I need to be more dominant..
Posted Thu Feb 19, 2009 11:50 AM
The problem is, i'm really submissive. Outside of conventional sex (i didnt say BORING, we still have alot of fun but theres little dominance or controlling behavior, outside of who's on top or being a little rough) I'm really nervous and new to being like that.
So she likes to be tied up, she's into pain (hot wax), open to any form of penetration or oral.. basically everything.. she likes rough play (lets say being handled roughly), so i'm basically open to ANYTHING i want to do to her.
I typically talk dirty to her, toss her around a lil, hold her down and tie her up. Its a great start, i set the mood well. but from there i cant follow it up well.
i usually go into some sort of making her want me while she's restraint. usually teasing her kissing around sensitive areas, but not immediatly jumping into giving oral. from there things unravel and i wind up just gettin to it and screwin her. at that point, the restraints are usually off and i toss away the dominance.
I know how to initiate it. I can't follow it up. any ideas? more teasing? less touching her? touch myself? make her give me oral? make her lick my anus? i dont know if i should be making her pleasure ME.. i feel like i should be pleasuring HER!
we tried a role reversal and it turns out she's no better at being dominant than me. It really is a hard role to play. We really are completly open and at ease with each other. We're really down with anything you can imagine... a n y t h i n g... i just need more original ideas.
Ladies: how would i fulfill your submissive fantasy's? Guys: How do you do!!!
I feel like the homosexual community could really help me out here as well. Please give advice on being dominant and making her want me in the worst way..
Thanks! share your erotic stories too!
Posted Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:09 PM
Posted Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:35 PM
wow.... can that be the most simple yet PERFECT advice?? thank you so much for that lol it really never crossed my mind to just watch some porn...
still share some advice/tips/do's+dont's/fantasies!
Posted Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:39 PM
LOL, I understand your point perfectly. I am a rather large guy at 6'4 230, and because of that, I have always gone out of my way to be very gentle and controled around my girls just so they would always feel safe around me. As I find short girls exponentially more attractive than tall girls, this further pushes the issue, I feel at times that if I even put my entire weight on my little 5'2 gf, that I might simply break her.
When I first started dating my current GF of 3 yrs, she opened up and said that sometimes she likes to be treated "rudely". I first thought that she meant bondage, or playing at being rough with her, but later she clarified and said "yes I like bondage and rough sex, but it is more than that, I get REALLY turned on when you tell me what to do in a rude way, make me do it if I am slow, and call me names like whore or bitch when you want, and it really turns me on when you slap my face a little when I give you oral sex."
So that really put alot of stress on me! I was raised to always respect woman and I LOVE THIS GIRL- so how can I call her names or raise a hand to her even if she is asking me to!!?? I told her about my natural aversion to this type of thing, and she said "that is why I feel so comfortable asking you to do it for me, I know you will keep me safe while your getting me off."
Little by little I would go a little farther, and eventually I realized that I too really like this type of play. I still sometimes feel like I am not sure when, to begin to play that roll, and when to just have vanilla sex, but I have found that whenever I feel like it and move into that roll, she is right there happy that I did. I think that women (as do men) kind of feel uncertain about "bearing their soul" about what truly turns them on, and that the only want to have to say it once or twice, and then if you dont do it, they will simply stop asking. But if you test it out enough to find that you too enjoy certain aspects, that whenever your into it, she will be into it also. My point being that when two people are comfortable and love each other, sometimes the drive to please the other is so strong, that we will do anything for them, even if that "something" is calling them whore and role playing disrespect.
And just between me and you, I think that an unspoken point that our GF's are trying to make to you and I might be "we know that you love us and treat us sweetly and with respect, but sometimes it makes our blood pump very hard when you let your testosterone flow and demand sexual things, because it makes us feel desired and excited at how powerful our BF is- and that is a huge turn on!"
Ladies- what do you think of the above? Any truth to our guesses?? Please add all that you can- we would really appreciate it!!
Posted Thu Feb 19, 2009 03:25 PM
Its very much as you described. I was raised in a traditional italian-american household with very strong values in respect, especially considering my family was very much matriarchal. Early on in our relationship, my lady said she liked to be choked during sex. I was like "HUH!"... luckily i'm a real friendly guy, i knew her ex and we are actually good friends to this day (all 3 of us believe it or not are great friends) and he confirmed that she liked to be choked during sex.
Here's a little more backround.. I was very much hesitant about getting into the bondage thing, despite both of our interests in it and talking about it mainly due to the fact that my girlfriend was [edited by a mod]
When i say i was hesitant about playing a dominant role and fulfilling her fantasies.. i mean HESITANT as in I pushed it off for an entire year. I did not want her to have some sort of mental relapse and go into some emotional breakdown. Little by little, we messed around testing the waters, and now I know 100% that i do not have to worry about it. (plus i beat the kid that raped her to a pulp when she told me who it was.. can't hide in a small suburban neighborhood...)
I can understand you wanting to be gentle due to your size. Im the opposite, I'm 5'6" 125lbs. I'm asthmatic and allergic to every green thing under the sun. I'm really really really not a dominant kind of guy, (except for in conversation, then i dont shut the fck up lol). I was a geek in high school. Im now a geek in college. I wear a shirt and slacks to work. Not 1 macho bone in my body (well i can think of one i suppose )
it does feel good to kinda break out of your 'shell' though once in a while. I owe it all to this woman though, before her, i was shy beyond belief. Now i'm wild in bed and a loud soon-to-be businessman.
i'll let you all know how things go for me this weekend, we've got some nicee plans. Ive been reading alot of erotica stuff today and i've got tons of ideas now. not to mention, my sex drive is going wild atm lol. all those kinky stories...
This post has been edited by Jewelz: Wed Jun 23, 2010 04:18 PM
Reason for edit:: underage refrence
Posted Fri Feb 20, 2009 08:42 AM
I was reading some stories from http://www.literotica.com.
didnt use anything except a silk rope, a smallll finger tip vibrator to tease with, and a dildo (and myself of course). she came somewhere between 8 to 12 times. We rated it within the top 5 sexual experiences we've had.
Posted Fri Feb 20, 2009 09:44 AM
Posted Thu Feb 26, 2009 09:56 AM
i really liked beau's advice. i had an ex like that. even though i'm not dominant, i became one just because she got so turned on by being used, thrown around, etc. mindblowing experience, it was.
Posted Thu Feb 26, 2009 09:59 AM
Creating a certain dynamic, even aside from any particular sexual actions, can go pretty far.
Posted Thu Feb 26, 2009 02:51 PM