Ladies Please Help...I need Advise!
Posted Tue Mar 03, 2009 03:07 PM
Last week she told me that I no longer "do it" for her and that she has lost the passion. She has commited to working on our marriage and I am truely happy for that. I always thought that her sex drive was gone but after prying a bit she admited that she masterbates at least once a day. I really don't understand. Do woman like to masterbate more then they like to make love to their significant other? What can I do to help her re-discover the passion. Any advise would be appreciated!
FYI I cook, clean, do laudry, pick-up the kids, take care of them so she can go shopping, ect... Not to brag but I think I am a good husban.
Posted Tue Mar 03, 2009 05:36 PM
I did go through a similar phase after I had my children. It wasn't so bad after the first one, but the second one was more profound. My now ex-husband also was the type who'd help at home, so that wasn't the problem, and we ended up divorcing because of some other unrelated issues.
Pregnancies are very difficult on women's bodies. I gained weight, I didn't feel beautiful, and my then husband's opinion didn't really count. Then, I was breastfeeding, and at times, I felt like if my body didn't belong to me... I had the baby sucking on at one moment, only to have my ex asking for some sex on the next. All in all, I wanted to be alone, and many times I actually preferred masturbabion.
I would give her some space, let her go to a spa and get her hair done... maybe plan something romantic with her, making clear that you don't expect sex in return unless she asks for it. I know that when you're caught in the daily routine, sometimes you forget to do or say things that might sound vane, but that can put a smile on someone else. Compliment her if you think she looks nice, look at her like if it was the first time you saw her, then continue with what you're doing. Often those little things can add up, and she might start to feel sexy again.
Posted Tue Mar 03, 2009 05:51 PM
Perhaps working out and toning a bit might get her attantion?
It is easy to get used to each other after so long together....
Posted Wed Mar 04, 2009 11:00 AM
Our youngest just turned 2 so it hass been a while since the pregnancy, beastfeeding, ect... Last night she admitted to me again that she has lost the passion. What does that mean exactly for a woman??? Does that mean that she no longer finds me attractive? Does she still love me??? I am just so very confused. Please help
Posted Wed Mar 04, 2009 12:03 PM
Daily routine is a definite passion killer, and she probably needs to break away from family life to find herself as a woman again. I had suggested a spa or something, but maybe you should consider a vacation for her alone in some exotic place where she can see other men (like in a beach), and I say this not as a suggestion for an affair although that may happen.
Think about this and talk to her... you do sound like a good husband, but sometimes women become very marginalized from life when children enter the picture, and that makes us feel like door knobs even though we may have a good husband, beautiful children, successful careers, etc.
Posted Wed Mar 04, 2009 06:19 PM
Seriously. Why would I suggest that she goes on a holiday to an exotic place to have an affair? That doesn't make sence at all.
Posted Wed Mar 04, 2009 08:18 PM
Posted Thu Mar 05, 2009 05:29 PM
I'm sorry that this is happening to you, but I think you need to ask some big questions.......
1. Why is she committed to working on the marriage if you no longer 'do' it for her?
2. Why does she feel that it is a chore to have sex with you?
3. Does she still love you?
4. Is she still IN love with you?
On a different note, does your wife have any issues with lubrication or scarring after she gave birth to your children..... Some women lose the ability to lubricate, which can make them feel like their bodies are failing them..... If she tore whilst giving birth her scar could be making sex uncomfortable and that might be why she feels like it is a chore because she is in pain.... (My scar can hurt still after 2 years).
You have to be prepared to hear the words that your wife might not be in love you any more. As painful as it sounds, it may just come out of her mouth.... but at least then you will know....you can formulate a plan and take control of the situation...
You can rekindle passion and you can definitely fall back in love with a person... but you need help..... You need to go to counselling - both as a couple and she might need to go individually.
Also to answer your question about masturbation...... I often prefer to masturbate than have sex... it's quick, I know exactly how I like to do it, there is no mess - I don't have to worry about my expensive sheets getting cum stains on them (crazy excuse I know), it's a nice and selfish moment for me...
I personally wouldn't send her away on a holiday.
Good Luck mate!
Posted Thu Mar 05, 2009 08:18 PM