Should I pursue the relationship or break it off now?
Posted Thu Nov 27, 2008 03:08 PM
Should I continue pursuing this relationship? I'm really considering breaking off the date for Saturday because of how I feel right now.
Posted Thu Nov 27, 2008 03:54 PM
Posted Thu Nov 27, 2008 04:27 PM
It might just be that she was worried that you weren't a complete and utter slacker, so that's why she really wanted to know. I wouldn't worry about it for right now, see how things go, and if you end up wanting to take it to the next level, come right out and ask her.
A man who has goals and is wanting to make a good life for himself is the most attractive thing. I don't care how much money he makes, as long as he's not pushing drugs or sitting at home playing WoW while living off his mommy's paycheck. You know? Give her the benefit of the doubt, for now.
Posted Thu Nov 27, 2008 04:39 PM
Posted Thu Nov 27, 2008 04:51 PM
Posted Thu Nov 27, 2008 05:18 PM
Posted Thu Nov 27, 2008 07:44 PM
You don't know what her thought process was after learning that you weren't a crazy slacker.
You're being hypocritical. Your point is that you don't want her being interested in you based on a judgement call she made about you (that you're successful) because you think her perspective is shallow. Well you aren't going to get anywhere with anyone if that's how you begin viewing people you've just met. You're judging her without giving her a chance to defend yourself. For all you know this girl may love that you have a great job because it means you're a good guy who wants to make the most of his life and if you got laid off in 20 years and chose to join the peace corps she'd love you anyway, but you wrote her off because she called you after finding out you had a good job and you misread that. Meanwhile some girl barely making minimum wage shows up one day and for whatever reason doesn't care what you do but is smart enough to figure out that you mus make a living somehow. Then you decide to run off and join the peace corps and she dumps you because it means you now longer have an income.
You don't know what's really going on and you're blindly making a judgement based on an assumption you made about someone you don't know.
I'm curious how many successful relationships you've had? How long were these relationships and how many women have met your standard of being impressed by your views on life and disregarding employment factors?
I'm sorry but this girls sounds great for you. Maybe she does care if you have a job but that doesn't mean what you assume it means. It could simply mean that she equates paying your own way with self respect and personal responsibility for the greater good. You don't know and you're assuming that you do and you can't get very far in life that way. At least, you're missing a lot of opportunities by closing doors without taking chances. You don't have to go in full force, but you didn't even give her a chance.
You wrote her off based on one action you really knew nothing about at all. All it really showed is that she was interested in you. That's it.
Posted Thu Nov 27, 2008 11:06 PM
Now it's true I've had few relationships, I'm really shy about approaching women one on one. One of my previous relationships was really devastating, my girlfriend whom I was with for 2 1/2 years was killed in a car crash. One of the most beauiful people you could ever meet. She is a big reason why I'm involved in so many community activities and devoted to helping people less fortunate than me. You refer to me as being hypocrytical and I don't knock you for your opinion. On the contrary I really appreciate the feedback, and who knows you may be right. But one thing I'm sure of is that I've worked hard all my life to present a respectable resume to an employer that would help me reach my goals. I never thought I would need this same resume to be accepted by someone that could potentially be my life partner. I'm not breaking up with her after all, I'm just making sure the relationship doesn't materialize into anything bigger. If this means I grow up to be a lonely man, then that's how it's supposed to be. I'm going to continue to try to be a better person every day. I honestly believe thatyou should enter a relationship with the intentions of making another person happy, and their happiness should in turn make you happy. If you get someone who wants to do the same for you then you're lucky. I hope to find that person, and I could care less if she's standing behind a fast food counter serving food if when I meet her.
Posted Fri Nov 28, 2008 08:16 PM
I honestly think he had the best intentions with his actions, but he inadvertantly stopped caring for himself. He became an entrepreneur and was extremely successful in his business. He really made an excellent life for himself. Yet, he was alone.
I know that it's risky to care for someone after losing someone you love. I've been there, several times over even. It's easy, after the first time or two, to look at the world and look at those you love whoa re still here and say to yourself that you're just going to do your best to make the most of what you have. What you don't realize you're doing is closing the door on everything you don't have, because the more you gain the more you have to lose. Particularly with people.
So my advice to you, after more than 20 loved ones lost in 25 years, is to accept that it hurts. Accept that there are good people in this world who are worth loving very much, and there are bad people in this world who will hurt you in one way or another. Just because you get hurt 999 times, please don't be convinced that you will be hurt on the 1,000th try. I know you have every right to think it will probably go bad again, but don't let that stop you.
Instead of focusing on bettering everything around you (or at least in addition to that) learn to focus on making yourself stronger so that you can truly give yourself to those you love who are still here. Don't stunt those relationships from continuing to grow. Don't be afraid to get taken advantage of. Learn to enjoy the experiences you have. Even if you get to know this girl and she turns out to be bad, well, she's not bad right now. Is she? Enjoy the good in her for what it is. Put your efforts into not letting the bad get to you, or stop you from fully appreciating the good.
We all have good and bad in us. If you worry too much about getting hurt (by death or gold diggers or etc.) then you'll miss a lot of good things in this world.
You're worried about girls not caring enough about your intentions and caring too much for your achievements. Well, follow my analogy, I (prior to my current SO) was worried about getting used for sex. It happened several times and it never felt good afterwards. What I learned is that the only way to keep myself out there looking for my match is to keep getting out there. I can't find the man I'm meant to be with if every time I meet a man I'm pretty sure he just wants to get laid so I don't warm up to him physically at all. If I never open up then I'll just keep everyone away. Yeah I won't get hurt but I won't get to be happy either. So after a while I decided that I would make the most of my dates. I would appreciate the good experiences, I would appreciate getting to know a man who is obviously clever (because he's duping me and I'm no bigger fool than most people), and I would appreciate the feeling of opening up and having someone appear to appreciate me. Regardless of how it ended, I learned to appreciate what good there was and see the most in it.
I know how you feel. It's tempting to keep yourself in line toward your goals and be really selective so that if you do get involved it will only be because it was really worth it. But is it really worth potentially not ever getting involved?
Posted Fri Nov 28, 2008 08:23 PM