Over thinking sex is getting me down :(
Posted Sat May 15, 2010 07:31 PM
When i think about sex, just you know, whenever eg during the day when at work or something, all i think is "god he still hasnt finished me yet" and its making me a little more tense each time. i feel that there is too much pressure, but last time i just tried being easy going, he never bothered to try and finish me at all. My boyfriend at the moment seems.... hmmm, to focus on the sex more than anything else, i guess this is performance trouble related. he's good at the sex so he'll stick to what he knows and we often skip foreplay.
Someone, anyone please tell me im not going mad and that it will be ok! I love my boyfriend and the chemistry is fantastic, i just... wish so much that i wasnt as difficult as i am.
part of this insecurity and panic at the moment is that my male housemate just got his first girlfriend and after a few days of sexual stuff he's finished her a couple of times. god i feel so useless
i know this sounds pretty childish and inexperienced, and that is probably what its down to, but i could really do with some advice, or just state the obvious that i cant see. i think the contraception im on at the moment is causing me to be more emotional and a bit more nuts than usual too
Posted Sat May 15, 2010 07:37 PM
The other big one is to masturbate a wee bit, explore your own body and work out what makes you tick when you're in control. That way, once you know, it's much easier to lead your lova' if he's not hitting the spot.
If you're boyfriend really cares about you then he wants you to have as good a time as he does, so will want to know any way to improve things.
Make sure though to approach it in a softly-softly approach, a lot of guy's egos get very tender when you're discussing sex-stuff with them.
Hope that very quick few thoughts are of some help, maybe?!
The growing worry and tension is normal, but unhelpful - the best answer to that is just get everything out there with your boyfriend so he can reassure you that there's nothing to worry about.
Everybody's different so don't feel guilty or anything else - although it's frustrating just now, there's a lot of fun to be had in finding what does and doesn't work so don't just skip over it with the final goal being the focus.
Posted Sat May 15, 2010 08:14 PM
Try to get into a relaxed state (however you choose to do that). Try a glass of wine, ask him to give you a neck or back or foot massage, take a warm/hot bubble bath, light some candles...Whatever helps.
Posted Sat May 15, 2010 08:54 PM
Happy&Horny is right. First know what you like (try masturbating more), then tell him what you want. He may not know, if he does know and doesn't care well, that is a different issue. If you don't deal with it now, eventually this will fester into something big.
Posted Sat May 15, 2010 09:06 PM
A few other ideas:
Alcohol can be your friend. In moderation. ONE shot, maybe, or ONE glass of wine. You know your tolerance, and probably know when your sex drive goes all wonky from liquor. Just enough to relax a tad.
If liquor doesn't get you relaxed, try something that does. Miss C gives some good examples above.
Talking to your guy can help too. Foreplay = good. Foreplay = fun. Get some. Be firm about what you need, but be nice about it. Some guy's egos bruise easily.
If he's okay with it, vibrators can help LOADS and they're a TON of fun for everyone involved.
Hope this helps!
Posted Sat May 15, 2010 09:56 PM
This post has been edited by tenyn: Sat May 15, 2010 09:58 PM