Posted Wed Aug 26, 2015 11:32 AM
I have a sort of embarrassing question. It may sound weird, but here goes: I'm a fairly good looking 33 years old male. I struggled with low self-esteem for years due to being too skinny (imagine a tall 6'3" dude that weighs 165 lbs) but now that I work out 3x per week, rock climb and watch my food, I dare say I look athletic, with really low bodyfat and my self-esteem is doing better. Yeah I do have a slightly receding hairline, but if I buzzcut my hair, it looks ok.
I'm currently single and to be honest, I really enjoy it. I'm exceptionally independent and even though I love being around friends, I'm completely opposite of shy and I love meeting new people, I also need to be alone to "recharge my batteries". I really need a lot of "alone time". Living with a woman is out of the question for me and having kids even more so.
Eve having a girlfriend would not make me happy: I have no space for a girlfriend in my life. I have my hobbies, sports and occupations and I don't really want to sacrifice time I spend on that for a woman. It would only make me and her unhappy.
I've had a girlfriend for about a year and to be honest, I enjoyed having sex with her a lot and we had plenty of it, but spending time with her outside of sex annoyed me. After fucking, I often just wanted to say bye and go home. I also feel no need to have a woman in my life and I feel that trying to find a girlfriend now would feel like if I'm just forcing myself to do something just to "fit in the image of a normal 33 year old guy with wife and kids" so I said "fuck this crap" and decided to start looking for a woman when I'm damn ready for it. Which is not now.
The only thing I miss from having a girlfriend, is the sex. The pure physical pleasure of fucking. I'm not even missing the cuddling afterwards and the "post-sex talk", I just miss the physical pleasure of foreplay and the sex itself.
I don't need to have any love to be present in sex. If there's mutual respect and mutual consent and I find the woman in question physically attractive, that's all I need to get it up. I always found it strange that I don't necessarily need to be in love to enjoy sex. Hell, I can get a boner and fuck a complete stranger, provided there's mutual respect and she's attractive. You could put me in a sex club and I'd probably have sex with all women I find attractive and that also want it.
Not so long ago, I found out why I'm so sexually libertine and this is where it becomes embarrassing: I also suffer from irritable bowel syndrome. Mainly, it manifests itself in form of pain. Just unpleasant pain. I manage to keep that pain in check by taking medication permanently. It's perfectly safe and legal medication and my doc sanctioned it. It's the only one that has any effect on me and it doesn't have any dangerous or weird side effects... except one: I read that apparently, it also raises sexual desire and arousal. Not to a crazy extent, but the doctor said that this very likely explains why wanting to have sex comes so easily for me.
I remember that before I started taking those medicine, I had a fairly low sex drive. Now, I'm not gonna say I'm addicted to sex, and most of the time I can "help myself" when I'm horny but every once in a while I really long for having good hot sex with a woman, just for the purely physical pleasure. There are days when the pain is worse and I have to take a second pill and on those days the horniness is often even worse.
I mean, with my ex-girlfriend I had sex all the time. Often multiple times per evening and I usually managed to make her come. I got incredibly aroused when we had sex in different places like hidden in the bushes at night or in her car or when she stroked my cock while I fingered her in an almost empty theater room :-)
Anyway, I spoke about this to a buddy of mine who's a psychologist. He knows I'm a single that really enjoys being single and that has no desire to have a girlfriend. I explained this sexual arousing with the medication thing and he said "well, you're single! Why don't you have a one night stand once in a while?". True, I could, but the thing is it has worked sometimes to pick up a woman for a one night stand in a bar or via Tinder and whatnot, but this is really rare. The thing is, if I want and need sex at a certain point, on occasion, I can hook up and get a one night stand which is great, but in 80% of the cases, I can't simply because the occasion doesn't present itself. I just need sex more often than I can score a one night stand.
I've been to the US on vacation a few months ago and I noticed a big difference between the US and Belgium where I live: apps like Tinder are mostly used for sexdates in America. Here in Belgium, every single woman I've met through it was looking for something serious. Only one woman didn't: a Costa Rican girl who was in Belgium for her work. We ended up having sex.
A lot of women my age are looking for something more serious and I don't want the hassle. I want to basically just have sex, we both have fun and that's it. Yes, I could lie to a woman, make her think I'm in love and then dump her after having sex with her but I was raised to be respectful. I don't want to deceive a woman like this. I don't fuck around with people's emotions. Don't get me wrong, I do continue having one night stands, but it's really rare. Another friend of mine said that I could also see an escort every once in a while. Continue approaching women with respect, have a one night stand when it happens, but hire an escort sometimes as well to satisfy your sexual desire when there is no one night stand around.
I have no moral problems with this. As I said, sex is not taboo for me and not some "magical thing that only your true love should receive". For me, it's a human instinct that happens to be fun. I also realize escorts are, forgive me for putting it bluntly, just one of the tools in the box to get my sexual desires met and that I should continue approaching women normally as well, which I plan to do, but an escort would be a way to have sex in moments I need it but can't score a one night stand. Lets say that the occasional ONS can satisfy 20% of the times I need sex... the other 80%... well that's the whole problem :-)
Do you think an escort would understand my situation that I just need sex more often than I get one night stands?
Of course, I realize escorts are human beings and need to be treated with respect. I respect their wishes and limits. I'm respectful to everyone if they reciprocate it.
What are your opinions on this? Am I a pervert? Is this something to be ashamed of?
Sorry for the rambling, but I'm still very new to this.
Posted Wed Aug 26, 2015 03:44 PM
Posted Wed Aug 26, 2015 03:54 PM
Posted Wed Aug 26, 2015 07:08 PM
And there is nothing wrong with you or your attitude. Not everyone wants a relationship. That's perfectly OK. So don't let anyone tell you there's something wrong with you for not wanting an emotional connection. Sex is a biological function, and it can be fun, so go enjoy it. All the emotional baggage people attach to it is a result of cultural attitudes, not nature. We're designed to fuck and fuck often, so go forth and fuck. Nothing wrong with that.
Posted Wed Aug 26, 2015 07:35 PM
Posted Wed Aug 26, 2015 07:48 PM
that's ALL of US - is DIFFERENT ....
I don't see you have a "problem" at all ....sorry
except - if you "find" Ms Right - and fall in love ......
This post has been edited by the minx: Wed Aug 26, 2015 07:50 PM
Posted Thu Aug 27, 2015 02:22 AM
To help out with ya problem, have you thought about hooking up with younger girls, I mean girls who are in their early 20's. Coz you are 33 doesn't mean you have to chase after girls your age. And younger girls I think tend to look for one night stands more so than older women. By all means see an escort as long as that is legal where you are. All you need to know about seeing an escort is be respectful to them and of course use protection. They are not looking for love and really they don't want you to fall in love with them and they won't fall in love with you either. So no worries there for you about getting emotionally attached to them.
Sorry to hear that you have irritable bowel syndrome and I hope the medication your on stays effective.
Posted Mon Aug 31, 2015 04:32 PM
I know I could go for fuckbuddies, but they're not what I would call so common :-) It's not like going in a store and buying a fucking apple. I have done the bar thing a couple of times. And I only got lucky once. It just takes so much effort and yeah, it's also fun and it's part of the game, but there are moments where I don't want all the "game" thing and I just want to fuck the shit out of a hot woman without drama.
I do still continue to use Tinder and pick up women in bars, but scoring isn't as frequent as I need sex. It seems that in my country (Belgium), "hookup apps" are not as popular as in the US. I've been to the US on vacation and hookup apps such as Tinder really often do get used for sexdates. In Belgium, every sigle woman I've met on Tinder were looking for an actual serious relationship. Only one woman didn't: a Costa Rican girl who was in Belgium for her work. We ended up having sex.
Same goes for bars.
Put it this way, if I want and need sex at a certain point, on occasion, I can hook up and get a one night stand which is great, but in 80% of the cases, I can't simply because the occasion doesn't present itself. I just want to fuck more often than I can score a one night stand. Not to mention sometimes I just want to fuck and not the whole hassle of seducing someone (only to have a high chance of it not going anywhere).
I guess there's also something about fucking an escort that I fantasize about. Is it because it's still considered something "naughty" which makes it exciting (it's legal here in Belgium though as long as nobody forces her into it like woman traffickers do)? Is it because escorts are probably not as prudish as my ex was? Is it because I feel I can tell her about my fantasies without feeling weird about it? I dunno. One of my fantasies for examples is fucking while videorecording it for private use. Another fantasy is to try different positions which I never did with my ex (only missionary and cowgirl)... maybe I want to see an escort because I want that experience.
I just feel like seeing escorts still has that "only ugly or fat guys who can't get pussy for free" vibe around it...
Posted Tue Sep 01, 2015 03:42 AM
Posted Wed Sep 09, 2015 12:27 AM
I would just be very cautious because the escort may become a routine you never break out of. They will fuck you and they will talk your ego up if you want them too. They can create a perfection that might make you fall in love...only there is no love to fall in. It just takes $$. Make sure you use a reputable escort, not something you chintz out on imho. Here in America (where escorts walk a grey legal line) the difference [when talking sex] between a prostitute and an escort is a dollar sign; one may be doing it for meth, the other to pay the rent.
For me if I were in a similar situation I would make an escort a once or twice a year 'treat'.