How important is the religion...
Posted Sun Jan 11, 2009 05:19 AM
I just am frustrated by this because it hadn't ever seemed to be a problem(we've been together for coming on 2 years in a couple of months), and if going to church/Bible study were truly that important, then wouldn't she be going to church every Sunday or be in a Bible study right now(she's told me she doesn't like the church most of the students here go to, but if it were extremely important to her I'd think she'd find a church that suited what she was looking for)?
I'm probably wrong in thinking this or missing something because I am not extremely religious but I am just confused and frustrated.
Posted Sun Jan 11, 2009 07:23 AM
it's just a difference.. if we get along, why does it matter?
Posted Sun Jan 11, 2009 11:30 AM
There are many people that have relationships/marriages that are of different religions. Most share a basic view of the same thing. Complete opposites would likely not work in a relationship well but anything can work if you communicate and work with each other.
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 01:47 AM
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 03:17 AM
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 03:23 AM
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 03:58 AM
I'm not blaming her for her religion and if it came off that way I didn't mean it. I just feel like she's being somewhat hypocritical in that she says that going to church every Sunday/having someone that would be in a Bible study are extremely important to her then she would be going to Church every Sunday or would be in a Bible study and thats not the case. I don't think its because we were dating and she maybe felt weird going to Church, because even before we started dating, we were friends for a while before, she didn't go to Church every Sunday/etc. Just seems to be she's either being hypocritical or she's using the religion issue to cover-up for what the real issue bothering her is.
Like I said before, she's said she doesn't like the Church that most of the students/people she knows go to, but its not like that is the only church in the city, I feel like if it was really important to her she'd find a Church that suits what she feels she needs.
Basically, I'm just having a hard time dealing with this because its not making a lot of sense to me. Maybe I'm wrong in this. I don't know. Just seems hypocritical of her, and it feels like there is something else she isn't telling me.
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 05:03 AM
I for one would totally understand if somebody who was heavily involved in (any) religion did not want to be with me because I am an atheist who has no interest in any religion whatsoever. It's one of those things that many people have a hard time getting past.
It does however seem weird that it would take 2 years for her to feel uncomfortable about it. I think there may be another underlying reason behind the break up and she's using religion as an easy excuse.
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 10:35 AM
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 11:53 AM
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 11:57 AM
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 12:21 PM
For some reason im picturing Grissom from CSI saying this... lol maybe im weird
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 12:22 PM
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 12:37 PM
It seems there is either anouther reason she is not telling you or has recently re-examined her life and been more realistic with hrself as to what she wants
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 12:44 PM
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 03:27 PM
great metaphor.. i'll remember that one
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 06:34 PM
girls just cant let their religion go
if she wants to practice it it isnt right for you to stop her
but if shes gonna dump you for not practicing it with her
then she isnt good enough
im agnostic BTW
Posted Mon Jan 12, 2009 11:40 PM
Posted Tue Jan 13, 2009 04:31 AM
I know part of our recent problems had to do with me graduating in May and probably being us being a couple of hours away next year(she still has another semester/year to go). We had a talk about probably keeping our relationship a little more open next year and just seeing where she ends up and how we feel about each other and everything seemed fine. She goes home for the weekend and then its time to break up because of religion, especially odd when it hadn't been an issue/source of conflict(which we had very very little of) during our entire relationship. In fact we were both interested in each other's religion. I was gonna spend Christmas last year with her and her family, going to church with them, the whole shebang but came down with the flu a couple of days before, and would have gone to celebrate Easter with her and her family had I not already told my parents I wanted to visit my bro over the long weekend. She was supposed to come back home with me for a weekend and go to the Temple with me and my parents and take part in one of our celebrations, but again the schedules ended up not working out, she's been with me to certain celebrations that the ISA has put forth. So its not like we haven't tried to take part in each other's religion or have been derisive toward each other's religion. In fact its been the complete opposite.
I do think something may have happened with her parents. Maybe they finally told her how they actually felt about her possibly ending up with someone of a different religion. Maybe they were fine with her just dating someone of another religion, but actually getting married was out of the question as far as they were concerned. They might have seen that this was not just casual dating but a serious, long-term, committed relationship and decided they should voice their opinion about the future now before she got in to deep and then had to make an even harder decision. I'm not sure but it just feels like something else is going on.
I'm not gonna sit here and say that I know for a fact that we'll be together even after we are apart for a year(I figure if she stays in state after college we can keep up our relationship but if she ended up leaving the state it'd be best just to end it, remain close friends, and then see what happens if our paths cross and we are both single/looking for a relationship)people/things/circumstances change. And I'm not talking about getting married right when we graduate, we both have somethings to accomplish and both have aspirations of some professional school, however, I do know that I am deeply in love with this girl, and I know she feels the same(she told me), and I want to be with the person I love right now. Life is way too short to live with any regrets, and I don't want to look back and realize I let the girl of my dreams walk away without at least fighting for her a little bit.
I just really want a clear answer because this thing really came out of nowhere and what she's saying and her actions don't/haven't been lining up. If its a family thing, I don't want to get in the middle of anything and cause a strain on her relationship with her parents so I will let it go and we can continue to be friends(she's probably my best friend which makes this especially hard and it will be even harder given how deeply and strongly I feel about her), but I feel like I can't be a true friend to her unless I get a clear answer.
Sorry for the rambling but I cannot get this out of my head. Thanks for all the responses as well.