the situation of a Single
Posted Fri Mar 12, 2010 07:26 PM
I wasn't sure where to post this and I feel kinda embarrassed to tell this but here it goes anyways: I'm 27 years old and I never had sex. I never had a real girlfriend. The reason why I don't have a girlfriend is because I'm actually not really wanting to have one. I enjoy my life as a single: I have my own rules, I see my friends when I want, etc.
Of course I can feel attracted to a womans and a beautiful girl can turn me on, but it's actually purely a physical sensation and not really an emotional one. To say it more in a cold way: "I'd do her just for the sex. But I don't want a whole relationship with her". That being said, I'm a shy person around woman and I'm simply not the kind of guy that's gonna go into some bar and try to get some random girl into my bed.
Of course I have moments where I feel kinda lonely because I have no girlfriend but most of the time, I'm happy with being single. I haven't met a girl yet that I'd want to start a real relationship with even if she turned me on physically.
But lately, I've been wondering if it's normal to be like I am. Is it shameful that I'm still a virgin at 27 years of age? I've felt attracted to a girl more than once in the past but when I thought about it, it was actually purely physical: she turned me on and I'd have enjoyed doing her but that's it. I just don't see myself living together with someone any time soon. And I don't think I'm ready to share my allday life with someone. Since I'm not the kind of guy who will be a hypocrite and say "I love you I want a real relationship and yada yada" just to dump her after I did her, I never had sex.
I start to feel kinda abnormal because of this and I came to a point in my life where I actually just want to know how sex feels like. I don't think it's about the intimacy. I think it's just the physical pleasure of having sex that I'd like to get to know. But as I just said, I'm far too shy to just go to a girl, seduce her and lure her into having sex. And it's not like finding a girl just for a quick fuck is as easy as some people pretend. It's not that I'm ugly or fat or whatever, it's just that I'm too damn shy to be a "player" if you see what I mean. It's not in my character.
I also have no experience with girls to be honest.
So there is my problem: I'm happy to be single and I don't really want to commit myself into looking for and maintaining a relationship (maybe one day I'll mature up and will feel the need to have a relationship but that's not for now) but on the other hand it makes me feel abnormal. I mean most people have had sex at my age by now and I have no idea what it feels like. And I'd like to know how the feeling feels.
Would you say I'm a creep or a weirdo? Am I abnormal for still not having had sex at my age?
I realize I come over as a ridiculous person and my case probably is strange but I was hoping some of you could give me some advice.
Thanks for listening.
Posted Fri Mar 12, 2010 07:49 PM
As for your problem of wanting to know what sex is like and wanting to experience it without strings attached and also without feeling like you take advantage of a girl, I have to admit I cannot help you other then propose you find a prostitute, not sure that helps though.
Do you have any female friends in real life or are you solely surounded by men? Maybe a friend could introduce you to an acquaintance that could be seeking the same thing you do, it never hurts to try it out.
Posted Fri Mar 12, 2010 08:57 PM
yourself while you are single and be open to meeting new people. As a guy though you will have to initiate the convo and take the first step, it won't fall in your lap. And you don't know if you would rather be single if you have not felt what it's like to be in a relationship.
Posted Fri Mar 12, 2010 09:33 PM
On a related note:
Paula: Andy. Have you ever heard of the term... 'Fuck Buddy?'
Andy Stitzer: No... What's that?
Paula: Well, it's a special... friend... who you fuck.
Posted Sat Mar 13, 2010 11:14 AM
Posted Sat Mar 13, 2010 11:22 AM
Posted Mon Mar 15, 2010 01:38 PM
My best friend for example, when his girlfriend dumped him he kept telling me how he needed a girlfriend that wants to have a lot of sex because he says how he has a high sex drive and how he needs to have sex every day blablabla. I'm not like that at all.
Now don't get me wrong, I can get turned on by a hot girl and I have fantasized about that hot girl I know and stuff and a sex scene in a movie can turn me on too but I dunno... I would still love to know how it feels and I just don't know if I want this because it would make me feel less "abnormal" or because I genuinely want it. And if it's genuine, I don't know if it's because I need affection and intimacy, or if it's simply for the physical pleasure.
I think I also need to get rid of the idea that it's not "normal" to be a single. That's what frustrates me the most really: the fact that people probably think of me as a pathetic loser who can't get himself a girlfriend while I'm not really looking for one. I'm not saying I look like Mr.Universe but I wouldn't say I'm ugly.
I really need to learn not to give a damn about what people think is "normal in today's society".
This post has been edited by Little Hedgehog: Mon Mar 15, 2010 01:41 PM
Posted Tue Mar 16, 2010 06:14 PM
Posted Tue Mar 16, 2010 06:43 PM
Posted Mon Mar 22, 2010 05:39 PM
I went until about 24 with only having kissed a few girls, and only a couple sorta sexual experiences, and i always kinda felt like something was wrong with me, its not that i had a low sex drive, i was a horny bastard... i was just too shy, and didn't really know what to do with myself around girls. In addition, i wasn't even sure i wanted to have a girlfriend, i enjoyed living life on my own terms, and doing my own thing, and i thought i would miss that a lot if i had a girlfriend to deal with. But I always kinda knew in the back of my mind that i needed/wanted to meet a girl and learn to be comfortable with her, and for the love of god, have some good sex, after all, it is supposedly one of the greatest things in life, and i was missing out completely.
One summer i decided to finally get to work on that, and me being ridiculous and not good in social situations with girls at all, i hopped into some online dating, went on several dates with girls that bothered me, i wasn't attracted to, or liked, but not that much... Then one day at the end of the summer... bang! I went on a first date with a girl to a Starbucks where we just talked nervously and it ended fast, but i could tell it was different, now 7 months later, not a day has gone by that i haven't talked to her, and we have been having great sex for months, and its only getting better. We hang out all the time, but i still grab a say or night here and there to do my own thing, or hang out with the guys, and its great.
I always kinda lived by the philosophy that "the only things you regret in life are the things you didn't try" But i was terrible with that when it came to girls, i would always find a way out of situations that could lead to intimacy with girls, and make excuses, and whatever. But i was down to do almost anything else in life, i still partied, and drank, traveled, and was kinda crazy, but girls just weren't a part of it for me.
I know you feel like you just want to know the physical sensations of it, but there really is more to sex than that. I can also understand that you feel like you'd like to just meet a girl for a quick fuck just to see what the deal is, but after so long, there are several problems with that. For one, if your anything like me, you probably don't have what it takes to do that, like you said, its not in your character. Next, your gonna be nervous as hell, and even if you can get it up for your first time, your probably gonna blow your load as soon as you enter her. So even if you do manage to find a girl for a quick fuck, its not gonna be much good for either of you, and if you never sleep with her again, you'll still be missing out on 98% of the fun of sex. Pleasing a girl, and making her cum, and listening to her moans, and being comfortable with her during sex are all of my favorite things, not simply just sticking my dick in a pussy.
Now comes the part of my advice that gonna give you that sick feeling in your stomach... Honestly, i was just like you, and you need to get laid... the sooner the better, and from my experience its gonna be a lot easier in a girlfriend situation, where you have time to figure things out and get good at it a little bit. It really is one of the best things in life, and you really are missing out. I know that might not be what you wanted to hear, especially from a stranger on the internet, but really you need to at least try it and give it a chance.
Get a girlfriend, learn to be comfortable with her, learn to please her, and to be pleased, if it turns out you cant stand the coupled life, you can always go back, but you wont be the same... you'll be better, more confident, more sure what you want in life. Don't go through life skipping out on things that you think you might want because you are scared. Try them, if you don't like it, all it will have done is make you grow as a person.
Its not gonna be easy. The first three months with my girlfriend were constant anxiety, worrying, and stress, combined with extreme happiness, feelings of relief, and pleasure. It took a lot of conscious effort for me to get into the swing of things after being single for so long, but it was worth every minute, and i wouldn't trade it for the world.