URGENT: Need advice over possibly relatioship ending problems
Posted Wed Nov 12, 2008 06:18 PM
I've been with this girl over six months now. She was one of my best friends before we became a couple and everything has been awesome so far. But last week something happened and right now I'm considering to call off the relatinship.
Let me start from the top. I've known this girl from almost two years now. We bonded form the start but I was too shy, and apparently also was her (at least that's what she says). Then this guy came over, and he is the totally opposite of me. He is a pro wrestler, so he is kind of dumb, athletic and outgoing, and they started dating. She gave him all of her time, wich stranded our friendship He fell for her seriously, but three months later the relationship was over, just like she expected (she says she never fell for him, she just liked the guy). About four months later we started. With my previous girfriends I've never asked about their previous experiences, but the first night we had sex she asked about my experience and well, I asked her as well. She told me she had just tried it once, and that it was very brief.
But then, last week she was talking with me and made a passing comment about how frustrated her ex was because he never gave her an orgasm. We argued and she told me that in the month or so they were together they had sex over 10 times (we never made it with such frequency, on account she doesn't enjoys sex too much), that she couldn't enjoy it because he was way too big (for what she says I'd say at least 12 inches long, and I'm only 6 to 7 inches). She ensures me she has only enjoyed sex with with me, and that she is fine with my size, and has he was her first she could be mistaken, but how can I trust her? Specially when she has already lied to me, and is always praising all the manly non-sexual atributes of her ex.
I don't want the relationship to be over, but I don't think I can cope with what happened. Waht should I do?
Posted Wed Nov 12, 2008 06:28 PM
Posted Wed Nov 12, 2008 06:49 PM
This is the problem, not the lying. I'm guessing she was uncomfortable talking about how sex with him was bad so she just tried to downplay that--a small lie in the big scheme of things.
But praising an ex to her current bf is bad. Let her know how it makes you feel and how you would like her to stop and just be done with the past. Don't scold her or anything--she really might not know she's being socially clumsy about this. Just help her learn how to communicate with her current bf with better sensitivity--this can be an opportunity for your relationship to move forward.
Posted Wed Nov 12, 2008 08:26 PM
Posted Wed Nov 12, 2008 08:50 PM
Posted Fri Nov 14, 2008 09:07 AM
That's another thing that bothers me about her: she says she never had feelings for the guy. That she liked him, but never fell for him. But at the same time that it wasn't a lustful relationship, since she's not that kind of person.
I don't know if it's just me, but it's very weird for someone who doesn't cares about sex and wasn't in love to haver her first time with the guy, don't you think?
Posted Fri Nov 14, 2008 01:23 PM
Posted Sat Nov 15, 2008 10:31 AM
If the worst thing she's done in your relationship is lie about how many times she's had sex, I think you're doing alright.
Posted Sat Nov 15, 2008 11:51 AM
But let me just bring up this; somtimes young girls think that simply because we are guys (even if we are their same age), that we automatically have more sexual experience, and so that makes them feel somewhat insecure. If this girl feels like that, and has not been in enough relationships to know better, maybe she is specifically trying to use this guy to make you jealous (as you said he is the exact opposite of you), so that you think more highly of her (she had what your not). Some girls just have more experience with watching shitty immoral, manipulative citcoms, than with actual relationship experience with living people, and so they dont know how to behave.
I think that the advice above is correct- tell her that it is common courtesy in a relationship that you only speak about an ex if your current partner asks- and that you will not be asking anymore because you dont care. If she wants to be with you, she will get the picture, and if not, better you know now and cut ties.
Posted Sat Nov 15, 2008 09:57 PM
For sure ask her to stop talking about the ex. She'll stop if she cares for you. If she doesn't after 2 weeks, let her go. That's plenty of enough time to get your act straight. Lying about how many times you had sex with a person can hurt, but to lye about how many sex partners you've had is way bigger of a problem.