Grateful for any help or insight Problem... read on!
Posted Fri Nov 27, 2009 09:27 PM
Been dating this girl for a month, we get along great and she's got alot of what I want. Our relationship is great... but obviously that isn't the problem. Problem is we have attempted sex numerous times, I can't get myself hard. We grind each other, and it turns me on the point of getting a hard on but the second she touches it or the pants come off I instantly lose it. I'm 22, I can masturbate fine, and get a good hard erection that way. In fact the other day I gave her a massage when we were both naked and I grinded up against her ass and got ridiculously hard. Thing is she is a bit controlling and more experienced, which doesn't really matter to me but she's very blunt, and my inability to get it up is killing the passion. I am not over weight, I am in generally great shape (muscle bulges and all), and the fact I can get it up on my own shows it works.
I was thinking though maybe to much masturbation could be the issue (getting to used to the hand) maybe? I only do it once every 1 or 2 days, so not excessive. I can get an ejaculation in her if its hard enough to start, but I get over excited and go off before I get properly hard. I do get over excited and go off much, much to soon, but hoping its also tied to the reason I can't get it hard. I usually don't have sex this soon in, so I think that contributed to the first few failures (being nervous and all) but now I think it may be the constant failures that are stressing me out. She tried to be supportive, but sex is huge to her, and she's getting frustrated and contemplating calling it quits. At first this worried me alot, but now I realize she is trying to stack pressure on me in hopes it does something. I know it won't but after all I have described I know its physcological, hopefully becoming more up front about it I can get over it, or someone has some insight or exercises I can do to start fixing this. I have attempted to control my erections with my mind, I have tried enough to know its when I am not trying it goes hard but if I try to make myself horny it won't. It probably is I'm not relaxing, but I'm usually pretty mellow, so this strange new territory.
I had sex about 5 times before this girl, so there is some significance to it for me, unlike her. The first time I had no issue, it couldn't be harder. The next few times I used a condom, I was able to go 50 min and ejaculate at will, so I built up confidence. This girl though is much more dominate, could that play into it? The first time I had sex I was 18 and never masturbated once before that (ya lol, how I lived I do not know). I also was sexually abused when I was younger once, but I have been able to live with it, but it may have a bit to do with it. I also have a ridiculously slow heart and generally on the side of low blood pressure. Lately have been eatting alot of fatty foods unfortunately (ya, stressing about it). So gimmie some hope please, this isn't even about her anymore, this is affecting my every day life!
P.S. if you read it all, thank you for taking your time to try and help. If you respond, thank you again for your kindness. I have been brutally honest in this post, cause I realize its the only way it will go away.
Posted Fri Nov 27, 2009 11:36 PM
Posted Fri Nov 27, 2009 11:43 PM
Cut down on fatty foods.
Your mentioning of bulging muscles makes me wonder if you take steroids and that stuff. If you do, get off them.
Do things with her that aren't sex. Like actually go out and stuff.
And now the big one: Ban intercourse. Just set the whole penis thing aside for a while. Have a sex life with this girl with your hands, tongue, toes, toys, cucumbers, and whatever. Get to know her up close and personal. Let her show you how she likes it (besides with a penis, I mean). One month really is kind of soon. Step back and take some more time. She'll still be getting the sex that's so important to her, and you'll get more familiar with her and get some successes under your belt. Well, maybe not under your belt, but you get the idea.
Posted Sat Nov 28, 2009 12:38 AM
Take the penis out of the equation.
Take her wherever she wants to go with your hands and tongue.
Worship her body, without bringing your dick within range.
Likely she'll love it. And...you'll likely have a hard on like a fencepost.
I think you guys are trying for "sex" to hard.
Posted Sat Nov 28, 2009 03:19 AM
Another thing that might cause you difficulty with erections is your physical/sexual attraction to her. Is she sexy/hot to you? Or are you with her for another reason? Evaluate these in your head without stressing out about them too much. Stress is going to throw off your sex drive really bad.
I'll provide an example about stress: I work a job I hate. Last year while my girlfriend was here, I would work over full time, usually doing 10 hour days if not more just so I could save up for school AND buy my girlfriend nice things. School was always my first priority but being a helpless romantic it soon came second. I saw that my finances were low and that was I busting my ass for what seemed like a hopeless cause for me to get back into school. My sex life suffered. I could gain an erection but it took what felt like for...ev..ee...rrr.... My ejaculations and orgams seemed pathetic compared to even a week or two before. It was reassurance from my girlfriend that my school was more important than her that let me know that she didn't need me buying her things all of the time but just needed a casual reminder now and then while I saved money for school.
Moral of my story? Cool your jets. Everyone on this forum has their own bit of information to provide to you that will help you, or maybe it won't. Take what you can and try to apply it to better your sex life. However most of us didn't get to where we are without a little experience. Keep fighting the battle and you'll get there. Sex isn't about intercourse, it's about the experience. Bond with her. Use toys, vegetables, whatever works for you two. You'll get there some day. Just keep your head up and stay confident!
Posted Sat Nov 28, 2009 06:39 AM
This post has been edited by Gregorio: Sat Nov 28, 2009 06:43 AM