How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted Sat Apr 10, 2010 12:31 AM
Posted Sat Apr 10, 2010 02:25 AM
Posted Sat Apr 10, 2010 06:29 AM
By saying this, I do not want to sound as if it is the ONLY important thing! If I write about the importance of sex, some people automatically respond "...but there are also other things, you know, love, trust,...". Of course, the same with choosing a partner - not just sexual orientation, but also other factors (age, personality, looks...) play their crucial role, but sex is something like conditio sine qua non.
I can´t understand people who claim that sex is not so important in their relationship and at the same time they are horrified by the idea of sexual infidelity of their partners (why? sex is not so important, so why is it so important to keep sexual fidelity?).
For me, sex is not in contrast with love, trust etc, on the contrary, these bounds are more intense if there is sexual satisfaction and fulfilment.
As for leaving, it depends, if my partner refused having sex with me and if she did not accept the importance of sex for the relationship, I would probably either leave (especially if I had the opportunity to meet a sexually compatible partner) or I would not feel obliged to be sexually faithful. But probably my sexual frustration would have such big and bad consequences, that she would leave me even before I would decide to leave - at least this was the case in my past.
Saying this does not mean that sex has to be perfect in all aspects. Of course if you and your partner have slightly different preferences as for sex positions, practices, techniques, some details, it is not such a disaster and I would not leave. But it is crucial to have the same opinion on the basic question "Sex - yes or no? good or bad? important or not?". From this ground you can look for endless different ways to sexual satisfaction with your partner.
Posted Sat Apr 10, 2010 09:13 AM
Would I leave if sex dried up? Me personally, no. My partner says he would not either. Of course this is assuming that the problem was a lack of desire for physical or emotional reasons and not out of spite for the relationship or as a way to gain control or manipulate.
I guess the key is to communicate and ask these hard questions in advance.
Posted Sun Apr 11, 2010 01:19 PM
I said that I would not leave a partner because of a lack of sex. But in all honesty, I'm not sure what I would do. There should be an option for "I'm not sure" or "I don't know." Every relationship goes through "dry spells," and my fiancee and I have been through that situation, so I wouldn't leave if the lack of sex was temporary. But if the lack of sex continued for years and years - especially if there was no reason for the lack of sex (i.e. stress, a medical condition, etc.) - I don't know what I would do. I don't know if I would stay in a completely sexless relationship. I'd love to be able to say that I would, but a sexless relationship basically becomes a friendship, and I wouldn't want to be unfaithful, but when there's no sex anyway, is having sex with someone else being unfaithful? I don't know the answer to that question, but I would say that it probably IS being unfaithful, so I guess I might leave that relationship.
I've never experienced this situation, so it's impossible to know what I would do.
Posted Sun Apr 11, 2010 06:57 PM
But, the real question is: can you love and sex two different people? <--- "What is this guy talking about?"
Posted Mon Apr 12, 2010 06:57 AM
Posted Thu Apr 15, 2010 09:32 AM
Posted Wed May 26, 2010 09:02 AM
Would I leave without sex? Hell yes. Sorry but I have a high sex drive, and when I have gf i want to make love to her as much as possible.
Not getting enough sex makes me frustrated as hell.
Posted Fri May 28, 2010 07:58 PM
Posted Fri May 28, 2010 08:11 PM
Sex is an emotional and physical act, surely one that makes your SO closer to you and is your deep connection together.
The only time it becomes not important is if one or the other has some sort of accident/medical condition whereby sex can't be had. Then love has to be enough with friendship to keep you together.
My SO hasnt had sex with me in 6 months now so i'm realising now how utterly important it is.
Posted Fri May 28, 2010 08:23 PM
If we weren't best friends first we never could have dealt with all of that stuff. The sex was great to celebrate after we got through it all but it takes commitment, respect, caring and love to get to the point where you can enjoy the sex.
Posted Fri May 28, 2010 08:28 PM
Posted Fri May 28, 2010 08:49 PM
Posted Sat May 29, 2010 04:19 PM
Posted Sun May 30, 2010 08:04 AM
Great post, you entire reply was well said.
Before my wife, when I was with my ex I was very sexually unhappy. I tried doing the honorable thing by staying with her and staying faithful, I was miserable tho that entire time. I found my ex to be extremely boring in bed, there were so many things that were off limits sexually with her that spicing things up was just not an option. Sex with her consisted of pulling her panties down and pumping for a few minutes, blowing my load and then rolling over for bed.
The lack of sexual fullfillment allowed me to focus more on her negative side. I started wondering what in the hell was I doing with her. She had issues already and by not having a good sex life brought into question why was I even still with her. I resented her but could not bring myself to dump her due to her past with everyone she ever loved dumping her ( parents included ). I sacrficed my own happiness for hers, all that did was make me miserable and I couldn't wait for things to end.
Ever sinse my ex, I decided my happiness was important to me. I would no longer be with a woman that did not please me sexually. Luckily for me I found my wife. For a brief period sex was stale but that tends to happen when your with the same partner for many many years. There was a short point in our marriage when sex was rare. We had two kids in the house and once they hit the teen years things slowed down sexually for us. Timing was the main issue, its kind of hard waiting to fool around til the kids are asleep when the kids stay up later than you do. After our youngest moved away to college our sexual freedom has been unleashed. We had a good long conversation about what our sexual future held for us. Our sex life is wonderful, I am extremely happy that we had our talk and ironed out our indifferences. Again, after being with the same person for numerous years things can get stale. Every week we try something new, some of it we like and some we can do without. But the main thing is is that we work at it and we both try to sexually please the other.
If someones needs are not being met sexually, infidelity normally follows. I would rather divorce my wife than to cheat on her. Again, luckily I have a great wife who will communicate with me. I know there are just some things that I will probably never get to do and I am ok with that because there are a few things that she will probably never get to do either. If things go stale again or are a tad bit boring for us, atleast we know we can talk with each other and hopefully find common ground to stand on, and that is possible due to the lines of communication that we have open to one another.