Posted Tue Jan 29, 2008 03:17 AM
I like it up the ass and I always fantasize receiving from a guy and giving a blowjob. I even thought about actually meeting up with a guy and doing those things. But here's what confuses me.....
Directly after I cum, I am disgusted with myself and the thought of doing it with a guy. It's like after my ejaculation, I am completely disgusted. Not embarrassed or anything, just as if I'm completely straight.
I would never want to kiss a guy, date a guy, I've never looked at a guy and thought he was attractive. There was one time when I was really horny and I fantasized doing things with a random guy I met on the subway. Which didn't lead to it. I love wearing panties and on rare occasions going on webcam with guys, but once again, I cum, the horniness is gone and so is my interest on the act.
Sometimes I wish I wouldn't feel that way afterward, but I can't help it.
so what am I? Straight? Bi? What do I do? I know if I ever get with a guy, the second after it's over, I'll regret it.
Posted Tue Jan 29, 2008 03:46 AM
Posted Tue Jan 29, 2008 07:15 AM
As for this "Directly after I cum, I am disgusted with myself and the thought of doing it with a guy", I'm pretty much sure that's just guilt/embarrassment over doing something that in your mind is "deviant".
Posted Tue Jan 29, 2008 11:51 PM
Posted Wed Jan 30, 2008 12:26 AM
Posted Wed Jan 30, 2008 02:55 PM
I call that "do anything" stage a "Lust Rush". I've definitely been so horny that I came up with some really dumb ideas that later I was glad I didn't do.
Hope you find your happy medium of either living with it, or living without it. Somewhere in the middle, between the lust rush and the reality is where you'll be most comfortable.
Posted Sat Feb 02, 2008 05:53 AM
But thanks for the posts, really appreciate it.
Posted Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:46 AM
Guilt is a normal emotion when doing something that most likely your whole life has been ingrained in you as, "wrong".
I was sought of like you. I knew in my teen years I liked anal, but had no attraction to men. Then I had a girl use a strap-on, then a transexual(a few), and then recently a man, but just kissing...i just realized I was bi about a month ago, and the idea of a man with facial hair turns me off from kissing him.
So, my point is take take your time, enjoy, be safe and don't worry about labels, or the guilt(it might be normal for some). My sexuality is constantly evolving, yours might be also.
Read the first post(My Sexual Evolution) of my blog, it might sound similar to what you are feeling.
PM/Email me with any questions