I haven't been in an adult bookstore -- adult boutique, or whatever they call them -- in years. The leading internet retailer has a much bigger supply at much better prices.
But I was kind of in a hurry, so I went out into the real world.
The first store has been around since sex was invented in the 1960's. It's a sleazy type of place in a seedy section of town... and within walking distance of where I live. It's old school... the clerk at the counter didn't look up from her magazine as I entered... didn't look up as I shopped and probably didn't even look up as I left without buying anything. She seemed so against eye contact that I was pretty sure I could have cleaned out the joint and she still wouldn't have acknowledged my presence.
So, it was off to the store in the mall. I walked in, and it was all women working there and all of them were like, "Hello! Beautiful day, isn't it? If you have any questions, just ask."
I did have a question, but honestly, I wasn't prepared to say, "Yes, I'm looking to masturbate today and I was wondering if you had a Fleshlight shower mount so I could hump a fake pussy while I use my hands to play with my ass?"
"Just looking," I said.
At any rate, while I'm looking, two women came in. As they walked behind me, one said... "That didn't get me off at all... but that... fuck yes."
I pride myself on being the King of Cool, but it was really hard not to turn around to a) see who was getting off "fuck yes!" big time and what accomplished the task.
I found the Fleshlight mount. I went to the counter and standing there was The Cutest Woman I Have Ever Seen in Person... if I was thirty years younger. There was absolutely nothing I could have said that wouldn't have sounded like the ramblings of a Dirty Old Man.
She said: "Oh, wow, Fleshlights seem so awesome! I was going to buy one for a friend, but he's like no way. I don't know what to say to convince him."
Just tell him that my orgasms are incredible because you know, there's nothing like talking about my dick and orgasms with a complete stranger.... Actually, what I said was, "Do you take credit cards?" even though it was perfectly obvious they did. It was the best I could come up with on short notice.
"Did you see the Alien fleshlight?" she said. "That's so awesome!"
I actually have a cute story about the Alien Fleshlight and wound up telling it, then really wishing I hadn't.
I don't know... I just didn't find the experience at all comfortable.
This post has been edited by Naturist: Mon Jun 30, 2014 06:00 PM