We have a few issues that we would like some advice/feedback/help with. We have been together for over 4 and 1/2 years, I am 21 and he is 22. He would like to say that the problems for him started a year and a half into our relationship when he left for college and I was still in high school. We live two miles apart at home and spend most nights together. We also live a 5 minute walk apart at school and spend most nights together here as well.
The first issue is frequency(this coming from him). I (him) would like to have sex more than once a week. I've become pretty good at reading the signs of whether or not something will happen at night or not. It's actually gotten as bad as having to plan whether or not anything is going to happen,and even some of those times don't work out. With the let down I feel when those planned times don't work out I have begun to not get excited, or look forward to the mention of something happening earlier in the day. We aren't big drinkers, or partiers. Neither of us do drugs. For me, the high that people get from drugs and alcohol, I get from sex. I guess that means that I have a good libido, but I would at least like to have sex three times a week. We have talked about my desire more than once, with no compromise. I find myself leaving her room in the morning before class to get back to my room so I can take care of myself... which makes me feel bad.
Secondly, she has been going through brands of birth control. One brand she will like but she eventually bleeds through, or it gets too expensive. Others make her break out in acne or throw up. Recently, whenever we have sex she is experiencing pain, lack of self lubrication, and even with excess applied lubricant she still has pain. We are unsure if it is the pills, or something else. I recently had her pick up some Summers Eve because I thought it might be something to do with traditional soaps. She also had a strange line down one side of her skin just outside of her labia.We didn't know what it was but it itched and would break open... kind of like a yeast infection. This is what made me think cleanliness. However, the pain and itchiness has expired and the line is still present. We are attaching pictures of it. Comparing the left and right side.
Third, her lack of sex drive, her(I). I don't seek/share the same "high" that he does for sex. I have trouble having orgasms during sex but have no problem taking care of myself when I'm alone. We have tried to get me off when we are together but I'm unable to do so then. We have bought various toys, tried different lubricants, elevated sensation products, food, movies, pictures, role playing,positions and more to no avail. I have always thought my lack of sex drive had been due to my birth control. I feel this way mainly because there was a month when I didn't have any and I was "off the wall horny". He thinks that it might be due to my lack of orgasm ability letting me down. I feel bad saying no all the time. He asked me that if he got a fleshlight, I would use it for him when I was not in the mood. Wanting to not let him down, I said yes. I have been just giving in to him even though I'm not in the mood, which doesn't make me feel that great. I'm just not sure what to do.
I have a pap appointment coming up and plan on talking with my doctor, but I want your opinions also.
We are open to any and all advice. We would really like to find solutions, even a compromise, for these issues before they tear us apart.
Thanks in advance for your help.
This post has been edited by fsu.chick: Sun Feb 14, 2010 10:29 PM