Posted Wed Jul 22, 2009 12:02 AM
Her last relationship ended when her boyfriend got too drunk and admitted to her that he is actually gay.
She was heartbroken and understandably so.
I told her 6 months ago that I had feelings for her. Unfortunately I was more intoxicated than her previous boyfriend was when he came out of the closet.
Needless to say, she told me she wasn't interested. Would you be into a guy who had tossed 16 shots of vodka down his gullet in one night then decided at 2am that it was a good idea to drunk dial and say he was interested?
I hated myself for doing that. I tried to explain that my feelings were legit but to no avail.
I went back to school for a semester and kept harping on that one night. When the school year ended, I decided I would start over again in attempting to woo her. I know I'm better than that, my friends know I'm better than that. I just had to prove to her I was better than that. I had to show her I was a decent guy and not a stupid drunk.
I started calling her at night. The first call was on her birthday just to tell her happy birthday and let her know I was thinking of her.
When I called her again she was sick. She could barely talk. I told her get well soon.
I called her again and she was so depressed. She said she was miserable living at home still and going to community college. She said she hated her current job and often came home at night and cried. This phone call would plant the seed for the realization I came to a few days ago.
We hung out immediately after that. We chatted, had fun, and to my surprise there was very little awkwardness. She came to a party at my house a few days ago.
Said she had gained 10lbs. since we last hungout (about a month ago).
I can honestly say i haven't noticed any weight gain at all. She's always been curvy. She is by no means fat or unattractive though.
She was hesitant to have people touch and hug her because she worried they would feel the excess pounds and be disgusted.
There were other things she said to indicate that she feels very negatively about herself. I arrived at the conclusion that this girl has serious self-esteem issues! I've dated girls with such issues before and my first instinct was to say "fuck it." My friends agreed and told me to wash my hands of this one.
However, I can't let go! I don't understand how someone who brightens my world has such darkness in her own. I know she's in an emotional rut but I wanna be the one to pull her out of it! I really care about her and want her to know that she is loved by me and deservedly so. Will she allow me to love her? Will she ever allow herself to love anyone after the way her last relationship ended? I want her to allow me to be by her side so she doesn't have to face this difficult world alone. Any guy can say they love a girl or wanna be with her when she's happy and at her best. I want to look in her teary eyes and tell her they still look beautiful despite her messed up make-up. I want to take that curvy body she's so concerned about, wrap my arms around it, and hold it close to me for a long damn time! However, at my house a few days ago she wouldn't even let me compliment her...
Did I ruin any chance by what I so stupidly did 6 months ago? Has any girl been in any position that even remotely resembles hers? Do I have a chance? I want to let go and say "this girl has issues, let me go search for one who doesn't," but I can't I care too much about her. I really need help here. Any comments would be appreciated. Be as brutally honest as you need to be. I'm seriously losing sleep over this matter...
Posted Wed Jul 22, 2009 12:35 AM
Maybe just be a positive person when she's around. No pressure, just show her a good time. In the end you'll figure it out.
Posted Wed Jul 22, 2009 12:59 AM
However, being just positive around her in general sounds like good advice. Having been where she's at I know a little of what she's going through.
Posted Wed Jul 22, 2009 03:19 AM
I think she only wants love. ONLY love. But how can one only love in such a dark world. So she gets to worried about what other people think just so she won't get hurt agian. So she thinks that people are so cruel that they judge her every move. So she try's to avoid situations where it might get brought up. Or possibly address it before any to take the heat off of her. Kinda like I care so much about your opinion and not mine that it dosnt hurt for me to do it.
So what you need to do is get close and trust worthy to her (if already the skip this part). Then have a talk with her and just her. Tell her that you think she is perfect the way she is and wouldn't want her to change a thing. Tell her she it dosn't matter what people think of you. SHOW her that what people think doesn't matter. Like give examples of some1 critizing some1 and how nothing changed after.
But only do this if you really love her.
Posted Wed Jul 22, 2009 04:55 AM
In any case, sounds like she needs a friend. Please be careful with her emotionally, because she sounds quite fragile. But, I say go for it. Give things a try, so long as you truly respect her sensitivities.
Also, if you are young, I want to say that I'm now 31, and I am thanking my lucky stars that I didn't meet anybody I couldn't pass up when I was younger. Don't move too quickly.
Posted Wed Jul 22, 2009 07:38 PM
I'm a little older than her, I'm 21 and have been through 3 years of "real" college.
Posted Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:18 PM
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Posted Fri Jul 24, 2009 01:15 AM
Part of the reason I'm not letting go currently is because I KNOW I can help her. I was in the same state about 2 years ago. My issue is not letting go, my issue is getting her to trust me and allowing me to get close to her. This isn't some random girl I met the other day. I've known this girl for a couple years.
Oh and I have plenty going on in my life besides chasing after her. Trust me, I think my busy schedule is actually interfering with my desire to be with her but that's another story for another time.
Oh and I do NOT have self-esteem problems. I know you didn't say that to be mean but seriously, you don't know me and know nothing about me besides what's written in that post. Seriously,that was actually a very ignorant thing for you to say. I'm not saying that to put you down just to help. Some people may take statements like that the wrong way.
Ok, what the hell does tv or songs have anything to do with my post? At what point does it seem like I believe what I hear or see on tv or songs? As far as getting locked up goes, that came outta nowhere to. I don't see how caring about someone is going to get me locked up anytime soon.
I do not need professional help at the moment but if I did I would certainly take a better approach than googling it.
Posted Fri Jul 24, 2009 01:17 AM
Posted Fri Jul 24, 2009 09:03 PM