What is a reasonable expectation for a spouse?
Posted Fri Jan 11, 2013 05:06 PM
50% of the time my husband and I are very happy and in love. 45% of the time it's just average day to day routine. And 5% of the time he is verbally abusive, physically intimidating and on rare occasion physically abusive.
In comparison my mom has stuck out her marriage even though my dad is really dorky and even sometimes seems like he has dementia. So her marriage isnt perfect and shes stuck it out. When I think about leaving my husband I wonder if in my next relationship I would have some sort of epiphany that I was just as unhappy and I shouldn't have left my husband.
So what I want to know is: what percentage of the time are you happy with your mate and what percent unhappy.
And how happy? How unhappy?
Posted Fri Jan 11, 2013 05:26 PM
Posted Fri Jan 11, 2013 06:21 PM
Scarlet, this should not be happening at all. Once is too many times.
I was in a relationship where the guy was verbally abusive and that was enough to grind me down and make me physically sick. By your percentages, you are happy only half of the time. Not right, not good enough.
See if he's amenable to counselling, if not, time to move on. Might be easy for me to say but life's short, give yourself another chance at love, and the true meaning of love.
In no way does love incorporate any type of abuse. You both need to do everything you can to try to get this relationship to a functioning, loving and healthy level, but it'll take work and committment from both of you. Esp. from him. And, he'll need to acknowledge he needs help and is committed to change. If he's not willing i.e. 'says he isn't the problem, you are' then you'll at least know you did everything in your power to try to fix the relationship and you should move on with a clear conscience. I'd preferably do all this away from him as well. Set yourself up somewhere else - your parent's/friend's home perhaps - cause it only takes one time if you're being physically threatened... Why are you putting up with this?? What are you thinking that makes it okay?
As for your question re what percentage are you happy with your mate? No relationship is perfect and I'm a relative newlywed, so some would call it rose-coloured glasses but I'd say 95% of the time. It took a long time for me to find the 'one', a lot of self education along the way, and a good pinch of luck.
A big hug to you Scarlet.
And now do something about it!
Posted Fri Jan 11, 2013 08:05 PM
Posted Fri Jan 11, 2013 08:11 PM
Posted Fri Jan 11, 2013 09:17 PM
Posted Sat Jan 12, 2013 01:17 AM
Also, are there any flaws in this plan?:
A. get rich
B. Rent a neighboring apartment
C. kick him out whenever he gets abusive.
This post has been edited by Scarlet Letter: Sat Jan 12, 2013 01:20 AM
Posted Sat Jan 12, 2013 07:02 AM
There is however one statistic that really bothers me and that is your 5 percentile of physical abuse...that one should be a flat zero...no questions asked. No one has the right to do that and no one should be expected to tolerate such activities in my book...period.
I say never mind playing around with the numbers other than tell your mate that the next time any form of abuse happens your union is going to go to zero and get the hell out of your so called relationship. There are social programs to help you do that and protect you after you do.
Good luck...don't put up with that bullshit anymore...period...from anyone.
Posted Sun Jan 13, 2013 06:05 AM
Posted Sun Jan 13, 2013 08:31 AM
No form of abuse, emotional, or physical should ever occur in a relationship. Once is too much.
Posted Sun Jan 13, 2013 08:38 AM
Posted Sat Jan 19, 2013 05:08 PM
Posted Sat Jan 19, 2013 05:12 PM
Posted Sat Jan 19, 2013 05:14 PM
The courts will set up child support....if he pays...if not...jail.....Call a lawyer and get the ball rolling before one of you (your kids and yourself) gets hurt....Do it ASAP.
Posted Sun Jan 20, 2013 03:28 AM
Best of luck.
Posted Thu Jan 24, 2013 12:32 PM
Posted Thu Jan 24, 2013 01:26 PM