Need some serious advice as it's growing more a problem
Posted Sat Mar 27, 2010 09:27 PM
Now, I figured this was just a phase and about 2 weeks later, I went skiing at the local mountain and it's where she has ski team racing and she freaked out and was pretty rude to me... I didn't go there to see her and upset her, i went because i've been going there since i was 5 and all of my friends go there. I then for the rest of the day just tried to not run into her. That was about the first week in January. At this point I am so confused and just try and give her all the space she needs and not contact her or anything. A month goes by, and i ask my best friend, which is her best friend as well what is going on with her and she told me she has no idea because she refuses to talk about it, that she has no reason to be acting like this, and that I was the best thing that ever happened to her and she's throwing everything good away. She told me that I should just give her space like i'd been doing. Now fast forward to now. It's been almost 4 months since she told me that we can't see eachother or contact. I haven't called or done anything and she still has everything blocked so she is still blocking herself off from me.
I don't know what to do from here. I know you all here are going to tell me that I should move on, that this is no good for me. PLEASE don't say that as I know what I want. I've had the past 4 months of just letting her go, but that's not possible. I'm sure you all know that when you love someone so much and you truthfully would give your life for them, that won't just disappear and it's eating me up inside. I need to know where to go from here.
So now that you know my extremely long story haha, what I need is what to do that can get her back, because someone just doesn't drop feelings like that. It seems as if she is blocking me in all ways, so that she can have no means of getting a hold of me. Just calling her won't do anything because she probably wouldn't pick up. I'm not going to send her something because I'm not going to try and buy her back, or she might think it's extremely stalkerish. Where do I go from here? Hand written letter mailed? Something super elaborate? I just need her back because my life literally fell apart after that. I tried getting with girls and i would literally get sick to my stomach just because i felt like i was cheating on her, even though she wouldn't talk to me... CRAZY.
Sorry for the extreme story, but any advice is going to be greatly appreciated.
Posted Sun Mar 28, 2010 04:18 PM
That's drama talking. Did you lose your job? Drop out of school? Get disowned by your family? Drown your sorrows in drink? Turn to a life of crime?
Respect her. Move on. You don't have to be happy about moving on, and you don't have to date as part of moving on if you aren't ready to. Just devote your energy to healing. Tons of ways to do that. I'm sure people wiser than I will come along and share some of them with you.
Posted Sun Mar 28, 2010 06:47 PM
Posted Mon Mar 29, 2010 02:10 AM
But barring any insight from her or her friend, I'd just advise you to be cool. Let her know that you're over her (strategy, my boy, strategy) by acting normal whenever you see her out in public. Then find ways to show her the awesome you that she liked - be funny, be smart, be dashing - whatever your particular schtick is. Over time, whatever negative feelings or experiences or memories she has of your time together will fade, and she will be left with fond memories of awesome you. If there are places that you run into each other often, then all the better. When you run into her, give her a smile and a "Hey, LaFonda! (insert crazy chick's real name here) Good seein' ya!" ... and then ski away, all suave-like.
If you give her the puppy dog eyes or start whimpering whenever you see her, she's going to dread the sight of you even more than she does now. Want to make an ex-love run away screaming? Start quoting from The Notebook and hold forth about why you're James Garner and why she should be the old lady that lost her mind. Trust me, that shit is like bugspray on the mosquito of love. But if you give her some quick cheerful hits off the bong of you and act like she's just another person that you know, well then she's going to start to get curious. And if she gets curious, and you can find the self-respect and the restraint to be cool, calm and collected at all times, then you've got as good a chance as any to woo back the weird, avoidance-happy, psycho, wonderful woman you love.
Hope this was helpful. Just remember - to paraphrase Friends, "Be aloof, not a doof."
Posted Mon Mar 29, 2010 08:39 AM
Ozzie's advice there could work for breakups that are a little bit more clear, which is not the case here. I think you are setting yourself up for more pain. Look, we've all been there (well most of us).
If you really don't think you can get over her, then really all you can do is give her time and hope she'll come around and let you know what's going on with her. But really this sounds a lot deeper than what appears on the surface.
Posted Tue Mar 30, 2010 09:40 AM
I truly do love her, I learn this day after day seeing as it's been almost 4 months without seeing or talking to her, and every day it just seems like it gets harder and harder for me to bear.
My problem is that I go to a different school than her, when we started dating, we went to the same school, and then I graduated and went to a diff school and we got back together again later. So I am 3 hours away and if i were to just show up there, she would know somethings up.