Okay, So I Met a Girl... Who is Married, Sorta
Posted Sun Nov 23, 2008 01:19 AM
But then, she told me she is married, in the middle of a divorce, and took a while to call me back because she feels guilt over well, talking to me. She considered ending our little "date" early because of guilt.
But, after discussing things with me, she still wants to go out. I don't exactly have a problem with that. I do balk at the whole going out with a married woman thing, but.... she is in the divorce process.
We leveled with each other. She told me, until she is ready, for me not to try something physical with her, because she might not be able to say no. I told her she would have to agree to the same. I told her that I am attracted to her, and was interested just upon seeing her.
Frankly, this woman is very different from anyone I've ever had deaings with. She is not physically, emotionally, or personality wise what I am accomstomed to, and all things said, that may be for the best.... but my spider sense tells me this is starting badly.
I like her. I actually like her alot more than I am willing to let on. And, I want to see where this can go, but I have a certain doubt about the future given her circumstances.
She has told me that in the few hours we've talked, she's told me more about herself than her husband has heard in the last 2 years. And, she knows more about me (hopes, dreams, other stuff) than she knows about her husband. Frankly, from her perspective their marriage did sound like an emotional wasteland of non-communication.
I don't know. I'm freakin' out here. I want to as I said, See where this can go.
I figure I've done well so far simply by spewing my hot crazy juice all over her and not having her run the other way.... And also by not bending her over and mounting her, which I've had the urge to do (and apparently, the feelings were mutual... in being mounted for her... you know what I mean)
How do I even come close to trying to make this work. I am rusty. Other than a hookup with an old fuckbuddy some time ago, I haven't had anything approximating a relationship, or a date in over a year.
Posted Sun Nov 23, 2008 02:29 AM
You also want to avoid just being a rebound...but I'm sure you've thought of that.
Posted Sun Nov 23, 2008 04:31 AM
I do like the concept of the divorce going through concept. I am not planning on doing anything with her until the divorce goes through.
And we are both night people (because of job situations) who are up at night who find themselves not having a lot to do outside of going to a diner or hanging out at a random place which is open at night. Or watching tv at one person or the other's house. This is what people with overnight jobs do.
I don't see dating as a traditional thing, the way many people see it, between us. I'd see it more as a well, what I described. Only issue is, in such a situation, it becomes all the more likely you will end up doing stuff, physically.
Oh, there is the added fun that she has two children (from a previous).
Posted Sun Nov 30, 2008 04:27 AM
She is stimulating, intellectually, emotionally, and physically, and I know I am starting to like her in all kinds of ways. At the same time, I know she is emotionally not ready right now (or probably a while) for a relationship. And, oddly (atleast for me) I don't see an issue waiting on this.
I have talked of sex with her, and it's something she hasn't done is 5 months. Her husband had a variety of issues, but one of them was that he had a drinking problem. Not a "I'm gonna beat you" problem, but just a I'm going to tune out from the world every day after work and occasionally call into work, so I don't have to deal with life problem. That wasn't attractive to her. Not being able to have an intellectual conversation with him also wasn't exactly making her nethers twitch either.
I have told her a little of my past (sexually), and it didn't freak her out. But, then I discovered she has had some interesting times herself. Overall, I doubt that would be a problem.
Our politics are different to say the least, but she doesn't seem to care.
The kids is an interesting story, but one I won't have to deal with at all anytime soon.
The main thing I'm worried about here is the following:
#1.) I am worried I like her alot more than she likes me. She doesn't want to jump out of the pot and into the skillet, and while I respect that, it burns. Because I already want a relationship with her. I don't think her mind is anywhere close to made up on that issue.
#2.) How do I get her to put me to the top of a list if you will? She stood out in the cold, talking to me for hours. Everytime we talk, or go out, it's for hours. But, this can be equally friend territory as it can be "I like you territory." I am willing to wait here. Months if necessary. But not if she is going to reject me.
#3.) I don't feel a burning passion coming from her. I know she is capable of it. But, I haven't felt it. Granted, while it's there for me, I've been hiding it (and apparently fairly well). I want to know if it's being hidden from me (largely because she knows she is not ready yet), or if it's just not there at all.
I realize the answers to these questions might be virtually impossible, but I am open to all ideas. I haven't met a woman in a long time I have had anything close to the level of interest I've had for this woman, and I don't want to invest in this thing, if there isn't atleast a chance it can work out.
Posted Sun Nov 30, 2008 08:17 PM
All i can say is i think you are on the right page here. She is probably quite the wreck, is the only way to really put it. She's probably looking for somebody to be there for her, an unbiased person, a new friend if you will. In a way it's like opening a new page after reading the same one over and over again for however long she was married. I would be honest with her though, don't try to hide your feelings. As i was reading this a couple of things jumped out at me because they reminded me of a situation that i was in recently. Think about it this way, she could be feeling the same way and is hiding it because she doesn't think you feel the same way for her for whatever reason. So you both are ping-ponging around with yourselves and each other. It's a possibility!
Also, i think you need to look a little more realistically. Your comment about the kids, and the one about her not being ready for 'months' i think you said... be more prepared for YEARS to be in that sentence. You're going to be way ahead of her no matter where you are in the relationship. Now you kinda like her and can see yourself waiting for her, but once she realizes she kinda likes you and wants to take it to the next level, you're going to be wanting even more than that. Get what i'm saying?
These are things i know from experience. I wasn't married but i happened to jump from from a 6 year relationship into another one. Despite all precautions it got more involved than I wanted, and he began to feel like waiting for me maybe wasn't such a good idea. In the end he cheated on me because i wasn't ready to take the next step of moving in together and stuff. Not saying you would do that, just sayin'.
Posted Sun Nov 30, 2008 08:21 PM
One thing here. Back to kind of what i said in my above post. Maybe she is afraid you aren't attracted to her and she's supressing it.
But in my opinion she is probably afraid of letting that side of her show. If she hasn't had sex in awhile it's a distinct possibility that she is afraid to jump back into that without feeling strongly for somebody, or knowing that the person isn't going to screw her over in the end. After being with one person for so long, somebody 'new' can be intimidating. Especially after the last person failed her.
Posted Sun Nov 30, 2008 09:08 PM
I know people that will tell you that the other person doesn't listen well, but after awhile, you realize that if you don't agree with them, you weren't listening.
Posted Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:59 PM
Posted Wed Dec 10, 2008 09:13 PM
I can hear that you are interested in a relationship with her, and that kind of hope can at times semi-blind us to the reality of the situation. Just please be careful. Love, heart break, divorce, and "the other guy" can be a very volitile combination.