What's going on with me...?
Posted Fri Oct 04, 2013 07:29 PM
I met an older woman online over the summer, and we both were looking for a "FWB" situation. Everything seemed to be working out okay. We chatted for a couple months, but some stuff prevented us from meeting in person for a while. We finally agreed to a lunch date, just to meet in person and whatnot. So, a couple weeks ago, we went on that date. It was... kind of blah, and I really wasn't feeling it with her. I wanted to, because that's the furthest I've ever gotten with someone, but I just wasn't feeling it.
The whole thing kind of left a sour image of dating, in general, in my head, and after meeting her, I started rethinking my whole casual sex mindset. Beyond that, though, my sex drive has completely gone off a cliff after meeting this woman. I really haven't been getting aroused at all, I haven't been fantasizing or anything. Heck, in the last two weeks, I've only masturbated twice, and both times were unpleasant and not very fun (I felt like I was just forcing myself to do it just to do it).
I dunno, I guess I just wonder what the heck is going on with me, right now.
Posted Fri Oct 04, 2013 07:33 PM
Posted Sat Oct 05, 2013 07:48 AM
Anyway, I still don't know if casual sex is my thing. To me, I've always been more the "hopeless romantic" type, I want to have sex with someone I actually have feelings for. But, at the same time, I believe that "romance" and "meaningful sex" are both completely off the table for me. So, I don't really know where that leaves me.
Posted Sat Oct 05, 2013 08:01 AM
Posted Sat Oct 05, 2013 09:56 AM
Couldn't the failing be linked to the fact you don't really wanna do these things? I'm talking about going after women, be it for friendship, romance, or sex.
I really get this impression. You would be perfectly comfortable to live your life without women around, but you feel some kind of pressure, mostly from within yourself, as if you had to do these things.
I'd like to tell you, you don't have to. Perhaps you're a person who isn't really attracted to women. Nor men. You have a sex drive (just a little sleepy, now, but it'll probably come back), but that could be perfectly satisfied with masturbation. Or just ignored most of the time.
We live in a world where everything, everyone seem to scream at us we can only be happy if we reach certain universal goals. But we have a choice. We may decide those all important goals are important to lots of people, but not for us. Not for you. In this scheme of things, you see yourself more as the romance guy, the one who would have sex with a woman he loves. But even that, perhaps, is just a cold thought, a conclusion as if "if I'm going to do this, than it'd better be like that." Not conscious, but something your brain works out for you, and conscious-you has no actual saying it it.
Think of it. Could it be that's the case with you? That you're kind of pushing yourself into doing things, or even into wishing for things, that actually mean nothing to you?
Take your sex drive, now. It's low. You've masturbated, though, because you're a man in his 20s... WTF, aren't you supposed to masturbate? Then, you masturbate. You don't really want to, but you do... see?
If you don't wanna do it, don't. Your sex drive may wake up later. Perhaps the situation with that woman, or even her physical appearance, the expectations about what would/wouldn't happen, and how complicated it was (STD risks, etc)... it put you off.
Solitude and the discomfort it may bring may make you feel as if you had to go looking for someone. But it can be misleading. Perhaps meeting with friends when you feel lonely will be enough to survive the crisis and go on back to being your normal self.
The message I'm trying to convey is: you shouldn't feel as if you had to do certain things, like pursuing a relationship with a woman.
Do you have friends? Male and female? Feel free not to answer, if the question upsets you, or simply is too nosy.
Posted Sat Oct 05, 2013 10:30 AM
I wouldn't say I feel pressured to be with someone. I legitimately want to have someone in my life, I want to have a romantic partner. It has nothing to do with any kind of pressure. It's more the opposite; I want something that I seemingly can't have, and that makes me frustrated. I'm trying to lower my standards and take whatever I can get, but that just doesn't feel very good. So, that puts me in a pretty cold, lonely place. I WANT to be with someone, but I can't find someone I really like who also happens to like me back; I can take what I can get from people I'm not really that interested in, but that doesn't leave me with a good feeling.
I'll admit, there are external factors, but they're not things that make me feel like I "should" be with someone. Rather, they're things that make me question what is so horribly wrong with me that I absolutely cannot attract any worthwhile people into my life. I see people that are immature, unintelligent, have bad personalities, are physically unattractive, and/ or have no futures ahead of them, and they manage to attract people into their lives just fine. Why not me?
To answer your other question, I don't really have friends, no. That's another thing I've been struggling heavily with. I never really learned, growing up, how to be a social person, and it feels like learning how to become one might as well be rocket science, to me. I've been trying to reach out to people and develop friendships, and all that, for a while now, and I just can't seem to make any progress with people.
Posted Sat Oct 05, 2013 01:25 PM
Posted Sun Oct 06, 2013 01:20 AM
dont give up on love (i think thats what your looking for)
its sad the world seems to be full of lonely people and we don't seem to be able to connect with each other
i would think there is nothing wrong with you and you thinking that there isn't helping you one little bit
keep reaching out, somethings wonderful things come from friendship
friendship in itself is wonderful
i know its hard to make friends, it seems harder now in this day and age than ever before
but you gotta keep trying, it gets eaiser with practice
practice on here talking to people -
sounds to me like you need a confidence boost
so chin up, keep chatting and good luck
nice guys (and girls) should win alot more than we do