I've got a problem
Posted Sat Dec 19, 2009 12:48 AM
So...I've come across something fairly new and it's bothering the shit out of me. I really need some advise.
I've been with my gf for a while now...it's been probably 9 months or so.
Long story short: She had a bf and she started seeing me while she was still with him...then she left him and saw me solely, until she got back with him without me knowing it later in the summer...eventually she broke up with him again, and we are together, very happily. All of that aside...
We've had sex...that's not the big deal...we have great sex..sometimes. I'd say out of the times we've had sex, 75% of the occasions become complicated.
You see, for some reason I have a really hard time getting it up when I'm with her. It's like I lose my libido or something. It's very strange. I fantasize about her, and when I'm not around her, looking at porno or something for example, I have no problems getting a hard on.
I know for a fact that I have performance anxiety...I've talked through that with her before, and she understands completely. If I were to put myself in her shoes, I'd be thinking to myself, "so when is he going to feel comfortable around me?"
Regardless, I love her, and I wanna show her a good time. I want sex to be something I look forward to, rather than anxiety producing. I've ruled out any possible physical illness because I have no problems becoming aroused in any other instance, so I'm figuring that it's all mental.
The other thing that's hard to deal with is that she wants it all the time...she's always ready to go. Which is intimidating to me, merely because of this problem.
Is there anything I can do to remove this anxiety? I know it's not the end of the world, every time I can't get it up. It really just hurts my feelings a lot, because I can't make love to the woman I love.
Please help me.
Posted Sat Dec 19, 2009 01:01 AM
Posted Sat Dec 19, 2009 01:07 AM
Yeah I have definitely tried that...she loves it, but I find that it doesn't help me a whole lot downstairs.
Posted Sat Dec 19, 2009 05:05 AM
This post has been edited by Gregorio: Sat Dec 19, 2009 05:22 AM
Posted Sat Dec 19, 2009 05:07 AM
This post did not send the first time so I followed it up below.
This post has been edited by Gregorio: Sat Dec 19, 2009 05:16 AM
Posted Sat Dec 19, 2009 05:13 AM
I'd also say you are normal and thinking she might stray again.
It is sorta like going to the fridge and finding milk sour. When you come back in a couple of days, it is still sour.It is way more than a simple sex problem...you gotta think this one out.
This post has been edited by Gregorio: Sat Dec 19, 2009 05:26 AM
Posted Sat Dec 19, 2009 06:19 AM
1. do the events you described -- the being with the old boyfriend and back -- affect you and how you sexually feel around your girlfriend?
2. has this happened with the other women you loved before?
because i don't know much about you guys but since you opened with the confusing emotional threesome you were on, it seems like it matters a lot.
i hope things work out for you, wadeinthewater
Posted Sat Dec 19, 2009 09:56 PM
Posted Sat Dec 19, 2009 10:18 PM
Yeah, heh, I've thought about it. I'm completely comfortable around her and we do a lot of things together. This is the only thing that's a bother in our relationship.
Posted Sun Dec 20, 2009 03:48 AM
hey bro I had the exact same problem as you. What really helped for me was to stop jerking off! I used to jerk off atleast twice a day and now I just do it on days when I'm not gona get some!! Also have u tried a cock ring? I hear they are helpful!
Posted Sun Dec 20, 2009 04:12 AM
Posted Tue Dec 22, 2009 03:25 AM