[Ex] Broke My Libido What should I do to get over her?
Posted Wed May 29, 2013 05:34 PM
Posted Thu May 30, 2013 01:07 AM
Okay, I'm going to preface this with the following warning: What I'm about to say isn't to be mean, it's honestly to help you. People tend to take my posts the wrong way because I'm rather direct and I don't do platitudes or beat around the bush about shit. So try and avoid adding a negative tone to my post and please just assess it based on the insight and information in it.
You need to get a grip. This is exactly what happens to "nice" guys who go around trying to make their dream girl as happy with him as she can be. This happens time and again...over and over. It's so predictable. Yet when guys who buy into this insanity are told how it really is, they reject it because they don't want it to be true. They don't want reality to be that. So, look...if you look at how you went about your shit during this time period and absolutely refuse to accept that maybe it doesn't work like you think it does, and that what happened to you was somehow the universe mis-firing because she really should've chosen you.....then stop reading my post right here. Keep doing what you've been doing and keep expecting something different than what you've been getting.
If you can accept that not everything is as you define it, that not everything works in accordance with your logic, then consider this:
Ever notice how lots of great girls always get hung up on douche bag guys? These girls are pretty, they're intelligent, and charming...but the guy their with, you just can't believe that she'd go for him...especially over you...especially after all you've done and all you've demonstrated to her...You see, you've made the mistake of accepting a definition of what is that isn't accurate, the truth is far more....um...for lack of a better term, far more Machiavellian.
You see, what greater womania (not all women, but most) say they want...and what they actually want, are two different things. Think of it like this: They want to want the nice guy. They say the want a nice guy. They honestly do want to want the nice guy. But what they don't know, and what guys like you don't know, is that....they don't.
You see, you doing you "absolute best" for her was actually the absolute worst thing you could do. You treated her like a goddess, right? You tried to make her see what a great guy you are right? Well, guess what? Women are, strangely enough, a lot like men. You see, when you treat a chick like a goddess, she'll start to act like a goddess towards you...you know, kind of like when you treat some dude like he's a god, he ends up with a god complex. This is actually possible with women.
This chick you talked to for 3 fuggin' weeks (3 weeks? Seriously? Are you serious? You're fucked up over some chick you talked to for only 3 weeks? Does that sound remotely well-adjusted to you???) isn't worth shit. She's one of 3.5+ billion women out there. None of whom is more special than the other...
"oh but Ily, she's special TO ME!"
No. She's special because you, and you alone, decided this. She's human. Like you. No better, no worse. Some guy who treats her not as good as you fucked her cross eyed, got her to agree to marry him and have his baby. This is what I mean by Cognitive Dissonance. How can you reconcile with what you admitted (in your post) was going on in your head with what was really happening, and what is happening. (Hint: That's why you're healing process is fucked up. You're not accepting what is as what's right.)There is literally no reason you should be upset by this. It's actually a blessing. You've dodged a bullet. This guy she's with is fucked. A guy who knocks a chick up is fuggin' done. His life is over. I can assure you that this guy is going to have a new visceral opinion regarding the words "child support" in the coming years.
This is an opportunity for you go to and just talk to and play with other women. (I know, I know...they wont be "special"), but you'll figure it out that there is no such thing as a special guy or special woman. The fact of the matter is, every single person who someone else found mesmerizingly intriguing, special, and exceptional, every single one...is a ex of someone else who got sick and tired of their shit.
Honestly, man...if you really want to not feel the way you do, and understand that human nature isn't found in hollywood movies, paperback romance novels, or in any of the ridiculous plans people dream up in their heads regarding some chick or dude they've known for 3-4 weeks...that human nature is found in how this woman responded to you, in how you're unable to reconcile what's happened with your definition of what should be...read a bizarre and much-maligned book called "Book of Pook".
Now...Imma get the fuck outta here before the flaming and Ily-hate starts.
Posted Sun Jun 02, 2013 08:22 PM
Listen, I nearly 100% agree with Ily, and actually found that great to read cos in some ways I've felt similar lately. Not hung up over someone specific, but just felt flat, like I'm not attracted to anyone or don't feel for anyone, and it's a shitty feeling cos you WANT to want someone. So everything Ily said actually helps me as well. But maybe I can add to it a little from experience.
When I broke up with my last ex (the "big" one), I struggled a bit too. I got myself into a lot of situations where scoring with chicks was virtually guaranteed and found I just didn't have it in me cos I was still too hung up on her. I told myself it was just an adjustment I would make in time and let it go, but the fact is i was waiting for my body and mind to make a change that I had to consciously make myself. I wasn't willing to face the hard part of pushing through it, so I stayed stagnant, and ended up missing a bunch of golden opportunities to bone chicks I'd lusted after for ages.
My point here is that as with most things, you must consciously push through it. If it helps, tell yourself out loud all the reasons why you shouldn't give a fuck about this girl anymore, which is a tactic I used after my whore of an ex slept around. You say it aloud, and after a while you only have to think it. You consciously think it often enough, and eventually you don't even realise you do it, and suddenly you're exactly where you want to be: back in control.
The hardest part is the start, cos there's always a part that still wants to hang on. Crush it, and you'll be better off.
Posted Sun Jun 02, 2013 10:40 PM
The chicks that like to hate on me are exactly the kind of chicks that really aren't any fun to be with anyway, so it's actually a great oil-and-water filter, if you will...but funnily enough, women who hate me many times end up trying to hook up with me. In front of people, they call me all kinds of names and accuse me of being a great many things that I am not.
And then when there's no one around and we're one-on-one, they're like "hey...."
I do not understand it, and it's really creepy, but I'm flattered nonetheless.
This post has been edited by ilyushin: Sun Jun 02, 2013 10:41 PM
Posted Mon Jun 03, 2013 06:45 AM
Ily, there's a lot I didn't post about our history. I didn't just try to make her feel special, she also made me feel special with the trust she invested in me. It was a mind fuck in more ways than I listed. Like I said though, the issue at hand was more succinct as SumRandom mentioned.