Who pays on a first date?
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 10:26 AM
I don't even know where to start. This person was intelligent, cute, articulated, etc. etc. The conversation flowed well... for some reason it always does. He talked about his current ventures, I listened attentively, offered comments and asked questions. He asked me about my children, and other general things about my life. All in all, he probably did 75% of the talking, which is fine with me. I think I prefer to listen and interject rather than to get into the details of my life, mostly because very few people can relate to my past experience.
Still, I thought things were alright, we were sharing laughs, he mentioned something about my librarian look (honest, this is getting stapled onto my forehead). Then he mentioned something about closing a deal he had in the ropes... something about $200K whatever... I don't really like discussing financial matters with people I don't know very well, so I steered the conversation away from that topic.
The date was early in the evening just for a glass of wine, so that we could break it sometime before dinner. So, we both had drinks, and when the time came to pay, the guy went ahead and paid for this drink only. I just looked at him, said nothing, went ahead and paid for my drink. Now, call me old fashioned if you wish, but I think paying for someone else's drink is a courtesy. It was not an expensive dinner or anything lavish, but a mere $3 drink. I was rather disappointed, and to be frank I don't think I'll be going out with this person on a second date.
Geez, I hate dating really, but it seems like a necessary evil in my particular situation. I don't want to get involved with anyone... I don't need a relationship... I do have a life of my own, I do as I please, make my own decisions without consulting anyone, and everything is under control. However, I sometimes wish I could share some intimacy; but other times, I feel that my vibe is a better option than a $3 drink.
Sorry guys, I think this is more of rant than a question...
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 11:28 AM
I don't think it is old-fashioned really? I thought it was the normal way of doing things?
I agree on a 3 dollar drink, if he whipped his wallet out first then just lay it all down. Maybe it is the way your post read but it does sound like money matters are foremost on his mind. A 200k deal in the works would surely cover the tab that night right? (sorry sarcasm).
I guess if it didn't give you a good feeling about him then fair enough.
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 11:42 AM
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 12:08 PM
Geez juliads, I've never been to a date where I would be expected to deliver sex in exchange of food or drink... I mean I don't know how much it would cost an hour with a scort, but I'm sure it's more than 3 bucks.
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 12:15 PM
It's not the money, it is the idea. I find it a bit old-fashioned, too.
Also, how could I ever accept a date in a more expensive setting, say a fancy restaurant knowing that I will not pay? Sounds tacky to me and I wouldn't do it.
If somebody insists to pay, I don't make it an issue but I buy a drink back or something.
Buying things for each other without thinking about it comes much later as far as I am concerned.
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 12:18 PM
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 12:43 PM
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 01:26 PM
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 03:45 PM
For one, I never understood the idea you would go to some fancy restaurant on a first date. I mean, it seems like showing off to me. Unless it is normal for you and you have the money for it to be a normal place to go.
Personally the idea that I would need to show off with the place and the decour and the food is secondary to getting to know who the person is, letting them know who I am... the 'fanciness' of anything else on a first date would get in the way I feel.
Just my opinion but then guess I am down to earth. A coffee, a simple drink and laughing our heads off is more appealing to me. (maybe I am cheap lol?)
Aside form that. The issue of who should pay I know is a hotly debated one. Female equality in a modern world and all these things come into play. If I did pay (and I have), not in a million years would I consider that meant I get some action at the end of the night. That sounds kind of messed up.
I wonder if this is some sort of American sociology thing happening here. For me, it is just simple manners I was raised with. Like standing up when a girl leaves the table and these kind of things. Even some of my ill mannered friends I think have the sense that if you take a girl out, you will probably pay unless she insists during a first date.
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 05:01 PM
Fancy places are not a norm, but if it happens, I pay no matter what.
From the female side, I've grown sick of women who use the date to get free drinks etc and I guess I went right at the opposite corner, lol.
You have no idea how many times I've heard "They have an opening at the bar so and so and I am accepting X's flirting for Friday night"
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 05:14 PM
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 06:06 PM
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 08:58 PM
If a guy asks you out on a date, then he pays.
If a girl asks you out on a date, then she pays.
or, (i'm sorry but I'm going to say this) then why don't you both pay? I never understand that if male and female want to be so equal, then both pay. problem solved.
But, I don't judge ppl on by there money and how they spend it, to a amount. (thats just me) Like someone said before, when I go out on a date. I watch out for my wallet (because I don't much to spend..) and there are alot of ppl out there for free drinks, so If I'm on a first date with you, a person would have to build my trust before I could spend money on them. Economy is bad(for me).
but 3 bucks, thats a bit cheap lol.
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 09:31 PM
I guess that's cool Juliads. Myself, I believe the man should pay. But let's say I asked you out Juliads and you agreed. And I insisted on making the date my treat, I let you know I want to pay for everything in advance, no strings attached. Would you refuse that, or would you go on the date and pay anyway?
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 09:38 PM
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 09:41 PM
If I felt the date was worth it I'd probably accept, but on the other hand it would show me we're worlds apart and if things would be meant to advance we'd find other things we think different about, too.
It really depends on the other aspects of the date.
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 10:40 PM
It really depends on the other aspects of the date.
I think the scenario in getting towards the date is the real issue. If a woman asked me out and insisted on paying, I would be OK with that. For instance I stated that the man should pay, that scenario is under the asssumption that the man asked the woman out on a date. I would never expect for her to pick up the check if I asked her out, after all she could have said no. So to Oliveskin, he definitely should have paid. And Juliads I totally respect your independence, a man insisting on paying could just mean he's trying to be a good guy....nothing expected afterwards.
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 10:48 PM
It's not only about s.ex it's about respecting this independence.
Posted Sat Mar 07, 2009 11:13 PM