I've recently started to see this guy. He is a friend of the guy that i have posted about numerous times that i had issues with for over a year. I'm sure you all remember him...
Therefore, in the beginning we discussed being only friends. But his personality really started to snag me the more we talked and hung out. He is nice, he is passionate about his work (major turn on for me!) and he always smells soooo damn good, and dresses so sexy! I told him exactly how i felt for his friend, and how i did not want to ruin their friendship (They also work together). He told me he was cool with whatever i wanted, that he wanted to get to know me and found me extremely intriguing.
Of course, it turned into more. Rather quickly, i admit. But we're all adults here, right?
He blew my mind. We've only been together twice at this point. And we haven't had sex, just fooling around and oral.
But... i wasn't able to relax. I couldn't orgasm. He had me sooo hot, he was doing everything right. I have NEVER been given oral like that. In some ways i think i wasn't able to orgasm because he was doing so much to me and i was enjoying it so much i didn't want it to end. I have no idea, i've never had that problem before. And i don't get it because it was amazing. He is extremely passionate, I felt like a goddess. He is so into me. After he went down on me for probably 15 minutes he stopped and pulled me up, so i thought he was thinking "Crap, forget it." But no, he growled and pulled me onto his face and went at it some more. He probably ate me out for a good hour. Nothing. I felt bad, but i said screw it, i wasn't gonna make this poor guy live down there. So I stopped it, went down on him, and ended it.
When all was over he looked at me all sad and said "You didn't even get there did you?" I was like ohhh crap. I told him no i didn't but please do not take it personally, i just wasn't relaxed. He acted like he didn't believe me and was totally taking it that he didn't do a good enough job. I assured him that he did, it was amazing. I actually said "My legs weren't shaking for nothing you know..." and he laughed.
When i left, he brought it up again. Again, i told him it wasn't him.
He even TWEETED about it while i was sitting there. He tweeted me "Fail".
All in all he made me feel rather bad, embarrassed. I've never had that problem, but i haven't exactly been around the block either.
So what has me posting this? Well, i was just gonna let it go. And hope next time we're together, i can let myself go. But then i had a dream last night... about the other guy. The friend. And this made me wonder... is THAT why? Subconsciously am i feeling like what i'm doing is wrong?
I already feel like i'm gonna end up with a bad reputation. These guys are very good friends. The new guy lives in an apartment with another guy, and they are both in a band. The last guy i was seeing is also a musician and they all work together, they're on the same record label. And guy #2 is guy #1's Manager. Also, guy #1 has been trying to back into contact with me. I talked to him a few days ago but made it perfectly clear that i wasn't interested anymore. I think there is TOO much going against this for me to feel 100% comfortable and that is why i could not relax enough. What do you think??
And i do have to mention, that this guy is Black. It is my first experience with somebody that isn't of my own race. My family would NOT go for this if they knew. Not that i really care. We've already discussed it and neither of us are looking for anything serious at this point, so it's not like i would have to face that, but i think that is also something that is weighing on my mind.
I guess i just am looking for somebody to help me sort my thoughts. Because, if it IS that his friend is still foremost on my mind, then i think he needs to know that. Or am i reading into it too much?
I make things so complicated sometimes....
This post has been edited by Jewelz: Fri Jun 04, 2010 05:21 PM