Feelings for the best friend A little advice goes a long way
Posted Wed Nov 28, 2012 12:52 AM
Posted Wed Nov 28, 2012 01:41 AM
you know that this will never go away...... so it seems now!
I have been through the same thing..... and there was a few times when i though maybe she may have felt the same.but i never acted on it and played it down. started in 1977 and by 1985 it was a constant fantasy in the back of your mind, but our lives had turned and we both got married, to different people... once in awhile we had some deep eye contact....when we got together on holidays. but as the best friend.. and haveing gone different directions
now....after some 30+ years the infatuation has past along with the spark, and we are just best friends.... and this person was...... my wifes best friend... before we had gotten married
Posted Wed Nov 28, 2012 01:44 AM
There are no straight answers here I'm afraid. Most will tell you not to go down that route and ruin your friendship and they just *might* be right. Contrary to this I believe that if two individuals are great friends who like and respect each other then why not bring this to a new, higher level?
If I was in your shoes, I would tell her how I feel. Perhaps she feels exactly the same about you but, just as you are, is afraid of losing a good friend. You will never know where you two stand on this if you don't talk about it. On the other hand it would be very unfair, to say the least, if you start dating other girls while still having strong feelings for your friend. One way or another, this needs to be sorted out or it will nag you just like that proverbial pebble in your shoe.
If she is your true friend, by no means she should be offended or hurt by this. If she does then you should ask yourself how true your friendship really was.
Just my 2 cents ...
Posted Thu Dec 06, 2012 12:27 AM
And let me know a) what you decide to do moving forward and how it ends up working for you. I'm genuinely interested in other people's experiences and hope it works out better for them than my situation has for me.
Posted Tue Dec 11, 2012 03:53 AM
Posted Tue Mar 26, 2013 09:30 AM
Posted Tue Mar 26, 2013 03:29 PM
Don't jump her, just tell her.
Posted Tue Mar 26, 2013 08:04 PM
I want to say that this is a real iffy piece of advice on my part, because the consequences are potentially losing the love of your life, proverbially speaking....but:
Odds are that you have been friend-zoned deeply but this girl a very, VERY long time ago. (This is by no means certain) And you making these feelings known can (but not necessarily will) have grave effects on your friendship going forward if a) she doesn't feel the same or she does, you both date, and it doesn't work out....
but then again, she might not return feelings but not be negatively affected, or you could both date, and even if it doesn't work out, still be friends afterwords.
In summation, shit like this isn't a fork in the road, it's more like a ninja star in the road with about a zillion different directions in can go in. This is purely a value judgement on your part...a calculated risk of the risk/benefit variety.
There is no right answer. I'm inclined to say if this girl is truly your absolute best friend and she's already enhancing your life as it is, do not gamble it away. Then again, I've a screamingly high appetite for risk in all other endeavors, so I might honestly ignore my own advice if I found myself in your position. Good luck, bro....this is a hard one.
Or, you can both get super-hammered and see if anything happens.