Posted Mon Jan 28, 2013 04:46 PM
He's texted me this week making conversation during the day and not mentioned meeting up or sex or anything, and been quite sweet. I'm not an idiot, I know ultimately he's working up to trying it on again, but he's not like a player and I feel like he's got the potential to be a decent guy. My question is, regardless of how he plays this, what can I do to turn the tables and make him regret longing me off over Christmas? Do I ignore his texts for a day or two at a time (he typically takes hours to reply) or just reply offhandedly within a few hours?
Need to massively aoplogise for the absolute childish tone of this! Embarrassing but I'm 22 and came out of a 5 year relationship last year so I have no 'dating' experience to draw on other than what I gleaned when I was 15! I'd just really like to make sure I don't make a mug of myself.
Posted Mon Jan 28, 2013 06:35 PM
I'm assuming the guy is around your age? Which probably means he might have entertained a long term thing with you and then he perhaps sampled something else, or contemplated it, perhaps got rejected, and then did a complete 360 cause maybe that didn't pan out and you were a 'sure thing'. Pure speculation but...
Regarding your question about what you can do to turn the tables and make him regret dissing you before, I think you already achieved that. He did want you back - at least wanted your previous FWB arrangement. The more important question to ask yourself is what do I really want at this stage? If you want FWB reinstated with this guy sounds like you could probably get that. If on the other hand you want something more, then honesty is the best policy.
Don't just set out to try to get the upper hand or payback.
Oh, and btw if he takes hours to reply to your txts and has not mentioned that he actually misses you, wants a different type of relationship to the one you both had previous, and is actually making an effort to want you exclusively, then nothing has really changed. He just misses being able to drop in to get some.
What this comes down to, is as I said before what do you actually want? If just wanting him to regret his actions that really ain't gonna happen to any large degree imho, and you'll suffer cause of your mental manipulations.
Be honest, act with integrity and above all don't lose your self respect.
Good luck with it.
Posted Tue Jan 29, 2013 12:14 PM
Also, like Olivia said, 'you decide what YOU want' and go for that. Odds are you both will move on after a while - so, let it be a LEARNING OPPORTUNITY for both of you. He learns a bit about how to treat a lady, and, you learn a bit about the POWER you hold in a relationship.
LAUGH LONG -- LIVE LOUD -- LOVE LOTS. nu2.
Posted Tue Jan 29, 2013 01:52 PM
No playing games. A man wants you for more than sex, or he doesn't. Why to try to force things by making a worst person of yourself: a game player?
Men come as leaves in trees. There are plenty of them all around. Let this guy go.
Posted Tue Jan 29, 2013 02:34 PM
nu2bdsm, however, contradicts himself and, if that was possible, would get -1. Her 'teaching him a lesson' would be playing and for all the wrong reasons. Btw, "Remember - it is HIS honor to be in YOUR presence." ... come again?
Posted Tue Jan 29, 2013 09:10 PM
Well, you can do that....or you can tell him you're pretty effin' miffed at how he dropped you once you agreed to invest yourself at his request.
If this guy is potentially a good guy, and you just tell him to buzz off, you lose a good possibility. If you play games with him, you'll likely just be touching of a game-playing war and fuck everything up.
This goes against the grain of what comes naturally for most chicks : Tell him your thoughts on how you were fine with being Friends with benefits, but he was the one who wanted to get serious, .....and he decided to split once he got what he wanted. If you truly want to see what can come with this guy, don't play games, and don't let him go...but on the same token, DON'T NOT ADDRESS what he did. Hit him right between the eyes with it, too...don't pussy-foot around it and try to hint at it, or imply that you're mad about something and hope he ask.
Don't be afraid to come off as whatever....tell him it was shitty of him to do it and you're interested in him, but not if he's going to act like a fucktard, and let him know you have better options than fucktardery.
Posted Wed Jan 30, 2013 12:25 AM
As for his "mindset", since that's the title of the thread, he seems to be quite unclear with what he wants right now (as do you). I expect he thought he had a chance to get laid with someone else over Christmas and could get back with you when he returned which is why he ditched you. Seems pretty selfish and isn't exactly a great advertisement for him as a boyfriend. All signs point to the fact that he probably likes you and thinks there might be something there, but he's not clear on his feelings. I expect he sees you as his best option to gain some experience in the short term but might not be convinced of the long term prospects.
If I were in your shoes, I'd keep him at a distance (at most a FWB if that's what YOU want) and date other people. At 22 and recently out of a 5 year relationship, there's absolutely no rush to jump back into a relationship, especially if the two of you don't seem to be overwhelmingly enthusiastic about it. Don't waste time in a relationship with him and miss out on a chance to meet someone better.
Posted Wed Jan 30, 2013 02:57 AM
i once went out with a girl but it didnt last long coz i didnt really know what to do after we finally hooked up. She has since married and had kids so lost opportunity there. So dont be too harsh on him, he needs to know that what he did was wrong but if you like this guy then you too can work out your diffrerences and see where it takes ya.