marriage turns into friendship
Posted Wed Oct 24, 2012 12:03 AM
Now in the past year we have had sex only once and she doesn't want to talk about why and ways to be together more often. For us, sex has always been a great way to re-connect and feel close again but she says she never feels like it anymore.
I think she would be perfectly content if we never had sex again.
I'm not sure how to approach it differently to try and relight her desire for me.
Any advice or similar situations would be greatly appreciated!
Posted Wed Oct 24, 2012 04:54 AM
So, I would insist to talk. If she's depressed, or under a lot of stress, you have to give her some room, but you still need to talk.
Before talking, think hard and see if the problem isn't you. Because if that is the case, then you know how to improve your situation all by your own initiative. What about changes in your lives/situations? Did you have children? Did you put on weight, either of you? Debt?
Now, talking won't solve the problem. There are things one can do, like going to a doctor to see if her health is OK (hormonal problem, perhaps?), or you being romantic, like giving flowers, texting horny/romantic during the day, helping with chores, and other things like that some people will come here to say you should do.
If all of that fails, it is just because life sucks sometimes and some people fall off sex. They find it boring, or not rewarding (difficulties to reach orgasm, perhaps?), too much of a bother... whatever. The end result is that she doesn't wanna have sex anymore and you'll have to decide if you can live with it. You have the right to tell her how you feel about it and, if that is the case, that you find it unacceptable to live without sex and that you two need to think of alternatives, like transforming your relationship into an open one.
Good luck in solving this problem.
Posted Wed Oct 24, 2012 03:32 PM
I seriously told her I like getting head for exampple...if she doesn't ever give me head or if she does it with a long face...it ruins the mood and a man has his wants and I believe you get only one life and I will get what I want. I would feel no remorse for cheating at that point...
This post has been edited by lovetaker: Wed Oct 24, 2012 03:33 PM
Posted Wed Oct 24, 2012 05:36 PM
I have my doubts if there is anything you can do that will "rekindle" her towards you...probably isn't really even you...men in general or at the very least sex in general that she is no longer interested in...or ever really was perhaps.
You certainly would not be the first man tricked into thinking they've latched on to a nympho and then found out they really hooked up with an iceberg and certainly wont be the last.
I do assume you have exhausted all the possible remedies like open discussions and doing other things to try and change her mind and like most men, have found results virtually non existent. It happens...sad but true.
Posted Wed Oct 24, 2012 05:54 PM
You know, I fail to see how a reply like this is even remotely helpful to the OP. That's great about your sex life...
Ok, OP I think Alien pretty much summed things up perfectly.
The only other thing I think that is key are these words:
For us, sex has always been a great way to re-connect and feel close again but she says she never feels like it anymore.
If she refuses to sit down and talk about this, tell her how you're feeling, including that line above, in a letter, give it to her, tell her you don't expect an answer straight away, but that you want her to think about it carefully and you need to know how she feels... so if it's easier for her she can also write how she's feeling in a letter or email back to you.
I'd see how that goes, but if she refuses to even talk about it, something would have to give imho.
I don't really get some women.
Even if my libido was down to nil, (unless he'd done something i.e. had been unfaithful etc.) I'd still be helping him out via blow jobs, massage etc. and still want to be involved in some physical interaction, if just for that connection you mention.
Best of luck Bean.
Seems you are not alone with this prob. Tis the most common one I see on SF.
Posted Sun Jan 06, 2013 06:57 PM
It's a rare human who prefers celibacy. Perhaps its not sex, but rather the KIND of sex, that has turned her off. Have here join you in scripting some role play that turns HER on. It's a chance for you both to 'discuss' what excites you, without having to really 'talk' about it. Roles are a great way to express desires.'I'm not sure how to approach it differently to try and relight her desire for me.'
Your part is to tell her the truth about how you're feeling - deprived, disappointed and dismayed. But YOU can NOT 'relight' her desire. That's her part. If she cares for you, she will hear you and act accordingly.
This post has been edited by nu2bdsm: Sun Jan 06, 2013 06:59 PM
Posted Wed Jan 09, 2013 02:08 AM