The guilt of sexual lust?
Posted Mon Mar 02, 2009 03:39 PM
I've talked to her about this and she doesn't seem bothered. My girlfriend says it's ok. I'm young and I'm horny. lol. She also asked if she was there an another girl was there, would I want her over the other girl. I answer "absolutely!" . She says,The fact that I held back suggests I do love her and I know that it's not risking our relationship. But still I get down.
But, I can't get over thought of having sex with someone else just to get off in those really horny moments. I even ceased watching porn for awhile. Has anyone felt the same way? or am I in isolation?
Posted Mon Mar 02, 2009 04:09 PM
Posted Mon Mar 02, 2009 04:48 PM
Posted Mon Mar 02, 2009 05:40 PM
I've been there. I've always found that aspect of being in relationships very difficult, though it's lessened a bit as I've gotten into my 30's.
the part that i found most difficult was that i felt guilt, that there was something wrong with me, that there was something wrong with my relationship/feelings, etc.
I felt that the only way to express that desire (for someone else) would be to sleep with the desired. but i simply don't think that's true, for me, anymore (in my case, these feelings came up simply for women i'd see in my daily travels through life, no one that i knew).
It really helped me to be able to share these feelings with my gf. not just to say, hey, i'm horny, but to be able to really talk, to have her understand, and to see recognize and love that extremely lustful side of me. that really took the edge off, and made me want her even more.
And I spend quality time masturbating, not just to get off, but to really enjoy the lust that i have for someone.
I think there's something to be said for exploring that desire for someone else, as opposed to trying to get rid of it, or feeling guilty about it. I think fighting it makes it worse, and exploring it, and enjoying that feeling of desire allows it to evolve into something that is not only bearable, but perhaps something that can feel really good, and that can be source of personal power.
Years ago, i saw a therapist. we talked about lust. it was summertime, and i saw so many hot girls that i wanted so badly, that it was painful. it was incredibly frustrating, to the point of anger. And my therapist suggested that i spend some time exploring what that desire feels like, to let the feeling run through me, and to consider that it simply feels good, energizing, and electrifying. And in very short order, i was able to do that, and it's completely changed the way I feel when I see a girl that I want.
Posted Mon Mar 02, 2009 07:36 PM
I just can't look her in the face anymore knowing that I took initiative to almost go through it. I don't believe I could. I mean, I had her in my mind the whole time and the consequences. I guess answering the ads were aprt of the "horny moment" as well. Seeing, I have never posted one outside of it. Plus, I wouldn't feel right getting intimate with another woman, a moment I share with my gf and only her. But sometimes, I get the nooner horny moments and my penis is just overriding my brain until i cum. Making me want to scramble for sex.
I just apologize and wish I wasn't so horny all the time.The sensation is different from masturbation(obviously). I am thinking about getting one of those fleshlights to resist the urge or something. She's my first ever gf, but not my first sexual partner. She is the first person I've ever enjoyed sex with though and the first to make me cum, and ever since I've just been wanting more.
I don't think I would cheat on her. When I'm with her, I'm always pleased. She does it for me. But, when I'm not with her, and can't see her. It's like I need that release. . It's like for i'm willing to throw everything out the window for that get off moment. It gets me upset, really. And scrambles with my feelings.
Posted Mon Mar 02, 2009 07:57 PM
Why don't you talk to her about going to a bar separately, maybe she could dress up sexy like if she's looking for a one-night stand or something, then you pretend you don't know each other, and take it from there. I mean, this is just an example, but your imagination is the limit as to how many turns the story could have. So instead of focusing on different women, maybe you could focus on different situations, and that would take care of the guilt in a whim.
Posted Mon Mar 02, 2009 08:14 PM
We have talked about the bar thing, I can't get into one lol. I'm 19, she's a bit maturer by a decade.
I really love this girl, and I don't believe I would do anything to hurt her, but yeah, it does have me worried. I feel like a sexaholic.
And After having sex, I feel really guilty. Even though, it was great. But due to my religious upbringing(which I don't really follow), I feel down. Especially when its the last thing we do on a date. We could spend the whole day together having fun, enjoying ourselves, and retire to her place and have sex. But I end up feeling like I used her, so I beg her to go do something else.
also, thanks for the responses. I appreciate all the replies and advice!