Is a marrige incomplete without kids between the husband and wife?
Posted Tue May 06, 2014 07:32 AM
Posted Tue May 06, 2014 07:52 AM
Yesterday you had a post that go locked out for some reason. My reply to it would be No, you are neither coward nor selfish for not wanting more kids. As much as it is the right of those women to want to have them it is as much yours not wanting to. You don't have to explain yourself or defend your position in this regard. Those who are not happy with your choice ... tough luck, not their call.
I'll let my cynical side come out and say I question real motives of those women. What happened with any of them accepting and loving you the way you are?
Posted Tue May 06, 2014 08:30 AM
Posted Tue May 06, 2014 08:40 AM
Apparently the women you dated just loved kids and wanted more. But there are some people that don't want them, or could do without them. But it's just something that can't be compromised. So when there's no room for argument, or compromise, then the relationship tends to end, because 1 party will be unhappy.
To be honest, I may never get married. Because if my social life ever comes to life, I actually don't want kids. I never have. If I ever got a boyfriend, then eventual husband, I would want it to just be us, and to have freedom to do as we please without the drama children would bring, and extra money for doc visits, toys, clothes, etc. Babies are cute, but once they hit 3 yrs, they're more worrisome. Then there's the teen years..... So, I never was one for kids myself, and wouldn't date a guy that already had any, unless they were close to 18.
This post has been edited by VanillaChocolate: Tue May 06, 2014 08:40 AM
Posted Tue May 06, 2014 09:14 AM
But a requirement for marriage??? No way. If you really really want them, there are many benefits too. But it is such a huge effort to have them and bring them up, that if EITHER of the partners is not ready, that should be the end of the discussion. Just like if you came home and said "honey, I want a BMW 731", she should be able to say, uh...no, lets pay off the visa cards first.
Be forewarned though, that as the relationship goes on, you might come around to the idea of having kids at a later date.
Posted Tue May 06, 2014 09:31 AM
I bypassed the whole having children thing with the estranged Mr Rabbit, but my new partner has two girls by his previous marriage and we've no intention of adding to that.
I'm in my mid forties and my partner has just turned fifty. We're both deeply in love, but see absolutely no need to start a new family, which would doubtless cause big issues with my prospective step daughters if we did.
This post has been edited by White.Rabbit: Tue May 06, 2014 09:39 AM
Posted Tue May 06, 2014 10:02 AM
Posted Tue May 06, 2014 11:12 AM
I'm with Foggy, too... I'm seriously questioning the motives of these women who think a kid will secure your relationship or make you closer... It's awfully suspicious.
Posted Tue May 06, 2014 01:02 PM
Posted Tue May 06, 2014 02:12 PM
Posted Tue May 06, 2014 02:33 PM
This post has been edited by gonewild: Tue May 06, 2014 02:48 PM
Reason for edit:: underage reference removed by Mod
Posted Wed May 07, 2014 12:53 AM
I personally find children irritating and selfish and I seldom see the few brought up ones I'm sure must exist somewhere. I think the kind of little monsters we see around are proof most people who had children shouldn't have done this to the children, to themselves, nor to the rest of society.
I've already seen, abroad, parents going around with their toddlers on some sort of leash, one with a kind of harness. I was shocked first time I've seen it, because around here we're irritatingly politically correct, but it's the future.
We've created a world full of lead and other chemicals that mess up with the chemistry in our body, including the brain. We also created a society were good up bringing isn't cool and the cool thing is to allow your children to grow up without any limits.
The other day I was watching World War Z and when I've seen the first scene with the enraged people, I had a laugh: just like youngsters going around town. My guess is that whoever wrote it was inspired by watching unfit parents doing their shopping with their kids.
Posted Wed May 07, 2014 07:39 AM
Posted Wed May 07, 2014 09:18 AM
you dont need children to complete it, its better when two people are on the same level in life, what they want like kids or not.
Posted Sun Jun 22, 2014 05:30 PM
Posted Tue Sep 02, 2014 06:44 AM
Posted Tue Sep 02, 2014 07:48 AM
Personally I never had a child - if I'd met someone with children - I think I'd have liked that - in my working life I had caring rolls - I think that replaced the "mummy" bit - I'v never had the feeling I was incomplete without a child of my own - I understand though - that for some women - its a torture to not have a child - but on that I can't comment - I have no understanding of what that feels like.
Posted Wed Sep 03, 2014 08:14 PM
However, I had to make the decision that I thought was in my best interest, since I did not know if this long distance thing would ever work out. Maybe it was all a fantasy. In any case, less than a month after I had the procedure, she notified me (by email, no less) that it was over. She didn't think the vasectomy was something she could deal with, even though she had never professed a desire to have children. Needless to say, that was a bit of a bummer for me and caused me some depression. However, to this day I know I made the right decision, because ultimately I am responsible for my life, my desires, and my goals. If those goals don't involve having children, then you need to follow them. Look at it from the opposite point. What if you really did not want to have children but did so anyway to satisfy your spouse? Do you think it would make you happy? That is not a trivial decision, like whether to buy a sports car or a minivan. It is a big time commitment, and if you don't want to do it, best not to do it.
Back to your question. No, a marriage is not incomplete without children between husband and wife, in my opinion. In someone else's opinion, they may differ. Luckily for me, I met a wonderful woman who had made a similar decision as me to not have children. That fact was probably the biggest reason I married her, because I know what a big decision it is, and how it is probably even bigger for a woman.
Not sure if any of this helps you, but at least you know you are not alone. Just know that there are always opportunities out there and great people you can meet when you least expect it.
Posted Fri Sep 12, 2014 04:24 PM
With that being said, I think that for a marriage to work both parties do have to be on the same page as to if they want kids or not otherwise one or the other is going to build resentment. Selfish for not wanting kids? That's just ridiculous thinking. Selfish is wanting kids for the wrong reasons.
As for wanting children to strengthen the relationship - it's quite the opposite.
I once read some amazing statistics on how high the percentage of divorce is during the first year of having a child. It's an absolute drain on everything from sleep deprivation to even being able to get housework or anything else done (not to mention goodbye to sex for awhile.) That baby becomes the center of of the universe (well if the parenting is being done right anyway.)