My life is f-ed bc someone dislikes me... literally.
Posted Sun Jun 28, 2009 02:12 PM
I'm looking for some advice, I guess the "I've been there, you'll be fine" or "you'll get 'em!" sort.
Anyway, I'm in the end of my internships for school and after making it so close I can see my graduation next spring and my whole future right around the corner, it looks like I might not get there after all.
I essentially rubbed one of my supervisors the wrong way somewhere along the line and have since then been unable to redeem myself. I've been painted in a horrible light and pretty much assured that unless I can save myself before a jury of people who are not my peers and may well be in the pocket of the lady telling me I'm fucked, then ... well I'm fucked. My grade is also literally arbitrarily determined by this woman who told me I'm fucked.
I find out tomorrow as my last day at this internship what direction all of this will head. I was told on Friday they were "looking for points to try to pass me". They say I'll be great in my field, that I have been great. I just have to work on my professional behavior. I tried to explain myself and was essentially told that I was wasting my time as I have no credibility being the lowly student that I am.
I'm trying to find an advocate for myself. My academic career should not end when I've been assured I'm good at what I do just because I didn't get on well with one supervisor. I've had 4 other placements and never had an issue with them. I'm going to seek letters of recommendation, an advocate, my rights, etc.
The catch is I was already given a second chance a few years ago when I tried to work full time during a difficult course and failed the course. I have been unemployed since then and doing fine, but I was told in no uncertain terms that they don't give third chances. I would need a third chance here.
I'm not sure what's going to happen. I'm not going out without a fight but at the same time I'm fed up with the whole situation and I'm not confident that I even have a chance. I'm going to proceed as if I do have a chance, but I guess I'm not sure I believe in it anymore. This has been a very disheartening beginning to my professional career. I'm feeling kind of numb now. Just waiting for the end of the day tomorrow so I can know where to begin my fight I suppose. Just wanting the chips to hurry up and settle where they may already so I can get to moving on and letting it all go.
Any thoughts are welcome. Misery loves company, tell me how you had your future in your hands and dropped it, then had a wonderful life in the end. Perhaps your life is wonderful because you accidentally lost hold of your planned future?
Posted Sun Jun 28, 2009 02:20 PM
Posted Sun Jun 28, 2009 02:31 PM
Posted Sun Jun 28, 2009 03:04 PM
She has people she has to answer to but I don't anyone who has any pull for me here who has not already been known to just shrug and say "Well, she's been doing this for (20-40) years and she knows best, so I see your point and it doesn't look fair but I trust her over you".
I don't know. You guys are right. I know you're right. But I am just not confident that this is going to be okay in the end.
On top of it all this woman is clearly fed up with me and if I am allowed to finish my degree I get to have her as a professor at least once more. That sounds just lovely of course.
Oh and I really don't know the nature of the grudge. There are two supervisors. They are essentially attached at the hip. I know the one is who I really have an issue with but neither of them have the balls to stand apart and resolve the issues with me. Essentially I've questioned various things throughout my time there or asked questions because I was seeking guidance and this one supervisor repeatedly misinterpreted me. She's claimed I was commanding her on what to do, that I was questioning her judgement, that I was just downright rude, etc. The fieldwork coordinator listened to her, I tried to explain my side and I was told that what I have to say essentially doesn't matter and that I should have been gone a long time ago. It's so ridiculous it got to the point where we went from one location to another and when we got there I couldn't find the other supervisor. So I said to the one who's been misinterpreting me "D is nowhere to be found and our patients have all cancelled for the afternoon" in one of those *hmm that's curious*sort of tones. She immediately assumed I was questioning her as to why we were there at all. I just don't even know what to do with that. So now I am where I am. Hopefully I can find someone to listen to my side of things and see that this was simply a poor match and that I am actually not an offensive person. :
Posted Mon Jun 29, 2009 07:17 PM
Whilst doing this, have a mini tape recorder on your person (make sure it can hear a conversation) If the reason is personal and not about your professional performance and they try to fail you, produce the tape as evidence.
You could even then avoid them as a subsequent supervisor.
Yes this is an extreme option and might turn others against you, but from the sound of it you have few options
Hope it helps
Posted Mon Jun 29, 2009 07:26 PM
Very few people would impress an academic jury if I drove them nuts and obscured their mind with fear, anxiety, uncertainty and a feeling of total weakness.
I'm sure you'll be fine, you'll be wonderful, you'll impress and that all your problems are something your supervisor instilled in your mind because tehre was no otehr way to make you fail.
Nobody really thinks you are a lowly student and without credibility. The person who said that is a yes man/woman of the supervisor.
You're not going to get a third chance because you will not need it.
You'll do just fine.
Posted Mon Jun 29, 2009 07:32 PM
Posted Tue Jun 30, 2009 09:43 AM
Essentially I'm supposed to end up being on par with my supervisor at the end. If they have a job opening I should be first in line to fill it when I'm done. So I was too direct by going outside the chain of command and speaking to my supervisor's supervisor. He's afraid of confrontation (says the one supervisor here who I think is afraid of confrontation...) and so my asking him a question of if I was able to do something as a student was apparently off putting.
It was just all a lot of BS. Like I said, it got to where I couldn't ask just about anything without this woman automatically thinking I was questioning her. I think I just made her uncomfortable because I'm not submissive enough and timid enough. Yesterday was my last day and I was obviously tense all day thinking I might fail and I was just staying out of their way and essentially on edge just trying to tip toe around the place. They told me at the end of the day that "you know, you were great today. If you'd just been like this every day then we wouldn't have had any of these issues". I just thought that said it all right there. They can't handle having a student who isn't afraid of them or insecure on some level I don't think.
Anyway, bottom line is I got exactly the bare minimum number of points to pass. I wouldn't put it passed my fieldwork coordinator to seriously consider failing me but I think she'd have a hell of a time trying to stand behind that. Particularly when the very people I offended so horribly think I should pass, and when the very thing being cited against me (that I don't learn from feedback) is listed in my eval from my previous affiliation saying "___ learns well from constructive feedback."
So yeah... I'm think I'm probably good. I'm going to have to wait and see. But this is a lot of bullshit and not at all how learning experiences should end up. Particularly since this coordinator is supposed to be in the role of student advocate and she's never on the student's side. She only seems to enjoy putting us in our place. It's a BS system and I can't wait to be done with it.
Posted Thu Jul 16, 2009 03:44 PM
I emailed the woman who gave me the C and asked her how I received a non-passing grade when I earned a passing one. She said I could schedule a meeting with her if I have questions to discuss my "earned grade". It's an opportunity for me to plead my case without this going all the way to a dismissal hearing. However, I tried to discuss how this placement was going down the shitter right at the beginning of it because I saw this coming and instead of having a productive discussion of how I could fix it and make it right and successful I was instead met with an hour long lecture on where I f-ed up and how it was my own fault and I just need to not be such a crappy student basically. So I cried for half of the meeting while she berated me. Yeah, I want to go do that again.
Sigh... So for all I know she's likely just saying I can meet with her to discuss my grade because that's the thing she's supposed to say so she doesn't look bad but she really couldn't care less about me. I have to do this meeting. I have to try.
It's such bs that I'm in danger of being kicked out just because I didn't get on well with one supervisor. This is all just so out of control at this point. It really is.
I can't handle it if I try to convince myself that this will work and I have no realistic back up plan in case it doesn't because what if it doesn't? So I have to start coming up with a new plan for my life I guess. I'm also going to lay out my arguments for why I deserve a B in writing and then argue them to everyone with ears before meeting with her and encourage people to poke holes in my argument so I can be better prepared to meet with her.
She's just awful. She's like ... she's like an abusive relationship. She is nice and sweet and convinces you that not only is she your friend but she's the only ally you'll ever have. Then you turn around and she bashes you in the head with a bat. She makes sure you're really truly beaten down before sitting back and waiting for you to stand up to her again. Then she treats you all sweet and convinces you that you have nothing to fear with her and she'll make sure everything works out good for you. Then she bashes you in the head again the second you step out of her approved line. I can't wait to be done with her. It's really the worst relationship I've ever experienced in my entire life.
Anyway, thanks everyone for listening to my woes. Venting is therapeutic and remember before you leave without commenting, misery loves company.
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 11:40 PM
Sorry to hear this is happening to you. I really hope that things get worked out.
Posted Sat Jul 18, 2009 03:24 AM
my head is hurting from reading it..grrr
i hope all turns out for you...
and yeah, like what ddigg said..how could you get a C from a 122/122 mark??
Posted Mon Jul 20, 2009 11:09 AM
Posted Mon Jul 20, 2009 11:34 AM
Sounds like you could asskiss your way throught school then..
Posted Tue Jul 21, 2009 10:13 PM
The Peter Principle holds that in a hierarchy, members are promoted so long as they work competently. Sooner or later they are promoted to a position at which they are no longer competent (their "level of incompetence"), and there they remain, being unable to earn further promotions. Peter's Corollary states that "in time, every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out his duties" and adds that "work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence".
My professor here is an example of the Peter Principle at work.
It's really quite true.
My advisor told me today that essentially the committee wants to do what's best for their program as that's what matters most to them, having a student flunk out doesn't look good on them anymore than it looks good on me, so odds are I should come out okay. Probably for the better as this is quite the life lesson I'm having my face shoved in. We'll see. For all I know they don't give two shits about me and will just tell me to fuck off and have a nice life. Hopefully I'll have this resolved in the next week.