Hurt, Confused, Scared, Stuck
Posted Sat Nov 10, 2012 09:36 PM
Posted Sun Nov 11, 2012 12:49 AM
Can I just say one thing.I've known a number of people who've committed suicide and a number who've attempted to and the one thing I have learnt is that the ones who are truly determined to kill themselves don't announce it,you only find out when their body is discovered.
A woman I knew was having a terrible custody battle that wasnt her fault,got heavily into drugs but was her bubbly in the morning n was hanging from a tree in the garden that afternoon,she gave no indication of what she intended.
Am sorry,don't mean to worry you but what I'm trying to say is if he's talking about suicide etc then it may be because the situation has got to him quite bad yet I'd honestly say he sounds like although he's struggling he's not wanting to end it all,believe me if he did you'd only find out once it's too late.
Thats not to say he isn't distressed or to play it down but just to reassure you that there is a world of difference between threatening or even attempting suicide and killing yourself.
I've seen a friends nephew standing in the garden screaming and balling that he wanted to die and slashing at his arms and throat with a broken bit of glass,couldnt go near him it made him worse.He only calmed down for the paramedics.
Threats and attempts,if they are genuine are crys for attention and/or help.Like I said those that want to die go off with no warning and do it,those that threaten and create a scene feel it's the only way to make their situation or their anguish known.
Is there anyway you can get down to see him ??
I'm sure he does love you but it sounds like he's being worn down where he lives by those that dont want him to leave,possibly thinking if he gets together with you then the ex and non biological daughter will lose the hold they have over him.
Am surprised his family arent more helpful but then again perhaps they dont want him moving away either,familys can often be very selfish.
it sounds like he's torn btwn what he wants and what he feels are his obligations to family and past,no doubt why he's in such a state.The trouble is he's down there amongst them whereas your far away and cant see each other.
If I was you i'd try if it was remotely possible to get down there and see him,seeing you in person its far different from hearing your voice,maybe its what he needs to remind him what he's leaving for.
Plus its clearly distressing you being far away n not knowing whats really happening.It's better to act than to wait and worry.Fight for him,for both of you.If you go there you'll know instead of guessing whats going on.
I'm sorry I cant suggest more to help you but i wish you all my best and hope to hell it works out for you.
Posted Sun Nov 11, 2012 09:46 AM
The only boy you really need to worry about is your son. Stop worrying about people who can make decisions for themselves and focus only on doing right by YOUR child. He is the only innocent person in this situation and you need to make him your one and only priority.
Posted Sun Nov 11, 2012 01:48 PM
Posted Sun Nov 11, 2012 07:34 PM
You need to get out of any and all relationships for a little while. Be alone. Focus on getting your own life straightened out, setting up a positive home situation for you and your son. You have problems of your own, and Mr Perfect is only dumping more problems on you. You can't deal with it now. Surround yourself with friends and family who love and support you with kindness, compassion, and generosity. Not with leeches who suck the very life out of you and drain you dry until you have nothing left to give.
You mentioned emotional abuse in your first marriage. Can you not recognize it with the current guy? He's threatening suicide. That's one of the most manipulative things a person can do. Besides, he has abandoned you. Let it go. Easier said than done, I know, but you need to get out now. It's not going to get any better.
Posted Sun Nov 11, 2012 08:07 PM
Posted Sun Nov 11, 2012 08:48 PM
I'm wondering why nobody gave this guy a good beating? I have a daughter and trust me,my family members and myself would have brought this guy within an inch of death for what he did to you.
Why would you lose your son?when my ex and I split up my lawyer asked if I was going to try to get my kids,I said no my ex is a great mother to them.He told me it is very hard to do and harder to prove she's an unfit mother.Take him to court and get your child support set up.
As for this other guy,he's staying right where he is....with her.Get your life and your son's life in order first...thats what really matter,the right person for you will come in time....first things first.
People will do to you.....what you like them. I wish you and your son the best.