Anybody else in a dom/sub LTR care to share some insight?
Posted Tue Jul 08, 2014 08:06 PM
So far we've only had a few sessions like that, and both times I was fairly stern and serious. Being real degrading, "you dirty whore" this and "you little slut" that. She has enjoyed the abuse because she does like it rough, but after this last time she said she didn't feel like she got a lot of time to feel like she was "loved" after I had spent about four days out of town and away from her.
Obviously while being commanding is a big part of being a dom and she does occassionally enjoy being demeaned and treated roughly, it can't be a 24/7 thing. Which I completely understand.
So, my questions are these:
How do you assert and maintain your position over your sub while still expressing your love for them?
How do you assert and maintain your position over your sub without being too rough, stern or crass?
What kind of things does your dom do that shows you they love and care about you? Both day to day and in the bedroom?
Posted Wed Jul 09, 2014 11:20 AM
Posted Wed Jul 16, 2014 04:55 PM
I think GOOD sex - whatever your preference are based on both partners being EQUAL at all times - until you enjoy a "session" - ONLY then do you take on another persona....and finish with a good old fashioned CUDDLE.
Then your EQUALS again - until the "next time" - be it two hours later - or whatever.
Posted Wed Jul 16, 2014 05:48 PM
Exactly this. Took the words out of my mouth. Aftercare is very important.
Posted Thu Jul 17, 2014 12:15 AM
Here's my question to you. Why do you think calling your woman "a dirty whore" makes you a dom? You could be a sub man and call your woman a dirty whore too. Words are not what being dom are about. Being dom is about physical sexual control and domination, not trash talk. There is a psychology akin to Stockholm syndrome in physical domination. Do you want your woman to be a dirty whore? Do you want to see her as one?
The most devastatingly successful "dom" I know is a woman. Gorgeous. Brilliant. Highly educated. Bisexual. Dominating - literally psychologically and sexually conquering men and women alike is her thing. Never would I think anyone ever could "conquer" me - but she is genius.
Here's the thing. I never trash talk a woman. Ever. What she does is sexually ravage - extreme - very - and more than I would suggest to anyone - but without anger or fury. To the contrast, she uses psych-talk about how she making you her possession, that she is sexually conquering you - but combines this with praised that the sub she is ravaging is awesome, magnificent - which combined with intense sexuality beyond merely being orgasmic - works. As she explains it, why would she damage a her property - even psychologically.
Dom means physical domination, sexual domination, not demeaning and trivializing the sub.
Here's another hint. She wants the dom stuff from you because you aren't doing it for her physically. She hopes the shift will help get the job done.
Friend, learn to use your hands. Explore her. If you figure how to make her crazy orgasmic and absolutely wants you to stop cause she can't take anymore, absolutely don't. 50% declaring you are taking total control of her and 50% say you are doing so because she is your most awesomely valuable possession - as she frantically begs you to stop --- then you are a DOM.
It will take you time to get her there the first time. Might take hours. Each time, it will take less time. Trash her? She becomes trashy whore to herself - and with someone else. You will come to see her as a trashy whore too.Trash talk is faux domination, trying to make up for failed sexual domination.
This post has been edited by tommy50: Thu Jul 17, 2014 12:22 AM