Are my best years sliding away from me? I'm really just venting my spleen...but any help is welcome.
Posted Tue Sep 25, 2012 04:05 PM
I'm stuck in a real back-woods kind of place. Opting to go to uni was a great decision at the time, but it's left me in a low-earning job trying to scrape together enough funds to move out of my mum and dad's house. Sad, but true.
The major downside of this is that I don't meet many girls, which is...frustrating, to say the least. My closest friends live about 25 miles away, which is fine, but that also means that most of the girls I meet are over that way too. I have found recently that distance is a spectacularly effective way of killing off any kind of spark.
Take right now, for example...I felt the need to vent my spleen to you lovely people due to a combination of profound lonliness and the torture that is phsychological sex games (which I have never been good at).
I've seen a girl a couple of times, and she has really gotten to me. Aside from being very attractive, she's funny, playful and a little weird (which tends to do it for me, I have no idea why). But she's also 19, and every guy she meets wants her.
So I'm sitting here waiting for her to get back to me, bracing myself for the potential metaphorical kick in the balls when she doesn't get back to me.
I had hoped, by now, to be working my way towards finding THE girl, and I don't think I could be further from that point. Now, I could be wrong, and the girl in question might prove me to be a neurotic tool, and herself to be a real keeper - but I get the feeling that's pretty unlikely.
So, if I'm right, and I don't get to see her this Thursday (like we arranged), I'm right back to square one.
Is my life sliding away from me? If so, how do I change things? Or, am I merely being insecure and stupid?
Thanks for humouring me
Posted Tue Sep 25, 2012 04:17 PM
You said you are in a small and out of the way area so perhaps what the problem is you are bored and restless and translating that into relationships which to be honest, I love my man but OMG they are swapping one kind of problem for another. I hope you aren't so cut off that you cant join the world and learn to not only reinvent yourself but continuously look forward to shattering and reinventing you again and again. It sounds more like the problem is the job and area you live. Are you where you want to live? Doing what you really want? If not then nothing will feel right and a woman can't make that better. The only reason I say all of this is because I was the same as you until I quit being who I was and did the hardest thing in the world. I took stock of who i wished I was, what i wanted to really do, and figured out how to get those things. I wanted to be a writer, went back to finish school from my own dime, and once I learned how to write I moved far away from New Jersey to Los Angeles. I'm not a big success but its happening and only because I learned reinvention is the best part of being a human being and I promise you if you don't fixate on being lonely and know that in time it will happen for you, love will come to you when it does as long as you are open and I have to believe you will be.
Sorry if my advice sucks. I have a habit of giving advice that sounds sanctimonious or unrealistic but I hope it gives you at least one constructive thought. At the very least you know you aren't alone.
Posted Tue Sep 25, 2012 04:18 PM
Posted Tue Sep 25, 2012 04:30 PM
It's just difficult when you encounter one of those people who get inside your head... I think maybe I'm being a little insecure because I'm worried about being rejected, and then spending another 2 months looking for another girl!
Buttercup, I'll definitely try! I need to get out of my head a little.
Thankyou both for your help
Posted Tue Sep 25, 2012 05:35 PM
24 is young...you've been an adult all of 6 years, after 8 years of being a kid. So you have barely entered your adult life. That said, you implied that you're saving a little money. If that's the case, you're not at all wasting time. The more you save, the sooner you punch your ticket out of there. Have you looked for a job closer to the city? Is there a second part time job you can get to speed up saving? (if you're out in the country, it's not like you have much else to do) Have you looked for other anyone who you can potentially be a roommate with to help share the cost of rent?
Not making changes when you aren't able to isn't wasting one's life away. But not making progress towards it isn't a good sign.
Good luck, bro.
Posted Wed Sep 26, 2012 06:06 AM
you're not losing your time: you're getting an education. Be patient. When this is over, make the world your playground. That's what I've done.
If I misunderstood and you've finished your degree already (I'm guessing it, since you're already 24), again, be patient: you'll find a better job. Perhaps the best jobs in your field demand a post-graduate degree. If that is the case, get it as soon as you can.
There is a lot of light at the other side of the tunnel, when you join the 6.7% of the world's population that has at least a college degree (I've found the 6.7% on the internet and I didn't check the sources).
Posted Wed Sep 26, 2012 07:06 PM
Hang in there. Great times ahead. Life is what you make it so don't be afraid to take some educated chances.
Posted Wed Sep 26, 2012 07:13 PM
Posted Thu Sep 27, 2012 07:10 AM
This post has been edited by midagemyass: Thu Sep 27, 2012 07:10 AM
Posted Thu Sep 27, 2012 01:45 PM
Posted Fri Sep 28, 2012 11:10 AM
i think there is this pressure to have reached certain stages of life by certain ages, and i know that i feel it sometimes, but the reality is life just happens and you can't put a schedule on these kinds of things. goals change and unforeseen circumstances come up and it's not really possible to have a concrete life plan because there are so many things that can mess it up (which is not necessarily a bad thing!). don't focus so much on trying to meet deadlines and just relax and let everything flow naturally. by putting pressure on yourself you're not going to enjoy life and dating and women as much and you run the chance of rushing into things just so that you don't feel like you're getting left behind, which is rarely a good idea.
Posted Fri Sep 28, 2012 04:12 PM
Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time, that I should be out there trying to meet someone, but my crippling fear and intense negativity really holds me back. At the same time I know I need to work on myself, make myself happy first, then someone will come along. I shouldn't stress myself about it.
Like Lustrous said, don't like where you are? Move. Don't like your job? Find another. Don't rush it either though, think about it. These things take time. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.
Posted Mon Oct 01, 2012 05:59 PM
I'm just going to focus on the things I can control, rather than worry about the things that I can't. It's sometimes difficult to get out of your own head. A little perspective can be a wonderful thing.
So to hell with it...more girls, more money, more alcohol! Until I find a reason to stop
Posted Thu Oct 04, 2012 12:30 AM
we didnt see each other for 10 years or more, life happened... work, friends come and go, time passes and we both matured. When I ran into her again I was in my late 20's. life had kicked me in the teeth more than once and I had learned how to fight back. Turns out the same type of thing happened to her.
As soon as our eyes met, it was over. We havent looked back. Two kids, houses, cars, jobs, life is still happening, but now when we get kicked in the teeth, we both know we can rely on each other to handle our shit and get through it.
No way that happens when your 20 or even 25 most of the time. Worry about finding "The one" less and more about letting life take you where it will. Of course getting the hell out of a small backwoods town for a while probably wouldnt hurt either.