Don't know what to do
Posted Sat Feb 21, 2009 06:45 PM
I'll try to make this as short as possible.
So I dated this girl for a little over 2 years and it was great, then in December we broke up but remained really good friends. We still hung out together and went out. Then we got to the point where we would do everything we used to do but I guess we weren't technically dating. She did however tell some of our friends from work that we were back together even though I didn't think we were. So the past few weeks have been kind of rocky I guess, we haven't really talked to each other that much and haven't spent time together. So yesterday I went to a party with some friends from work and some other guys that I never met before. I don't drink but my ex does and she got pretty drunk. She started to get kind of playful with this one guy that she never met before either. They were play fighting and he had his arm around her. Me and a few friends went out in the hot tub and when I came back I saw them lying on a mattress on the floor, she had her head on his chest and when she saw that I was down there she got off of him. Me and my ex are both 18 and the guy is 20. This guy has a girlfriend though and he's really not my ex's type.
I really love my ex but right now I really hate her. She's gotten very jealous before when I only talked to girls that she thought were better looking than her. So I don't know what to do cause I would never act that way but I still sort of want to get back together. I cant stop thinking about this though and I want to kick this guys ass even though he didnt know my situation with my ex.
How do I approach my girlfriend about this? How do I get over this?
Any advice will help. Thanks
Posted Sat Feb 21, 2009 08:57 PM
It's perfectly understandable that you're feeling hurt and betrayed, and if you feel you cannot forgive her, then let her know that. End of story. If you feel that in spite of it all, you need to give her another chance, I repeat, you'll need to put everything behind forever, but not before having a serious talk. This conversation can have more than one outcome: she might be too ashamed to go back to you; or she might simply think it's over; or she might really want to give it another try. So, prepare for this in advance.
When you talk to her, make sure you address her insecurity issues about you not talking to other girls that are "prettier" than her. Tell her that you have respected this in the past, but that should not be indicative of how much you care for her... otherwise you wouldn't even be considering continuing with her. Also, try to set some boundaries for your relationship in regards to feelings or desires, and that all that needs to be understood and vented between you two... this is the part about trust and communication. I commend you for not having acted on your impulses. I think you realize that the other guy has absolutely no bearing in the situation with your girlfriend... I think it could've been any other guy for that matter.
Now, I don't think I can give advice on what you would need to do to get over this incident. As I said, let your feeelings cool down for a while, and then make a rational decision, but once you make it do not revisit the past, or feel entitled to get even. Whenever in doubt, discuss your feelings with her.
Posted Sat Feb 21, 2009 09:51 PM
Posted Sun Feb 22, 2009 06:45 PM
this would be one way to handle it, if indeed you are still doing things like you used to.
other than that, it isn't that terrible - she simply was laying down on the floor, drunk, with a dude.
HOWEVER, if this is how she will get all the time while you're away and she's out partying, perhaps you should find yourself a better mate.
I'm not sure how I'd handle it. You are simply 18 - is this your first girlfriend? If so, move on! There are plenty of girls out there that are surely hotter than your current flame and probably much better in bed. I would recommend someone 30 or older...give it a shot!
Posted Sun Feb 22, 2009 06:58 PM