broke trust twice and lied to my face!
Posted Sun Mar 15, 2009 07:59 AM
from the start...
my bf promised me he would never do estasty on front of me, but about 3months into our relationship he broke that promise and lost my trust, it took alot for me to rebuild that trust, since then we have never fought or lied to each other (as far as i know) he knows i dont mind him taking estasty when hes at raves once im not there, simple as, its not that much to ask for is it?
well lats night we were at my cousins 21st, and a few people including her bf were doing cocaine, and guess what, my bf got forced into doing it, but what made it worse is as we were leaving he said that he was offered it but didnt accept! wel i noticed the signs he had done some as when i asked him this morning he said he had!
so he broke my trust again, and lied to my face! i nearly ended it this morning but i know it wud be harder to live without him then work through this!
do you think im doing the right thing, im not a push over but i think hes worth it, but is doing it a second time taking ti too far, its mainly peer presure that forces him to do it and that gets to me even more cause i never gave in to peer pressure and i have never tried anything xcept a few grags of a joint, not even enough to get my high cause i didnt really like it!
sorry bout d long post but i wanted to give all the story!!!
thanks in advance for any help! XxX
Posted Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:50 AM
Posted Sun Mar 15, 2009 12:07 PM
He's an addict, plain and simple. You have the choice to take him as is or leave him. Sorry, there's nothing in the middle, he will do drugs again, and he will lie to you again... take that as a fact, period. You won't be able to change him, only he can decide to change if he really wishes to. I hope the love he feels for you would be enough to make him think about his situation and maybe get him into a recovery program of some sort.
Posted Sun Mar 15, 2009 01:30 PM
You need to understand that many many people who are your and your BFs age experiment in life. We experiment with lifestyles, sexual partners, music, philosophies and at times drugs. Because we try things in order to learn about them, does not mean that they will automatically become a permenant part of us.
Many people have very concrete opinions about drugs, and how they are the ultimate evil. In their lifes experience, they might be totally correct. But in my life, when I was at your age, most people around me experimented, as did I. After understanding about how drugs made me feel, I realized that they were not for me, and I stopped. I do not even drink, or smoke cigarretes. My point to this is that a young guy sniffing a line or taking a hit of E, does not condemn him to a life of drug addiciton any more than a girl getting drunk and kissing her female friend makes her a lesbian for life!
Because I want to help you work through this, I am going to play devils advocate here.... You have been taking issue with him popping a dose of E and tasting a line at a party- because he feels he needs to lie to you about them. These were decisions he made about additives to HIS body, and yet he feels he needs to lie to you about it-why is that? He is not pressuring you to do them too, he is simply saying that he is interested in seeing what all the hype is about. When you take this "hollier than thou" line with him, your saying that because he wishes to spend time with you, that you somehow get to tell him what to do with his body. And as Oliveskin said;
"You won't be able to change him, only he can decide to change if he really wishes to."
Instead of making a big deal out of these things- if I were you I would organize the issues and say something like;
"Baby I love you, and I know that sometimes when you party with your friends, you want to experiment with drugs. Drugs scare me, and when your doing them, that scares me more. I understand that you are your own person, and I cannot control you, but it really hurts me when you lie to me. So I will promise to not give you a hard time about your experimentation if it stays a "once in a while thing", if you promise to NEVER LIE TO ME EVER AGAIN."
This explanation above does three things;
1.) It lets him hear that you care for him, and that you will give him his power to decide about things in his life.
2.) It seperates the two issues of drug use and lying- and leaves lying as the one thing that cannot be accepted.
3.) It set the "once in a while" clause, which gives you the ability to bring up the conversation in the future, if you think his "experimentation" has gone too far.
I am not saying drugs are healthy or ok. What I am saying is that guys at a certain age "want to know", and anyone percieved to be "nagging, or controling" are usually eventually catagorized as "parental figures" and pushed out of the picture for those who are "more fun and exciting". Believe me, as I have seen it happen more than once. Instead of being a cop, be his loving, supportive anchor. He will have some fun with his boys, and then he will "grow out of it" and never resent you for trying to control him as you both live happily ever after!
Posted Sun Mar 15, 2009 02:14 PM
i dont have a problem with him doing drugs, once its not infront of me and he dosent lie about it too me! its not that hard for him to understand i dont think yet hes done it twice!!!
Posted Sun Mar 15, 2009 07:16 PM
I'm sorry to sound so harsh , but I've seen this B4 in a once loved friend of mine & I saw how his life ended . You need to do what's best for you , he might be beyond saving .... be careful that he doesn't take you down with him when he crashes & burns
Posted Sun Mar 15, 2009 07:27 PM
Still, most drugs are addictive, many have been designed to be so, and consumming them is like playing with fire... there's always a chance of getting burned and catching an addiction. Then, I'm always baffled at the popular belief that drugs are fun... yeah, they make you feel good, even if you only use them ocassionally, but what people don't realize or choose to ignore is the trail of misery drugs leave behind. Anyway, this is a totally different topic, so I'll let it rest.
Princess, I hope Leech gets better.
Posted Sun Mar 15, 2009 07:40 PM
Posted Sun Mar 15, 2009 08:13 PM
Posted Mon Mar 16, 2009 12:50 PM
But thats ok, right? You love him and thats all that matters.
Posted Mon Mar 16, 2009 03:47 PM
Posted Mon Mar 16, 2009 04:16 PM
2) I too do not understand why it is still ok for him to do it if you don't see it. Out of sight, out of mind shouldn't apply here, or anywhere.
3) I wouldn't even consider dating anything who did drugs.
4) Take care of yourself, princess69r. Don't let yourself be hurt.
Posted Mon Mar 16, 2009 05:27 PM
There's no indication that he's sick, and addict, that he's going to become a theif or violent, or that he needs to "get better". It sounds like he needs to grow a pair and be upfront with his gf when he'd done drugs.
Yes, drugs are dangerous, but experimenting with them is not unheard of, to say the least.
I'll grant that he's exercising very poor judgment by lying to his gf, and it's not a good sign.
Personally, I'd dump him. But I'd dump him because of his lying, not because he's a junkie...because there's no sign that he is.
If I had a partner out doing E, I'd want them coming home to me waiting in bed for them, rather than out at an afterhours, horny, and feeling guilty that his partner was going to be upset.
Posted Tue Mar 17, 2009 07:11 PM
DD we both like your advice but going to stay together for now! and it was the lying that hurt me most!!!
Posted Tue Mar 17, 2009 07:19 PM
1. Bingo. Nobody can "force" you to do cocaine.
2. WHEN he lies again. He will lie again, it's a matter of when you realize it or catch him.
3. Break it off and move on. You don't need someone that can't even respect you enough not to be out abusing illegal substances. There are plenty of men out there that would love to have a nice girl that are more driven in life and have better goals that don't include wasting money and getting high on drugs.
That is all.
Posted Wed Mar 18, 2009 08:07 AM
Posted Wed Mar 25, 2009 12:19 AM
I agee with those who say move on. He does not trust you enough with the truth, don't trust him either.
Posted Wed Mar 25, 2009 09:34 AM
Posted Wed Mar 25, 2009 11:04 AM