Breaking out of routine sex
Posted Mon Jun 13, 2016 12:04 AM
Been in a committed, straight relationship for several years now but unfortunately we have began to have routine, boring, unaltered sex. I want to know any tips, hints or advice anyone would have for me to help "break out" of boring routine sex. Thanks for any reaponse and I appreciate any help I can recieve.
Posted Mon Jun 13, 2016 02:23 AM
Talk to her. Find a good time. You'll need to work this one out, maybe before, during or straight after the 'first round'. Or maybe outside the bedroom altogether. But make it constructive, do not be negative to her or make it sound like it's her 'fault'. Don't put pressure on her, ask her what she'd like to try.
Talking about sex may not be easy, so maybe after a drink (but not drunk) and with some making out. Maybe with inhibitions lowered a little and with some arousal, you may both be open to some frank and honest discussion. But try to keep it light, fun and about trying new things. Be aware it could lead to a wider relationship discussion, be prepared for this, and be ready to fix it!
Do you use toys? If not, get a vibe. If you do, get a new one, or several!
I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, who tends to lead in the bedroom or out of it. But maybe take the lead and try breaking the usual routine / pattern of sex you have now. I'm guessing you may have the same routine, maybe be always in bed at night, certain nights of the week. Same foreplay, positions and same stages to get to penetration.
Try different location, even just making out on the couch and doing it there. Or the kitchen!
Hold off penetration. Tease her, lick her, play with her, give her oral, try and make her cum without penetration. By bringing the arousal levels up like this, may just naturally alter your sessions.
Try a little light restraint (with the above).
Do you have ass play / anal? Not always an easy one to get into if you don't, but worth the long haul to get there.
Clothes, underwear, lingerie? This may work, get her something that makes her feel sexy. Try something that you / she may consider risque like a corset.
Little things work. Compliments! Try hitting on her while your out doing mundane things like shopping. Touching, caressing, squeezing her ass, kissing her whilst in public.
Take her on a date! (simple things are often the easiest but always overlooked)
Make it about her (in a good way). Be positive. Communicate. Put in the effort (very important). And be prepared to get a couple of knock backs, but take it like a grown up, us men can be very immature at times.
Did I mention, communicate!
Posted Mon Jun 13, 2016 06:49 AM
Nothing beats spontaneity when it comes to sex. If you talk too much about it, when you do it, it feels like you're acting, or just doing something because the other asked for it.
It's like dancing. You go with the music, let it flow naturally. Choreography is fine, but only for pros.
How to introduce new things? Just do them. Start with small changes, giving your partner the opportunity to follow you in the journey.
You could start by a change of rhythm, like moving faster, or slowing down from what you usually do.
You could try a new environment. Couch instead of bed? Shower room?
It could be playing on her body with feathers, ice, massage oils.
You could try a different position, or change the order of your staple sex. If you start with oral, why not start with something else, then leave oral for later.
You could try different vocal stimulation. Tell your partner different things than what you usually do during sex.
Don't ask for permission. We love confidence. Asking for permission is not cool. The way to go is starting something new with small steps, giving your partner time and opportunity to express like and dislike by body expression. You approach a finger to her ass. If she doesn't like it, she'll move your hand away. Respect that and try something else instead.
Posted Tue Jun 14, 2016 06:48 AM
In complete contrast to the lovely marh, I like when a partner asks permission first. It's not a mood killer for me, but rather a sign of respect. I've been with too many people who simply grabbed what they wanted with no concern for me at all. So it's a wonderful feeling when someone cares enough about me to ask if something is OK before doing it.
But this is something that's different for everyone. In other threads, there has been plenty of debate over whether or not a man should ask first. Ultimately , the OP knows his partner and his relationship better than we do and will have to decide for himself which course he wants to take.
Posted Mon Sep 12, 2016 03:50 PM
Posted Tue Sep 13, 2016 04:14 AM
After 29 years of happy marriage and great sex, I have to say good open, uninhibited communication is mostly what it's all about.
It's all very well to say you should be spontaneous, but that only works for a small minority of situations. We evolved speech and hearing for a reason! Be prepared to take the initiative if she finds it difficult to talk, and make sure it's always a discussion, not an argument.
In a long-term relationship, sex soon becomes about far more than penetration and cumming together, and if you feel like you are in a rut, it's probably because you've reached this crossroads. Routine is actually a good sign, because you have finished with the lust and the thrill of the new, which is instinctive, and you are ready to take things to new, higher levels.
PM me if you want some specific ideas, but generally we have found we get a lot of satisfaction from taking it in turns to give and receive pleasure, which can also help you get over the inevitable imbalance in sexual appetite.
But you will never move up to the next level until you tell each other what you want.
Posted Fri Sep 16, 2016 08:10 AM