Is he going to cheat?
Posted Fri Jul 10, 2009 03:55 AM
I'm now nearly 9 months pregnant and I'm off to a friends house tonight for an ann summers party (only british people would know what one of these are), however, I KNOW that a girl is coming round while I am there. I know this because I read the messages on his phone arranging for her to bring alcohol round because my partner couldn't afford to go to the pub- I know I shouldn't of read his phone but I knew he had been texting her as well and knew for a fact that he would deny all knowledge if I confronted him.
This girl he has history with. As a matter of fact they were fuck buddys for a while a few years ago. This is what is doing my head in.
Will he cheat on me while I'm at this party? I've already asked him If he plans on having anyone round while i'm gone and he says no.
Do I confront him beforehand? Or do I come home early from the party and catch them? The problem with that is that the party is a good few miles walk and I wont have the car.
Advice please x x Thank you in advance x x
Posted Fri Jul 10, 2009 08:40 AM
I would confront him now. Don't LET him do it and then confront him. I would think that would be even more miserable.
I say you decide not to go to the party. Once he sweats it out a little over being cock blocked, confront him.
Posted Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:14 AM
Posted Fri Jul 10, 2009 12:41 PM
Posted Fri Jul 10, 2009 01:04 PM
Posted Fri Jul 10, 2009 01:23 PM
Posted Fri Jul 10, 2009 02:08 PM
Posted Fri Jul 10, 2009 05:12 PM
Posted Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:06 PM
Another saying goes if it happens once it's their fault and if it happens again it's your fault.
Posted Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:50 PM
If you gave me 10-1 odds, I'd still be throwing my money away
I'm really sorry you're dealing with this, even if your not pregnant, but especially being pregnant. :hugs:
As far as trying to catch him (I'm assuming this is after the fact now), but that would probably make you feel worse if you caught him.
Posted Tue Jul 14, 2009 03:33 AM
First can I just say thank you to everyone for their honest advice.
I have an update on the situation as I feel I owe you all one.....
I confronted mr sugar_lump rather than put myself and the baby through the stress of catching him with another girl in our house.
I was extremely upset with the fact that he lied to me and told him exactly how it made me feel and that I didn't appreciate being treated like an idiot.
He told me the reason why he didn't tell me she was coming round was because he knew I wouldn't like the idea- so I told him that i'd rather know than be lied to.
He apologised and practically begged me not to leave him (because I threatened to). I was honest and told him that I don't trust him completely and he told me that his intention was not to fuck this girl at all (as this girl has become a real state recently).
We are still living under the same roof and he is trying really hard (for him) to get back in my favour as I have been an ice queen- which of course is what he deserves.
I'm not sure what's going to happen yet but I owe it to myself and baby to have a long think about what to do.
Posted Tue Jul 14, 2009 04:03 AM
He sounds like bad news, though. A man with a 9 month old pregnant SO would camp outside the party place with three mobile phones and be ready to take her to hospital in a birthgiving emergency, not find a fuck buddy because he's not getting enough positions while his SO is pregnant.
Sorry, but he doesn't sound like a good man and I don't know how you can trust him with a family. Cheating is not the only trust issue in a marriage. I really can visualise him forgetting the kid at the kindergaden when you work late.
You gave him a second chance cause you were pregnant, you give hom a third chance cause you're pregnant... Now he knows it's all well and he can do it again.
Posted Tue Jul 14, 2009 04:43 AM
No one said anything about giving him another chance.
I'm merely trying to figure out what to do and how to go about it.
Posted Tue Jul 14, 2009 08:54 AM
Posted Tue Jul 14, 2009 11:45 AM
It sounded like you're giving him a third chance the way I read the post.
The way you explain it, something doesn't add up to me. Cheating is cheating, if he had no intention of doing it, then why did he let her come over, and from the OP, it didn't sound like she twisted his arm.
Calling as I see it, he's full of shit! I don't know you, but I'm sure you could do better.
Posted Tue Jul 14, 2009 11:59 AM
I can't really speak for my ex-husband, but I think he loved me enough, and he really wanted me to be the mother of his children; so, I got pregnant and he became the happiest man on earth. I was healthy during my pregancy, but it was a difficult one for a number of reasons. Still nothing major until I went to the hospital and I started to have complications. Of course, I don't remember much, but I was in extreme pain and experiencing quite a bit of distress. In the mean time, that man stood there, day and night pretty much doing nothing except worrying sick, but still showing his devotion. The room was quite small and there was only one bed, so he slept on the floor. After a while, the nurses had one of the orderlies bring a tiny bed so he could rest better and served him hospital food because he didn't dare leaving my side.
I have no family in the city I live, so after we returned home, I was in pretty bad shape... 26 hours of labour that ended in a c-section did it. I was literally useless for weeks, trying to take care of a 10lb baby that seemed to double in size every other week. For god sake, the man cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, woke up at night every single time to get the baby for feeding, bath him, changed his diapers, and conforted me. He never complained, he never acted like if it was a burden, he was just happy and ready to be a father. Trust me, he didn't have time to go to the pubs to celebrate with his buddies or to invite ex fuck friends for beers at home.
I tell you this so that you have a sense of what's to come... Taking care of a baby is a lot of work and it can be a very stressful period for a couple even when the will, the love and the intent exist. Personally, I think your relationship to the father of your child is already doomed, but I can understand your hesitation in ending it. What I would suggest is to start making preparations for an exit even if it doesn't happen just yet. Leaving a relationship is already difficult on your own, but it can be quite a challenge with a newborn. Please make sure that you have a relative or a friend that would help you in case you need to act. You will certainly need all the help you can find.
Posted Tue Jul 14, 2009 01:07 PM
what a piece of shit honestly. take his child support and kick em to the curb.
Posted Tue Jul 14, 2009 01:21 PM
i surely hope some people can make mistakes. otherwise i'm not going to be very happy at some point in the future.
Posted Wed Jul 15, 2009 04:06 AM
Like I said It was the withholding information that hurt me the most in this situation and this girl did not come round after all as he told her it was best that they shouldn't be friends no more after I explained how I felt about it.
Olive skin I know what you mean, I got rushed in at 16 weeks and at 25 weeks with heavy bleeding (everything is fine though) and mr sugar_lump even though we are giving him a hard time :-) to his credit never ever left my side.
It's easy for all these people to say 'turn your back and walk away' and it's probably what I would say if someone asked me for the same advice. I'm attempting to make preparations for an exit and i've got to talk to my family and explain the situation cos I can hardly walk at the minute let alone carry a load of bags and walk out lol.