Best way to get over a girl?
Posted Thu Apr 02, 2009 04:04 PM
Well.... That did it for me. I broke down the next day while no one was around. I felt horrible and didn't know what to do. I did everything for this girl, I talked with her for hours, I gave her a love letter, I've told her things that I have not told anyone else in my lifetime. I even read her a diary of sorts that I have. And then she broke my heart.
I have no idea what to do now. I've been going around with a fake smile on for a while now and no one can really tell the difference.
So how do I get over her? I mean, I heard the best way to get over a girl is to find someone new, but I don't know if I want to. I don't know if I want someone else. Because all I want is her back. Is the first step me just tell myself that I don't want her back? This whole thing just hurts a lot and I want the pain to stop.
Someone, anyone, give me some advice!
Posted Thu Apr 02, 2009 04:43 PM
Unfortunately, there is no recipe to heal from a broken heart, and the old saying that you'll feel better if you find another girl to forget the old one normally doesn't work. However, time is on your side and your heart will heal... it won't be tomorrow, more likely in the span of a few months (I gather you hadn't been going out with her for over a year) but you will get over her. You can try to find another girl, but she won't make you forget the old one. You might be able to love the other girl, but more likely it won't be with the same intensity. So, give yourself a chance first and bear with the situation alone instead of pulling somebody else.
Try to keep yourself occupied, it's good that you write about this as that will help you purge some of the malaise. Listen to music that makes you forget your pain... sorry, you might have to try different things here since I can't really help you with some titles. Also remember that there are other soulmates for you out there (the one soulmate in a life time is a myth). From your posts, I think you can be quite creative, so put this creativity to work and keep writing stories, and read... read anything you find interesting.
Posted Thu Apr 02, 2009 06:26 PM
Well we just broke up a few days ago, so you're not too late on the uptake Olive.
I have...a lot actually. I started baking... EVERYTHING! Cheesecake, cookies, cupcakes, you name it. I just recently started talking to my friends a lot more to help me get her off my mind. And my music has been including a lot more opera now.
You mean my sex stories? o.O
Posted Thu Apr 02, 2009 06:42 PM
Yeah, keep up with your sex stories... the one I read was pretty good, I would put a little more foreplay in the mixture though
Posted Thu Apr 02, 2009 08:16 PM
I gave it my all, I told her everything, we talked about everything, I tried to be somewhat romantic, I wrote her a letter about how I felt about her, and all these things solidify the fact that I have no regrets. I tried, I tried hard, and the whole thing just fell apart. So I think that alone will help me get over her a little faster, the fact that I have no regrets and that there are no "What If's." It's just she is in my AP History class, so when I see her I get really depressed.
But she said that we should just be friends, so I'm trying. But I just can't get around the fact about how I felt about her, so it's hard not to be mad at her when I see her. Is that wrong? I mean, the sole reason I would be mad at her is because she won't love me anymore, which seems like a shit reason. Today, after my debate meeting was over, I was walking out to throw a frisbee around with a few friends and when I looked up, I saw her, and we looked right into each others eyes. I stopped dead for a second and then...dropped my eyes to the floor and walked past her. She called me, "Evil" and I scoffed. I felt kinda bad after, and when I saw her after that we exchanged a few words amongst the company of friends and after she said, "I'm not giving you this back until you tell me why you won't talk to me." She kinda stole a staff from me.
I don't know anymore. Am I aloud to be mad at her for that reason and that reason only, it sounds kinda stupid for me. And I want to be friends and all, but I don't think how I feel about her will wither away that quickly and I can just act normal around her again. Should I be mad or should I just continue my sorrow? I don't want it to hurt anymore but then again, I don't want to hurt her by how I act when I'm around her. So confusing!
Posted Fri Apr 03, 2009 07:30 AM
So, she said that she doesn't love you anymore but wants to be friends with you. If I were you, I would be consistent with what you're feeling... I don't think you really want to be friends with her or talk to her, so just don't. If you want you can tell her so that it's clear... that way you can avoid those little confrontation like the one with the staff. She needs to respect your space too, and you are in your right to demand that.
Posted Fri Apr 03, 2009 08:35 AM
First of all, I'm not talking to you, and if you don't want to "listen" to me (it's actually "reading") than just put me on your ignore list... that is unless you're masochistic enough to put up with my posts.
As for your knowledge on how MEN get over it... may I just point out that you haven't got over anyone in... what? 25 years or so... let me tell you, the recency effect is not present in your head. Besides, who needs manly comments from you... you're not even able to deal with ANY of the women on this board... AND I'm beginning to suspect that your presence here indicates that you're having problems dealing with your wife too.
Posted Fri Apr 03, 2009 08:39 AM
As for her asking why you arn't taking to her tell her straight.... You care alot for her and you are hurt, you need space.
As for getting over that... the pain will fade and i guarentee you, one day you will have a love that will make you wonder why you were so upset this time...
Hang with your mates... chances are you have dropped back and neglected them during your relationship. .. Just have fun.. don't look for a replacement but just be young and have fun with your freedom while you have it
Posted Fri Apr 03, 2009 09:38 AM
Well congratulations on having your wife for 25+ years... keep it that way, and avoid the pain of having to find another woman that would put up with your gracious personality. So, I guess you're the one to talk to about getting over a relationships... please don't hold anything back and inform us how a MAN would deal with a failed relationship... that is if you don't mind doing it out in the open.
Posted Fri Apr 03, 2009 02:09 PM
Yeah, I really did neglect them and when I texted one of my buds last night he seemed really confused and asked, "Did something happen with you and Allie...?"
So I figured that this the best way to get over all of this, just get away from it all. I feel as though that makes me seem as a coward though, just running from my problems. And I suppose that I can always just call it "space" but that's just a euphemism for what I am really doing -- running away.
And I really don't want to run away from her, that's the problem. I want her back, is that wrong? I just want her and me to be what we once were, once more. Is that wrong? Is it wrong for me to not want to move on? The reason why I initially posted is because I HAVE to move on, but in reality, I really don't want to. I guess just finding someone better in every way could help a lot because that would make me think about all of her flaws. Those flaws are what would keep me from falling back in love with her and in love with someone else. I just don't know if this makes me a coward, a man who is just going to tell the girl that he once loved, and still loves, "I don't want to see you for a while, I can't take the sight of you."
The whole thing makes me sick to my stomach, just thinking about her makes my lip start to quiver and I phase out, I've been so distracted during my classes lately I'm lucky I'm getting the grades I have now. I just don't want her on my mind anymore, because if she isn't there, I don't have to feel the pain anymore. If I cut her out of my life, if I pretend she isn't there, then I feel better. The classes we take together I've recently just been somewhat covering my eye to block her out.
But is this wrong? Is it wrong for me to just remove her from everything I do, just to make things easier for me? Is it wrong for me to a coward like this? Is it wrong for me, after she told me she wants to be friends, that I don't want that?
Posted Sat Apr 04, 2009 01:13 AM
Posted Sat Apr 04, 2009 01:20 PM
We split 2 weeks ago and im only starting to feel better in the past 2-3 days.
Advice to me was go have fun with another girl to get my mind of things and thats what i gonna do.......
keep the chin up bud......U WILL FEEL BETTER!!
Posted Sat Apr 04, 2009 08:49 PM
Posted Sat Apr 04, 2009 09:23 PM
Posted Sat Apr 04, 2009 10:18 PM
Yeah, I express it, but I'm not about to start crying in the middle of English Class xD
Posted Mon Apr 06, 2009 11:36 AM
That’s Mars/Venus stuff is interesting, as far as men and women want to adhere to traditional social prescriptions for gender roles. But by and large, I think it’s bullshit. Do what you always did, get what you always got.
LTJ, you wrote: I guess just finding someone better in every way could help a lot because that would make me think about all of her flaws.
Even better would be learning to be single and happy, so that you can be with someone when you’re good and ready.
There’s nothing cowardly about deciding to make a clean break. If anything, it’s brave, becaue it means accepting the fact that you were dumped, and knowing that you’ll be ok on your own. Bravery is facing your feelings, and not being afraid of them.
Posted Tue Apr 07, 2009 03:22 AM
Posted Tue Apr 07, 2009 09:40 AM
Posted Tue Apr 07, 2009 01:47 PM
I can't think of anything worse than going through life with someone that you are not sure of or you can't trust. Think of it this way...what it could have cost you, in time, energy, money, emotions.
When I broke up with my girl....that was it. I avoided her, stopped thinking about her; kept my distance...while she tried all the guys she wanted to. One day I accidentally met up with her. She followed me around daily; finally asked me to marry her (apparently she liked me the best...oh well) and I had the pleasure of telling her "no"! It would have been a big mistake the first time, never mind this time.
The old saying is "If you go to the refrigerator and the milk is sour, tomorrow it still will be sour." Right now you are free, out of "jail", free of strings or ties, to be a little more aware of what you want. .
Enjoy it. Experience is a great teacher.