I want him to get dirty.
Posted Thu Jun 07, 2012 10:02 AM
We have used simple toys--a butt plug, cock ring, and a dildo. He has fisted me and we have done anal. I have tried to get him to talk dirty to me, and he is doing his best. I asked him to slap my ass the other day. I even mentioned wanted it red when he left. He didn't come close. He has choked me when I have asked for it---and I can say 1 time was amazing. How do I get him to break out of his shell and get down and dirty with me when it comes to sex? I want pain/pleasure, name calling, hair pulling. I want to feel exhausted, sore, almost violated after he leaves. But I also want him to want to do it and not have any hang ups or worries.
So asking--How do I push him? What are some of the things we can explore more to make my sex life amazing? What are some toys we should use to take a higher level?
Posted Thu Jun 07, 2012 10:08 AM
Posted Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:12 AM
Good luck honey,..you sound pretty hot btw!!
Posted Fri Jun 08, 2012 03:38 AM
In my not overly glorious military career (more than 3 years of active combat duty) I've brought a lot of pain to a lot of individuals. This gave me very "healthy" respect for use of force and all that comes as a result. Women, force, and pain simply do not mix - period. Hurting a woman, even if "playful" and requested, is something I would never do.
"How do I get him to break out of his shell ..." Did you ever asked yourself is there a shell for him to break out from? I am stating the obvious but we are not all the same. Perhaps he doesn't like all that stuff but does it just to please you? Certainly there is a limit to what he might be ready to go just to please you. Pushing him further may turn into pushing him away from you. As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for.
You say nothing about your lover's background; if anything close to mine I can completelly understand his reluctance and reservations. If I was in his shoes I would seriously consider continuing with this kind of relationship. You two may have very different, and ultimatelly, incompatible sexualities which may not work in a long run.
Posted Fri Jun 08, 2012 03:42 AM
What I do is talk to the guy. I ask him what he does, what he enjoys, I ask about his taboo list... I tell him what I do, what I enjoy, and tell him he can try just about everything he wants without fears. I explain about safe words and we set up safe words, just in case. If I don't like something he tries, I'll let him know, but no dramas.
In my experience, telling them what to do during the act isn't a good thing. It inhibits the guy. It's best to talk at another time. It is also a problem with me: I don't like feeling like I'm teaching a man how to fuck. I let them do their thing and enjoy the ride. Sex is good anyway.
With some men, I've taken them to see me fucking other men (and women). Some have joined the fun and some haven't. My ex-SO didn't like to join, but he'd come to see sometimes. I'd set him up with another woman when I had my parties.
One delicate thing is ass play. I love asses. I love licking, playing with them... well, not all men feel comfortable with it. I find it is better to ask before ending up imposing something on the poor unsuspecting fellow.
The guy I'm fucking now, I've asked him if he'd want to try things and he first told me "no", that he wasn't comfortable with it. I didn't insist. Days later, he told me I could do my thing (temptation works). I've been pushing his limits gradually since and everytime I do something to him, he does it to me. It's nice, mainly because when he does it to me, he adds something, and coming from a guy from a very religious family, it really surprises me.
I've tied him down for the first time a few days ago and yesterday he did it to me. Wonderful!
In my experience, talking dirty can be tougher than actually doing things. Some men just can't do it. Don't push. You wouldn't want to make sex feel more like a burden to the guy than a pleasure.
Posted Fri Jun 08, 2012 06:36 AM
Posted Fri Jun 08, 2012 07:09 AM
If you are it maybe very hard to get him to do the nasty, dirty, degrading acts that you really want him too.
Theaon reason is that if he has feelings for you and respects you, he will always find it difficult to partake in these acts. While you feel safe and comfortable with him and maybe only him doing these things, he may not.
I had a freind who wouldn't even cum on his wife's face because he thought it was degrading, even though she wanted it. He would however fantasie about it with other women who he was not so emotionally attached too. The way they worked around this was with Role Play.
Maybe you should try this? You being a prostitute and him the punter, or even a forcefully rape Rp.
If this doesn't work, I would suggest it will never.
Posted Fri Jun 08, 2012 08:59 AM
The best thing to do is slowly introduce things that can slowly expand his comfort zone without him having the feeling of above. Just realize that there might come a point that is too much no matter what you try.
Posted Wed Aug 08, 2012 07:01 AM
I suggest taking it slow, start off by doing some light bondage and when he sees you enjoying it then he may feel more comfortable then to take it further. By what ever you do, dont force the issue otherwise he might clam up altogether.
Posted Wed Aug 08, 2012 08:33 AM
I'm serious. I was always like your guy, being a sensitive lover. I respected the women I was with and we always had good times. Not boring, plenty of oral before during and after, anal and dildo play. Never got into anything rough until an older woman told me that she wanted me to smack her ass beet red, and fuck her really hard and rough, both pussy and ass. I was afraid I was going to hurt her, but she wanted it harder and harder. She told me that if I wasn't going to do it right, she was going to show me by doing it to me. I was smacking her ass so hard, it raised welts in the shape of my hands. Right in the middle of smacking her and fucking her, she started telling me "harder,harder". Then she stopped, turned around and told me that she was going to teach me how to do it. She asked me if I would be able to take it, it wasn't going to be nice. I told her I could take whatever she could dish out. "Don't make that mistake" She didn't show me any mercy and I fought myself to keep from begging for mercy. She smacked my ass so hard and red, it felt like stinging needles everytime she beat my ass. After my ass was on fire, she spread my cheeks and began to finger me. She went from one , to two, then three. After I had my asshole worked over, she picked up a dildo and the lube. After squeezing a huge amount of lube on my blazing asshole, she lubed up the dildo and slid it right in my ass. She was easy,getting the head in. Once in, she slid it all the way in , up to the balls, then fucked me hard for a good several min.. When she reached under me and began pulling on my cock, I felt an orgasm building like never before. She tugged my cock and shoved the dildo in deep as the cum started flowing out of my cock onto the sheet.
When she finally took the dildo out of my asshole, I felt like I had just fought a 10 round fight.
Then she asked me, "Now do you know what I mean"? Then I proceeded to give her what she wanted, without holding back and she loved every bit of it. I learned my lesson by example.
Posted Wed Aug 08, 2012 05:41 PM
I'm no therapist I must add, but I think if you enforce you are happy with sex with him, and you appreciate how much he has done for you already it's a good way to go about it. Slowly go on from there, and do no expect big changes in short amounts of time. It's possible if you push too hard he may pull away.