Online dating Am I just undatable or something?
Posted Tue Nov 27, 2012 07:54 PM
I don't think I'm that unattractive. I'm very fit and healthy and I'm a genuine, honest person.
I've wanted a girlfriend now for 11 years but my confidence took one too many cruel knocks when I was young.
I was picked on at school because I was scrawny and tried hard with my studies. so I didn't have the confidence to ask girls out.
The first girl I asked out laughed at me then told all her friends who joined in. I didn't ask anyone else out till college when I asked a friend out. She got all weird and avoided me for 2 weeks then told me she hated being hit on by friends.
3 months later she started dating a friend.
I didn't ask anyone elswimming out until uni because I was frightened of the rejection but she said yes! she was smart funny and beautiful but after 2 dates she went to a party and hooked up with her cheating ex and broke it off with me. then a few months later I see her after Xmas and she's dumped him and is dating another guy. after that I stopped trying for about 5 years.
I'm far more confident and outgoing these days, I volunteer in a demanding and responsible role where people's lives are in my hands.
I'm very caring and am trying to become a healthcare professional.
but I don't have much time now and most of my friends are middle aged so I don't meet many people.
I decided to try online dating, so ive built a profile which I think is pretty good, but I have now messaged 50 girls with tailor made messages which took me a good half hour of careful thought before sending and I've had no responses. most have just deleted them. many didn't even read them which is starting to make me feel annoyed, pathetic and lonely just like I did all those years ago. the difference being that these days I'm not so easily beaten.
Do any of the girls here have any tips on what I'm doing wrong?
What would you look for on dating profile? What kind of messages would get you to respond?
What kind of photos of myself should I use?
I am not the scared little kid I once was. I'm strong, moral and outgoing these days. But I want what my brothers and friends have, someone to complete me.
Sorry but i can't post my dating profile on here as I doubt my future career choice would look kindly on my membership.
Posted Wed Nov 28, 2012 09:14 AM
Posted Wed Nov 28, 2012 10:32 AM
Posted Wed Nov 28, 2012 01:07 PM
I agree about the dating website most of the girls on there state they get bombarded by hundreds of messages a day mostly from psychos with dirty pics and minds.
Posted Wed Nov 28, 2012 01:25 PM
You say you had bad experiences with girls laughing at you and all. Well, this was in the past. Young people can be mean. The younger they are, the meaner. Now, at 27, you can "dare" to talk to women, because women at your age are kind of leaving that phase. Just like men your age.
You should perhaps talk to women who know you, because we really have very little here to try to guess what is wrong (if anything) with you or your approach to women. If you find a female friend (sister of a friend, for instance) who'd be willing to play a game, you could ask her to go on a fake date with you just to give you comments on how you do it.
You could also tell your friends who are married, or are into relationships, to introduce you to women they know who are also alone.
You really should keep trying to approach people. Because the experience will make you better at it. It takes experience to learn to deal with people. I can only wish you good luck.
Posted Wed Nov 28, 2012 07:02 PM
I had a party recently were one table was filled with 5 couples who had all met on dating sites, one are about to get married.
The thing is you have to have a think skin, an open mind and determination to keep going when it seems hopeless.
Alot of people on dating sites can be shallow or looking for the wrong thing, some don't yet know what they want but are looking anyway. Make sure that the site you choose is reputable and not a free one (I wouldn't choose an overly expensive one either as there is never a guarantee).
Don't put all of your eggs onto one basket though, use the dating site but also try and get yourself out there a little more. Not so much to date at first, but just to mix with others and be social. You can meet someone special in the most random of places, you have to be open and ready for this. If you are sitting at home looking at your computer screen most of the time you are missing out on so much more.
It is so hard to get across who you are from a profile on a dating site, as well as the internet. Update your profile regularly and choose interesting things about yourself so that people want to know more and want to contact you or even meet you.
Don't give up and hope it works out for you.
Posted Fri Nov 30, 2012 07:44 AM
I think the important thing with online dating is that you need to stand out from the crowd. Think of it as being like a bar, except the bar has a 50:1 ratio of men to women, and all the attractive women are surrounded by men. Most of whom are uninteresting, perverted or both. Being the polite, gentle guy saying "excuse me, I would like to have a chat with you..." will probably mean you won't be heard. You need to show that you're interesting and fun, first and foremost. And it all starts with your picture - the best ones, in my experience, are ones where you are clearly having fun in a social situation of some sort, but one where you can be seen clearly and are the obvious subject of the photo. The rest of the profile shouldn't be long-winded and boring, but rather short and to the point, while still remaining light and fun. Likewise, your first message needs to be short and sweet - pick out one thing about the other person's profile that you found interesting and ask them about it, or ask if they've heard of something similar that you know more about, that sort of thing. And it might seem obvious, but try to focus on women who have been active on that site recently (most sites I've seen show something about when they were last active).
You can also try looking into some stuff put out by "pick up artists". Most of the stuff I've read is self-aggrandising rubbish, but there's the occasional nugget of useful advice that you can try. But at their core, they all agree that you need to come across as confident without being arrogant, and interesting without being self-righteous.
In the end, you just have to try different approaches in as many different situations as you can, and see what works for you. And as others have suggested, keep online dating as just one extra tool in your box; you wouldn't just go to one place and expect to meet everyone there. Try other venues, especially ones where women typically won't expect to be chatted up by guys.
Best of luck.
Posted Fri Nov 30, 2012 08:12 AM
Posted Fri Nov 30, 2012 08:26 AM