[theram]

My man seems like a woman with perpetual premenstrual syndrome. He is grouchy and ill-tempered most of the time.

We've been together for a year and up until now I don't know how to deal with his crabbiness. He easily loses his temper with just a very minor issue. I know I am a woman of great patience. but sometimes I feel like I'm losing it with him.

Well, I sometimes get the notion that crabbiness is a virus, that it is infectious. In my case, I am also becoming crabby when my man gets crabby. I don't want to keep this kind of relationship. But a break-up is out of the question. I love my man and I know he is worth keeping. I just don't like this side of him very much.

It's hard to change a person. Truth be told, I don't really believe people can change easily. I love him. I just want to know how to deal with his crabbiness.

How should I approach him when he is crabby?

What should I do to calm him down when his temper begins to boil? I've tried talking to him about it, but he said he can't help it.

THANK YOU!!!

[McAllister]

As a simple question, do you have sex on a regular basis? Does he masturbate? High testosterone and androgen levels may be the source of this bad temper. I myself feel more edgy and irritable if i didn't have any form of orgasm for more than 3 days... It is medically proven that too much acumulated testo can increase aggressiveness and affect behavior.; it is the reason why single men who drink too much in bars often get into fights for stupid reasons, and it is the reasons why men stop being civilized and return to caveman state.

However, there is one easy solution... SEX! Even if he is a bit grumpy, surprise him with great sex and he should get happiness back. He comes home from work complaining about a shitty day? Tell him to go take a shower, and while he washes, either hop in with him fore some wet sex or wait for him to get out to give hiim an awesome blowjob. I swear it will do miracles; it always works with me and most guys i know. And don't forget to do it on a regular basis! and by that i don't even mean everyday; it can be twice on once a week, more or less according to both of your drives, but regular is the keyword. Keep his testo level at a medium level; he'll have better control over his temper this way.

And if that doesn't make it, well you might need counseling or therapy.

This post has been edited by McAllister: Mon Apr 19, 2010 04:45 PM

[Miss_C.]

theram, on 19 April 2010 - 04:23 PM, said:

My man seems like a woman with perpetual premenstrual syndrome. He is grouchy and ill-tempered most of the time.

We've been together for a year and up until now I don't know how to deal with his crabbiness. He easily loses his temper with just a very minor issue. I know I am a woman of great patience. but sometimes I feel like I'm losing it with him.

Well, I sometimes get the notion that crabbiness is a virus, that it is infectious. In my case, I am also becoming crabby when my man gets crabby. I don't want to keep this kind of relationship. But a break-up is out of the question. I love my man and I know he is worth keeping. I just don't like this side of him very much.

It's hard to change a person. Truth be told, I don't really believe people can change easily. I love him. I just want to know how to deal with his crabbiness.

How should I approach him when he is crabby?

What should I do to calm him down when his temper begins to boil? I've tried talking to him about it, but he said he can't help it.

THANK YOU!!!

Depends on the situation.

My guy can have a temper, too, and sometimes it's best for me just to ignore it/him until he calms down while I give him some space to cool off. If he's pissed about something he brought upon himself (i.e. a fine for not paying his insurance on time), then there's honestly nothing I can do about him being pissed. I just have to give him some space and time, try not to nag him, and let him get over whatever's bothering him on his own terms. At those times it's a good idea to get out of the house and go out for a drink or dinner with your girlfriends. By the time you get home (and bring him some food, too, of course) he'll be in a better mood, and he'll smile when he sees that you were thinking of him even while you weren't near him. Leaving him alone for a little while is also a good idea if you're the reason he's mad. If he's pissed about or his temper was set off by something you did or said, it's a good idea to apologize (if you're wrong in the situation) and then give him some space to forgive you before trying to talk to him about the issue in order to work things out.

Sometimes he can be comforted by you. For example, if he had an utterly lousy day at work - nothing went right, he was late, the boss was on his ass, and he had to work late and then drive home in terrible traffic - then maybe you just being there to listen to him complaining is what he really needs. If he's bummed because he's sick, then you can take care of him and make him feel loved. Sometimes men (and women!) need to feel taken care of and babied. It's nice not to have to take care of yourself once you're an adult and have to take care of yourself every single day. And McAllister is definitely right about sex having the power to relieve stress, lessen the effects of (and even cure!) headaches, soothe body aches, and positively affect mood. Not to mention how healthy sex is for the body. Sexual release on a regular basis can prevent cancer and other sexual problems. Plus, having sex can help your guy get to sleep when he's laying awake tossing and turning because he's unable to "turn off his brain," which is a problem that my guy has pretty often. BUT - don't just have sex with him only because you think it's the only way to cheer him up or make him feel better. If your guy has a temper, then he does still need to find adult ways of dealing with stress and tension and anger. If the issue is so bad or happens so frequently that it disrupts your life and the time you spend together, then maybe he should consider anger management or seeing a counselor or therapist. It's not your job to compensate for your guy's temper, and he needs to understand that it bothers you.

[to be deleted]

I was gifted with great common sense.
I'm going to disagree with the last poster. You do not solve an embedded behavior problem with sex. Chances are his obstinate, grouchy issue was always there and that's probably exactly what you tried to do and now you know it just doesn't work.
In all reality.... and very sorry to say, I'd get away from this guy as soon as possible regardless of your apparent devotion and dedication to solving this problem.. There is no way in the world you should put up with this and make yourself miserable. Why should any woman do this? I doubt if he will ever change...no matter what you do sexually. How do you approach him when he's crabby? GET REAL! I can't believe this nightmare is happening. You don't approach...get out while you can cause later it might lead to 911 type violence and it may be too late for you..find a guy who treats you right and you can be happy...you deserve better...stand up for your rights. Just my take. What holds you together? Money, fear of telling the folks it isn't working,religious notions,fear, rugrats. what? It has got to be a real problem or you wouldn't have come here.

This post has been edited by edopho: Mon Apr 19, 2010 07:00 PM

[bandit oakley]

we can't make other people happy, we can only contribute to a happy persons happiness... unfortunately, you can't chose to make him better, that is outside of your control. all you can do is decide that you are deserving of better treatment and a better environment for all that is positive in you to thrive. and then make choices accordingly.

regardless of what you think right now.. in the big picture perspective... people don't regret making decisions that multiply their chances of finding self, love, freedom, and enjoyment of life. you'd probably end up being proud of yourself.

[bandit oakley]

and relieved.

[Ray]

Speaking from personal experience , when I'm feeling grumpy , the best thing people can do is give me space . Crowding me & wanting to talk things out only makes me worse

[theram]

McAllister, on 19 April 2010 - 09:44 PM, said:

As a simple question, do you have sex on a regular basis? .

However, there is one easy solution... SEX! Even if he is a bit grumpy, surprise him with great sex and he should get happiness back. He comes home from work complaining about a shitty day? Tell him to go take a shower, and while he washes, either hop in with him fore some wet sex or wait for him to get out to give hiim an awesome blowjob. I swear it will do miracles; it always works with me and most guys i know. And don't forget to do it on a regular basis! and by that i don't even mean everyday; it can be twice on once a week, more or less according to both of your drives, but regular is the keyword. Keep his testo level at a medium level; he'll have better control over his temper this way.

And if that doesn't make it, well you might need counseling or therapy.

McAllister - the answer is probably "not often enough".

This is great advice. I'll try it

[theram]

Miss_C., on 19 April 2010 - 11:16 PM, said:

Depends on the situation.

My guy can have a temper, too, and sometimes it's best for me just to ignore it/him until he calms down while I give him some space to cool off.

Miss_C,

I really appreciate your answer.

I believe that this behavior in him is "newer" (last few months). Did you guy start out this way or did this happen and evolve over time?

[severin]

McAllister, on 19 April 2010 - 09:44 PM, said:

As a simple question, do you have sex on a regular basis? Does he masturbate? High testosterone and androgen levels may be the source of this bad temper. I myself feel more edgy and irritable if i didn't have any form of orgasm for more than 3 days... It is medically proven that too much acumulated testo can increase aggressiveness and affect behavior.; it is the reason why single men who drink too much in bars often get into fights for stupid reasons, and it is the reasons why men stop being civilized and return to caveman state.

However, there is one easy solution... SEX! Even if he is a bit grumpy, surprise him with great sex and he should get happiness back. He comes home from work complaining about a shitty day? Tell him to go take a shower, and while he washes, either hop in with him fore some wet sex or wait for him to get out to give hiim an awesome blowjob. I swear it will do miracles; it always works with me and most guys i know. And don't forget to do it on a regular basis! and by that i don't even mean everyday; it can be twice on once a week, more or less according to both of your drives, but regular is the keyword. Keep his testo level at a medium level; he'll have better control over his temper this way.

And if that doesn't make it, well you might need counseling or therapy.

Exactly! Or at least it really worked for me when I was crabby or when I had some hostile feelings towards my ex-partners. I know that it may seem "shallow" but sex really solved it for me. When I was sexually frustrated in my ex-relationships, this sexual frustration easily transformed into other forms of frustration and then it was difficult to see where it all comes from. For example, in these periods I used to drink more than I should and it just increased the negativity in my moods and behaviour.
Since this sexual frustration got solved - to be more exact, when I started to live with my current girlfriend - I haven´t had these silly reactions. Moreover, I stopped drinking as this sexual starvation stopped, so it was probably another important step. Even when I have bad mood or feel something similar to crabbiness now, I do not direct it towards my girlfriend now, and if I´m in a bad mood she can feel that it has nothing to do with her, and she does not suffer from my bad mood as it is clear that my mood is not reflected in my words or actions aimed at her. And it just goes away much sooner and with less dramatic effects than in the past...
If not sexual frustration, then it can be caused also by other forms of frustration - conscious or unconscious. Anyway, as for me, sexual satisfaction seems to be a good way how to prevent these moods or how to reduce their intensity if they have their source in other areas of my life.

[Miss_C.]

theram, on 20 April 2010 - 12:58 PM, said:

Miss_C,

I really appreciate your answer.

I believe that this behavior in him is "newer" (last few months). Did you guy start out this way or did this happen and evolve over time?

My guy has always had a temper ever since we met and first started to get to know each other. My guy has the temper, and his dad has the same temper, so I guess it's the apple not falling far from the tree. At least I know what to expect in the future, haha.

[Olive]

theram, on 20 April 2010 - 12:55 PM, said:

McAllister - the answer is probably "not often enough".

This is great advice. I'll try it

Theram, I admire your devotion, but unfortunately, I have to agree with Edopho here. I am not sure at what stage he's at, but these things tend to evolve and not devolve no matter what you do. It's HE who has to do something, and sex will only serve as a bandaid until the pressure builds up again. If you really want to stay in that relationship, HE should seek therapy ASAP.

[McAllister]

Ok so i'll follow up... Of course what i mentionned earlier might be part of the solution, but not all... Mostly, getting good sex will probably set you both in a positive and receptive mood so you can discuss freely and happily, with less chances or arguing, since both of you will be satisfied. Having sex works for the hormonal level , but if it's brain related, well discussion and therapy might be required. As said earlier giving him some time and space could be nice too, so he can clear his mind by himself before discussing to you. also check for alcohol or drug abuse, wich can definitely affect temper. You have to discuss frankly with him; i talked about sex because after i came, i'm always more receptive and my girl too.