Posted Wed Apr 08, 2009 03:39 PM
I joined because I need someplace to vent and maybe gain some insight: I hate having sex with my boyfriend of three years. Sometimes it's ok, but I'm usually left wanting. I love him, buts he's a bad kisser, which is the first hurdle in getting it on, usually I try to avoid it. I've talked to him about but I don't think there is much I can do. then the big hurdle: I can't take control without things getting really awkward. for some reason, he says that he's really "experienced," but he think that a girl being on top is him basically just lying there while she squat thrusts on his dick. I mean, feet next to his hips while she moves up and down... I mean, this is really pretty tough and my legs cramp after a few minutes and isn't enjoyable for a long time, there's no way I could come like that. . It's so fucking boring when the only way we can have sex is if he does all the work, and leaves me feeling insecure and unsatisfied. If I say "that felt great" he says "thank you." ACK! The thing is that I'm not *that* experienced or confident in being on top or *really* taking control, but it's so discouraging when everytime I try he gets flaccid. the mood somehow always gets shot at that point. help?
Posted Wed Apr 08, 2009 03:54 PM
Posted Wed Apr 08, 2009 04:32 PM
My boyfriend has mentioned that having the girl on top or in control "doesn't do much for him," but he also said that about blowjobs before I showed him the way Maybe it also has something to do with the fact that whenever I have "taken control" in the past .mainly when we are drunk, he always starts doing this voice that makes me really distracted and slightly uncomfortable i.e. "yeeeeah ride that, BITCH, fuck that cock" etc. When I'm having sex, I just want to, er, fuck, and the only words that come to mind are mostly primitive one syllable grunts. talking dirty is just distracting for me. that also makes me feel like I'm not doing it right for him, and that he's just saying that he;s not that into it generally into to make me feel better
Posted Wed Apr 08, 2009 05:21 PM
As for being on top, here is a list of suggestions that could lighten the work on your legs:
- For starters, you could ask him to hold your hips and help you with a lift when you're moving upwards.
- Maybe you can use a headboard on the bed, so you can have something to hold on and push up with your arms at the same time. Or even better, he could sit against the headboard, and help you with the up movement while you also help yourself with the headboard.
- Another one is to go on top on the couch... he could lay on the arm rest with his body close to the edge, so you can put one leg on the floor and the other on the couch beside his hip, then you can alternate your weight from one leg to the other, and you'll have a little relief between strokes. Then, he can switch to the other side, or you can do the reverse cowgirl position to switch the leg you have on the floor.
Being on top is a lot of work, maybe more so than when he's on missionary, but it can be very rewarding for you because you can control the exact point where you want to put the friction on. You definitely have to have some physical stamina... running helps and so do squatting exercises. Rythm is very important too, and probably the hardest part... play music when you squat and try shifting your center from one leg to the other with the music.
As for him, some men seem to get off quite well with the girl on top, but I've seen some going flaccid too particularly if they're using a condom. If this happens, don't continue, change to oral or rub your clit against his penis without penetration. Once he regains a full erection, you can continue penetration with you on top.
Hope this helps...
Posted Wed Apr 08, 2009 07:04 PM
I can see why that doesn't do much for you! Calling your partner a bitch isn't very hot - it's derogatory. That said, unless a woman specifically asked to be called 'bitch', 'slut', or anything like that, those terms shouldn't even enter the equation.
Perhaps it's an opportunity to talk candidly about these issues with your partner and let him know the things that *really* turn you on. I'm sure he just doesn't realize what he could be doing to make the experience more enjoyable for you (and in turn, more enjoyable for him as a result!).
An added benefit to talking openly about things can result in both of you getting turned on and excited to put these new things into action!
One final note - I have discovered a GREAT technique that's enjoyable for both people. If you have a vibrator, use it on yourself and have him play with you with his fingers. Once warmed up, he substitutes his fingers for his penis and thrusts s l o w l y and deep. You get the benefit of direct clitoral stimulation while being 'filled' and he will get to feel the faint vibrations as well.
Keep it up until you orgasm at which point he can increase the tempo of his thrusts until you're going at it like wild animals. It's a lot of fun!
Posted Wed Apr 08, 2009 08:07 PM
Sorry but that was really funny!
But I would suggest just straight up, TAKE CONTROL. I mean, it's going to be awkward, usually it is the first time, but he might just like it. Talk dirty, tell him what you want, tell him how to give it to you. Don't be afraid of what he might say or how he will react because you've had to deal with him being bad in bed for 3 YEARS! If you finally want to enjoy it, tell him exactly what is going to happen, how it is going to happen, and what he is doing, with a straight face on, eye to eye.
This will let him know you are serious. In relation to the "Thank you part" *giggle*, if you get to ride him and he says one word, JUST ONE WORD, throw your hand over his mouth and tell him "shhhhh". Play it rough, but STAY IN CONTROL, you said it's been three years of bad sex, the next three years are ALL yours!
Posted Thu Apr 09, 2009 11:15 AM
Haha, done the slow and deep thing and it's mind blowing, but I keep forgetting about the vibe... oh well, something to aim for...
Posted Sun Apr 12, 2009 04:15 PM
Posted Wed Apr 22, 2009 06:41 AM