bit of a dilemma, what would you do?
Posted Wed Oct 07, 2009 05:57 AM
me and girl a were together for about a year and a half, my first serious relationship and the only person i have ever truly loved, she broke up with me about 3 months ago, she says she isn't sure if she loves me anymore, we have mostly the same group of friends, and even during the day of the break up, and days we have spent together afterward, still really enjoy each others company. I'm still in love with her, and finding it hard to let go of the only thing that has ever showed me true happiness, but unfortunately some things are out of our control. We have minimal contact with each other but are both hoping for a great friendship someday in the not too distant future. I have suspicions that she is seeing someone else, but have no evidence, if she is, well, that's her choice, it sucks but i cant change that, but i hope if it is happening that she is with someone that treats her well.
Now, girl b is someone i met a couple of years ago, she lives a few hours drive away from me, and we occasionally have chats over the internet. I have always had the feeling that things could become a little bit serious between us without much effort. About 2 weeks after the break up i was drunk and contacted girl b, we were talking about my break up, she is a really good listener. We have spoken a few times over the past few weeks, and she has revealed to me that she is going through something very similar. Some of the advice she gave me was to go out and pick up as many girls as possible, I am not this type of guy, Ive never felt good after random pick ups and i explained this to her, she was cool with that. BUT, every time we have spoken since my break up, she tells me to come down and visit her, as i said i have always had the feeling things could get a bit serious very easily. I said to her i would plan a trip in the next couple of weeks.
I don't know what to do if something happens with girl b, i mean she is a great person, very attractive, and i haven't had sex in nearly 5 months, our friendship isn't overly close and it sounds like it is something that we both could benefit from emotionally, on the other hand i am still so hung up over girl a, and its possible that this would make things worse for me in my own head, i think that i would feel really guilty and feel i have betrayed my feelings, and of course i am not in the business of messing with girl b's emotions as well, but if the opportunity arose, i feel i would be stupid not to do anything about it because girl b is a great person, and it could possibly turn into something special.
What would you do? What should i do?
Posted Mon Oct 12, 2009 10:48 AM
I think you really need to let your feelings settle before starting up with someone new....and although girl b is a fairly safe bet...my bet is you'll ruin that relationship and still feel shit as you have said you do when doing random girls.
Time is a great healer.
I agree. You need time to get over girl A and need to be able to be happy by yourself before you ever think about thinking of another relationship. If you want sex, try a one night stand like girl B has recommended.
Posted Thu Oct 15, 2009 05:10 PM
He got back in contact with me and we met up and ended up sleeping together again. In the time in between I had been trying, but failing, to get over him. Just before we met I'd started getting close to another guy that lives much closer to me (but still a 90 minute walk away).
The weekend after me and my ex had sex I met up with this local guy. We got on really well but did not have sex at that time. The next time we met up we went for a walk and I explained the situation to him. He was cool with it and we kissed and gropped etc but didn't sleep with each other.
I spoke to my ex about this when I came back (weird 4am call, you know how it goes). He said that he'd try to be with other girls too but kept thinking of me. Think we felt exactly the same way.
I've met up with the local guy since and done stuff but haven't went all the way. Both the guys know the situation.
My ex is now a few hundred miles away and with uni and work it's really not practical for me to travel to see him often. I've got some time off work next month so am going down to visit. HOpefully we'll both be less confused afterwards.
Maybe you should speak to your ex?
Posted Thu Oct 15, 2009 11:39 PM
Posted Fri Oct 16, 2009 03:33 AM
redanji, some friends and I, and my ex went out to see a band last night, and she made it pretty clear to me (well at least in my own head anyway) that she doesn't want me in her life anymore, even as just a friend. I cannot understand why people use the friend excuse but when it comes to the crunch and the friendship is staring them in the face, they run away and treat you like shit.
And i still cannot hate her, this time heals everything situation really sucks! But one day i will be good again, and find someone worthy of my love!
Posted Tue Oct 20, 2009 01:09 AM
Patient is a key word.
Posted Tue Oct 20, 2009 03:40 AM
Posted Tue Oct 20, 2009 01:32 PM
Posted Thu Oct 22, 2009 03:47 AM
she invited you over, that means she wants to see you too. roll with it!
Posted Thu Oct 22, 2009 05:05 AM
dude! doesn't really seem like much of a choice... it always hurts when you break up with someone and you need to time to get over it before you move on but sometimes you're the one holding yourself back and making yourself still feel hurt over something fixable... if it 3 weeks after the relationship then no way, but 3 months!? might be time to move on mate. and whats the worst that can happen?? you said you're not that close to Girl B anyway... or it could turn into something great.
go for it mate!