How to get rid of a bad mental image?
Posted Sun Jun 16, 2013 08:19 AM
It's especially bad in the morning; I often wake up at 5 AM, but I stay in bed til 8 trying to get more rest, and for some bizarre reason, it seems like my peak time for arousal is 5-8 AM, because during those three hours, I can't get my mind off of sex. And with this horrible mental image I have, that means those three hours are spent imagining this girl having all kinds of kinky sex with her boyfriend. And that's not even counting all the other times I become aroused throughout the day. v_v Even if I try to watch porn to give myself some different imagery, I just inevitably replace the people in the video with this girl and her boyfriend.
This has actually been an ongoing problem for a number of months, now, but I'm just starting to become aware of how bad this problem is. And considering I become aroused a LOT, you can imagine how distressing this is for me. I really want to make this stop already. :/
Posted Sun Jun 16, 2013 09:04 AM
Surely you have better things to do than torment yourself over someone else's sex-life--go out and find a partner, get laid, relaid, inlaid, parlayed, delayed and relaid again
Just build a bridge and get over it--make yourself do it or...just stand there and let everything else pass you by
Posted Sun Jun 16, 2013 09:09 AM
Posted Sun Jun 16, 2013 09:57 AM
Posted Sun Jun 16, 2013 10:17 AM
Well, I got nervous and chickened out. But then, I decided to just go through with it, so I contacted her to work out the details, but then SHE chickened out, and stopped responding to me. So, it never happened.
Posted Sun Jun 16, 2013 11:53 AM
Posted Sun Jun 16, 2013 01:44 PM
Posted Sun Jun 16, 2013 05:42 PM
Work out , burn off some of that energy & distract yourself .
Posted Sun Jun 16, 2013 07:01 PM
Some great suggestions, I especially love the one above, distract yourself during that time or any other time this starts to take over your head. You may need to overhaul your lifestyle, sleep earlier, get up earlier to work out or something else and maybe stop watching porn for a little bit. I know it sounds odd but porn is quite unhealthy for your sex life when you are using it regularly.
Posted Sun Jun 16, 2013 09:58 PM
There's nothing to resolve, though. I know where I stand with her, and I know there's no chance for things to change.
But porn IS my sex life. I was watching porn long before I ever started experiencing this current problem, so not really sure how that would help things?
Posted Mon Jun 17, 2013 01:25 PM
As I see this, you've got three choices. One, live with the obsession which is making you miserable, two, start stalking, we've discussed where that likely to lead or three, move on. Which do you think is the healthiest choice?
If I sound unsympathetic, I'm sorry but we have all dealt with being attracted to those that don't feel the same about us, we learn to move on, quick. You complain about there not being anyone out there for you, well, that will be a self fulfilling prophecy if you're not willing to get off your ass, risk a bit and try.
Best advice I can give is spend the next several months on a journey of self improvement not worrying about a relationship. Dedicate your free time and energies to making yourself happy with yourself and my guess is you'll likely find yourself in a great relationship without any real effort.
Posted Mon Jun 17, 2013 04:58 PM
Posted Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:29 PM
Make sure the pros are hot tho. Otherwise, what's the point?
Sorry, it seems as though I double-postimificated.
This post has been edited by Q: Wed Feb 05, 2014 09:38 PM
Posted Tue Jun 18, 2013 06:08 AM
Exercise is a great idea BTW. Feeling horny? Go running! Not only will it take your mind off of sex but you'll get in shape and have more confidence!
This post has been edited by aaron&jen: Tue Jun 18, 2013 06:08 AM
Posted Tue Jun 18, 2013 10:17 AM
I gave you other choices and ideas for improving your situation but you ONLY chose to dwell on the part about obsession and stalking, Why?
If you want a worthwhile woman to find you attractive in anyway you'd better find some self-confidence quick. If you don't much like yourself how can you expect someone else to like you and find you attractive? No sane person wants to put up with the constant whining about how you're not good enough for them. It all sounds just a bit pathetic.
Posted Tue Jun 18, 2013 03:14 PM
I +1'd you on this...but xindi is engaging in this by is own volition. This insistence that nothing can be augmented and that, despite knowing less than .0001% of the world's female population, there are absolutely no women that would like to be with him is based on an inviolable logic that no amount of wisdom or common sense can overcome.
I mean, we're talking about a guy who is so down on life and walks into any given situation absolutely determined that he already lost...while I think xindi has had a very rough go of it and his perspective is very much based on an uninterrupted string real experiences, he's also had some possibilities that he torpedoed (the 40-something chick that he was gonna meet, then backed out on...then wanted to meet, and she backed out).
The honest truth is, xindi has met less than .0001% of the world's female population, and has determined that the other 99.9999% are the exact same. And the .0001% that he does meet, he'll subconciously torpedo any possibility of that being successful, and then exhibit a defeatist attitude about it. You simply cannot help someone who will not help themselves. Your advice is useless to someone who either refuses it, or agrees with it but then doesn't follow it.
Xindi needs to get a grip.
Posted Tue Jun 18, 2013 03:48 PM
v_v Well, look. Most people have ups and downs, in their lives. They go through rough patches, but they keep their head up and get through it, and often find some "light at the end of the tunnel". I, on the other hand, have never had "ups". Whenever I go through a "rough patch", there's never a "light at the end of the tunnel", all there ever is is another "rough patch". I'm not trying to sound sympathetic, here, or anything like that, but when you go almost 25 years of life and only ever have bad, negative experiences (not just with women, of course), how do you even see the positives? How do you "have confidence"? How do you believe there's someone out there for you? I've tried to "keep my head up" for the last 20+ years, but I've hit a point in the last year or two where I just can't do it anymore.
As far as that woman I was set to hook up with, in my defense, that wasn't my fault. I didn't indicate to her that I was backing off; I simply planned to not text her anymore, but then I changed my mind and wrote her. We were set to get together, but when she found out that we wouldn't be getting together at my place, that seemed to freak her out, and she stopped writing me.
I wish I knew how. And no, I don't consider drugs and hookers to be the answer, lol.
Posted Tue Jun 18, 2013 05:37 PM
This post has been edited by aaron&jen: Tue Jun 18, 2013 05:37 PM
Posted Tue Jun 18, 2013 09:30 PM
So, basically you're saying I'm 100% right about you just being 100% defeated before you even start.
How do I have confidence? Easy: by not defining success. Approaching a chick and asking her out doesn't have a possible "fail". If she says 'yes', great. If she says 'no', great. I'd rather her say 'no', than 'yes' while not being interested in me.
I do not believe there is "someone" out there for me. I'm married, but I'm not into the whole idea that there's "one person" for me. You see, there could be some African chick moping around Namibia that might be a 'perfect fit' for me, or a chick cooking some prairie dog in Mongolia that is the "perfect fit" for me, or some chick wresting bears in Saskachteuan Canada that might be a "perfect fit", or whatever. This whole idea that there's no one for you based on experience with 0.0001% of the world's women is like aliens looking at Earth and deciding there's no life on it because all they saw my empty backyard.
As for 20 years....bro, lemme tell ya, it's you who are convincing chicks you're no fun. You sound like a mix between Eor from Winnie the Pooh and Snuffaluffagus from Sesame St. Here's a hint: No one likes hanging around a pill. You're acting like a pill because chicks don't wanna bang you, while chicks don't bang you because you're acting like a pill. This cycle exists because you're defining success as having a chick decide she wants to be with you. I know that's doesn't sound intuitive. But it's true. The more you try, the less interesting you'll be. Stop trying. Be perfectly content hanging out with chicks without it going anywhere, be comfortable with that, and you'll instantly be more enjoyable and more confident. Because if there's nothing at stake (there really isn't), you've no reason to worry. If you're not worried, you're confident.
When she found out you wouldn't be getting together at your place? Weren't you supposed to meet at your place?
You don't consider anything the answer. The truth is, you're absolutely determined to fail. The fact that you wont even consider getting coked up and playing with pros means that under no circumstances (even Charlie Sheen-esque degradation) will you ever have any action. If you're situation was truly as bad as you make it out, and you sincerely wanted to change it, you'd do something drastic. But you don't. You just acknowledge and then re-acknowledge how pathetic you think you are and can only bring yourself to initiate contact with someone and then waffle-and-change-plans so they decide you're a basketcase. This 40 yo chick is just another example of what you admit you always do. You get to the door, you knock...and when someone answers the door, you run away.
"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got." If you really wish you knew how to get a grip, here's how: Fuck shit up. Change it. It's called "creative destruction". Completely disassemble yourself and do shit you wouldn't normally do. Like a coke-fueled hooker sex party. It's not what you'd normally do (you don't consider it to be the answer, right? Well, so far, the shit you think is the answer fuggin' sucks). That's why I suggest it, or something like it. Do something removed from you. You'll learn....a lot.
Don't believe me? Come out to Chi-town for a weekend. I'll whip your candy ass into shape and you'll go home having no problem integrating with chicks.
This post has been edited by ilyushin: Tue Jun 18, 2013 09:31 PM