Wife not meeting sexual needs as before
Posted Tue Oct 23, 2012 10:45 AM
Before my wife and I got married we had a great sex life. After we got married the threat of me "breaking up" with her for my ex-g/f was gone (this was her words) so she didn't feel like she had to compete anymore and the great sex we shared declined to mediocre sex about once a week. I have tried to be okay with this but I'm not. I like the things we would do, that she allowed me to do to her and what she would do to me but it's 90% gone now. We talked about 3-somes but she could never find the right girl. She wanted double vaginal but she couldn't find the right guy. Instead, we used a dildo and me to compromise that desire. She allowed me to try fisting her, which she loved at the time but not anymore. She wanted to use a strap-on on me and I loved it. She fisted me once and loved that too. Now, none of that happens and she doesn't like talking about it. We have traditional sex without toys, without sex talk and it's boring me. I've tried using toys with myself and it's not the same and I'm frustrated that I can't experience the things we used to unless I cheat or leave her and try to find a partner who is willing.
I've gotten some advice from friends, etc., (without sharing all the personal details) and nothing helps. Is it fair to have an awesome sex life and then basically take it away from your spouse? The desires I have just get stronger and I daydream about them a lot. I find myself wishing that I knew someone who would pleasure me and allow me to pleasure her without limits or boundries.
Is this desire to have an NSA realtionship to meet my needs too much to ask for or am I way off base?
Posted Tue Oct 23, 2012 12:08 PM
I swear human nature never ceases to amaze me. You should've never married, and if you don't have children, you'll be doing yourself and your wife a favour by divorcing her.
Posted Tue Oct 23, 2012 12:12 PM
Posted Tue Oct 23, 2012 01:48 PM
Posted Tue Oct 23, 2012 03:20 PM
I've told her how I feel and that I'm unhappy and she comes back with "it's not natural to have my hand up your butt or yours in my vagina." I just need to find someone who is into that kinda thing.
Posted Tue Oct 23, 2012 03:43 PM
drives me freaking nuts trying to cope..........
Posted Tue Oct 23, 2012 03:48 PM
Posted Tue Oct 23, 2012 03:49 PM
if u arent happy, theres no pretending, either speak about everything, counseling, then maybe divorce. would you be happy to spend the rest of your life like this or confront it now? saves alot of heartbreak.
Posted Tue Oct 23, 2012 04:15 PM
It is wrong to deny such a basic need, as sex. If one doesn't like sex, OK, but liking, then "not liking"... that sucks! In a bad way!
Now, perhaps she did do the fisting thing as an experiment. I experiment with everything, but after the experiences, if I didn't really like it, I'll stop doing it. Fisting isn't something most people would do. I'm not criticizing fisting folk, I'm just saying that if this is your only complain, perhaps she wasn't "fooling", nor "trapping" you. Perhaps she had agreed to just try it a few times, but then she didn't like it, and she decided it wasn't for her.
If the change was just after marriage, that's fishy: she was using it to trap you. And that is so mean!
Anyway, whatever reasons, the fact is that you aren't sexually compatible. I'd divorce. She's not into it and you are. Do you wanna live frustrated for the rest of your life?
Posted Wed Oct 24, 2012 05:45 PM
I think finding a NSA buddy would be a great thing...she may not however, since for a lot of women, while they will deny you having sex with them, they also go to great lengths to make sure you don't enjoy yourself in any way shape or form with some other female either....usually with threats to go to the lawyer and take you to the cleaners.
Do I think you are asking to much or are off base....no fucking way. In fact its the only logical alternative to what she is doing other than the "d" word. The one really asking a lot here is her as far as I am concerned...not wanting to give it up to you and making sure you dont get any either....how fucked up is that?
Posted Wed Oct 24, 2012 07:30 PM
Does anyone know of a site (even this one) where I might be able to meet someone who is into fisting? I haven't put myself out there or online enough to know where to look.
Posted Wed Oct 24, 2012 11:16 PM
Here's the thing, if a chick does all the things a guy is into to make him happy so he will be happy with her, that's not the worst thing. Relationships can be give and take, so long as the guy is responsive to things that interest her as well.
But...if she's doing it to make a guy happy so he wont leave and will marry her, presuming that she can just stop once he's locked down, that's a very short term strategy that will inevitably fail.
Backcheck is kind of right. I think it's regrettable that people will divorce each other over an activity that can only comprise 1/3 of one's day if one has all day sex on a work week. (8 hours sleeping/shower/errands, 8 hours at work, 8 hours having sex) But that's who we are as people, so we do what we want.
It's doubtful your wife will change. You can bring back the threat of her losing you by cheating, letting her know, and other under-handed shit...she'll probably spool her game up a lot if she felt like she had to fight to keep you. But that is a shitty way to be, and it's not indicative of you loving her....or caring about her at all. Or, you can just dump her, and tell her it's because she's not what you want. Women do it, and don't obliterate each other for it. So you can do it to.
You really have a few choices:
1. Dump wifey and find someone in whom you have more interest in than what she can do to your ass.
2. Dump wifey and someone who is an exact fit for what you want. Stipulate that if anything changes, you're outta there. (any changes that you care about, be it sex frequency, kinkiness, weight, looks, etc)
3. Keep the promise you made to wifey when you married her (better or worse, rich or poor, sickness/health, and all that happy shit)...unless you didn't make that promise when you married her.
Posted Thu Oct 25, 2012 07:48 AM