I've had my problems with her in the past, and she's had her issues with me. But time passes, people change, and ultimately I couldn't imagine myself any happier than I am being with her. OK, maybe if our work schedules didn't conflict so bad and I made piles of money to have fun with.
This is one problem I truly can't solve though. She swears it won't be a problem, but for one, I know her better than she knows herself. And two, I am the prophet. I see the writings on the wall well in advance, and it's my natural gift to read into people's minds.
It's really simple... She's gay.
Since I met her, she's always liked women. Way before we were even friends, I knew her as one of the few girls who liked girls among friends and friends of friends. She had her boyfriends, and probably several more girlfriends. She's always been Bisexual I suppose you could label. But I guess she just always stuck with guys for serious relationships and girls for flings. Now, she's a beautiful developed woman, and I see her interest leaning towards women again.
I say again because she's always had her urges before. They are usually short lived, especially since her desires often end with it not being what she had thought it would be. It's never as amazing as she can make it in her head, or Hollywood can.
I am pretty easy going. A relationship with me is not a prison sentence. I'm an open minded person, I'll give anything at least some thoughtful contemplation. So I've never been so much opposed to the idea of my girlfriend showing interest in other women. I've had only one requirement; the 'other' woman must be gorgeous. This is for a simple reason too, if I have to imagine the love of my life with somebody else, I want to at least have to picture it as incredibly sexy. My girlfriend is beautiful and, well, I'm not such a great looking guy myself, so if you're going to venture outside your boundaries, you should make it worth it. So in 3 years, I think there's a grand total of 2 extra-curricular activities for her with other women. (It's a double standard, no conditions allow me to venture outside our relationship, which is perfectly fine with me- avoids a lot of problems.)
I've never been a very jealous person... but I've always given her the benefit of the doubt and endless trust, so she's been honest. She turned 21 recently. In the past month, she's attempted to 'hook up' with probably 5 different women, although nothing happened yet. I saw a dramatic increase in her lesbian desire. Then for her birthday she went to a strip club. A stripper made a few moves on her and hooked up with her in the VIP lounge, stopping short only because someone was on the last day of her period. While I was in the parking lot of course, since i'm not old enough yet, but I did want her to have a good birthday.
Now none of this bothered me still. I thought it was kind of hot still, after all, I love women myself, and two women is double the goodness. But for the rest of the weekend, I just started to feel worse and worse about the situation. I always trusted that she'd never leave me for another person, especially a woman, because I've always felt like she'd need the cock, and that she could not be satisfied completely, nor would she be able to psychologically handle a gay relationship. But recently, this theory is turning into a pile of crap, and I see her showing more interest in women, and less interest in me. Sure, we had sex half a dozen times this weekend, but I can just tell and feel that she's not getting what she wants. She'll deny it up and down and promise all sorts of stuff, but I just don't think she can hold her word. I can't really blame her for what she feels like. I've had my share of identity crisis/bi-curiousity but my exploration, well, set me straight! lol.
So, I feel like there's nothing for me to do except slowly watch this deteriorate around me. It hasn't even started yet in her mind, she's still promising to marry me. But alas, I do see where this is going, and I don't think I can change her mind's true ambitions and preferred sexual orientation. The words she shares with me are changing, regarding her wants and needs. I do believe that is embedded deep inside a person, and if it differs from the societal 'norm', then it has to be something learned, coped with and accepted in the end. She's learned, coped, and now I think she's beginning to accept it. And I'll be the one who loses, which is not something I'm used to... after all, smart guys win.
This post has been edited by smartguyswin: Mon May 10, 2010 01:09 PM