Feeling guilty with girlfriend
Posted Fri Nov 21, 2008 03:54 AM
I swear on my life that I am loyal to the end and will never cheat, and I'm not the asshole who stares at other girls in front of my significant other. (that sounds bad but you know what I mean).
I do tell her how beautiful I know she is, and what she means to me, and I have for as long as I've known her; but still, the insecurity has never gone away. As of the past 6 months or so, I found that a certain unlucky trait I have which has previously not shown up in our relationship, has found a way. That trait being that I really, really don't like being told what to do (unless it's in the bedroom and real kinky ). But back to a serious note, it frustrates me, I start to feel like she shouldn't have to say that, and if it's a deeper problem or worry then she should talk to me about it. I've said things like this to her, but she persists with that half-joking way.
As a result, I now find that when she does say something along those lines, or something involving my loyalty to her and our relationship, I start to think. What if these things never have to be said? And for the next day or so, I actually do find myself more attracted to other women, more-so than instinct would normally have it. In a sense, I guess her saying this to me is simply put: a turnoff.
The part that really makes me feel bad is that if I see or talk to a cute girl, especially one I get along with, I get that deep down sinking feeling, not quite butterflies, but it's not too far off of it. This is what makes me feel guilty, because I cannot remember the last time I had the feeling with my girlfriend. I love her, we have so much fun together and hardly argue, so this really makes me feel guilty and confused.
I always thought a successful, serious relationship was built on comfort and trust - so it's obviously reckless to throw that away for an impulsive thrill, not that I've considered it, and I don't even really mean a sexual one.
The part that she has all wrong though is that she fears more losing me because of my sexual desires, rather than how well we get along.
Anyway I'll cut it off here, should I be feeling as guilty as I am? =[
Posted Fri Nov 21, 2008 04:40 AM
The only thing you should feel guilty about is if you don't talk to her about this and take the opportunity to help your relationship improve.
Posted Fri Nov 21, 2008 10:12 AM
Posted Fri Nov 21, 2008 11:22 AM
her being insecure probably wont ever go away with out some serious help and unless you do go to couples counseling (or maybe she could go to therapy by her self) you are just gonna have to help her understand how you feel about it and hope she keeps her thoughts to herself (thats what i have to do)
you just have to remember that you just saying your not gonna cheat on her or you think shes beautiful isnt enough. when you are that insecure and have problems with your selfesteem its like someone is in your head saying "he doesnt really think your pretty hes just saying that" or "hes looking at that girl and he thinks shes hotter than you, he might leave you for someone like that" its hard to get over it by yourself.
therapy for her would probably be the best choice for this situation.
Posted Fri Nov 21, 2008 01:06 PM
Posted Sat Nov 22, 2008 03:52 AM
Posted Mon Dec 01, 2008 12:25 AM
Posted Mon Dec 01, 2008 02:48 AM
I'm having the exact same situation, always telling me what to do and freaking out if I'm talking to another women. it sucks the more she does it the farther she is pushing me away.
I don't know how serious the relationship is but the best advices i can give is just to talk to her, BUT.... stand up for yourself if your needs are not being met. Everyone deserves to be happy It might be time to move on to someone that can trust
Posted Mon Dec 01, 2008 08:44 AM
Posted Mon Dec 01, 2008 11:43 AM