Why is My Performance So Bad Now?
Posted Fri May 21, 2010 11:13 AM
I have this problem that i am sure many other men and women have experienced in their lives.
My girlfriend and I broke up after a 2 year relationship. The same night she fucked this guy that she's been seeing... A couple of days later I just had to know 3 things: Was he better? Does he last longer? and did you orgasm. I remember that day and her answers vividly. Yes he's bigger by and inch, yes he last longer, and she didn't answer the 3rd one which implies that she did. Now being fair, she didn't answer them intentionally to make me feel like shit. She hesitated between each answer and couldn't even look at me. She truly did feel bad. Even though we broke up, we still had sex a couple of times. Which was i guess good for me, but she always wanted to get it over with. I don't understand because she always wanted to make it as long as we can.
This isn't what my problem is. We got back together and she is no longer seeing him. It has been 2 months, and I literally haven't had sex or jacked off since the last time we had sex. So the first 3 or 4 times I would get really excited and cum within a couple of minutes. I kept blaming the dry spell and rightfully so. However, that excuse got really old quickly. After a few more times, i finally figured out my problem. It was the other guy. I would constantly think about those answers she gave me that night. KNowing that she fucked a guy who's bigger, last longer, and makes her cum. 90% of pre ejaculation is psychological. I always lasted longer than 2 minutes.
So is it me, pre ejaculation, or just him on my mind that's fucking me over? I just need some advice. And if anyone feels there's a better part of the forum for this to go on, please notify me.
Posted Fri May 21, 2010 04:32 PM
Anyway, contrary to what some people might say, we men are emotional about sex. It is very possible that you still associate her with the guy she cheated on with and with what she did to you, and it's also very possible that you see sex with her as something you're judged about when that's not how it should ever be.
For most men, it would be the opposite. Most men who got fucked over like that and couldn't stop thinking about the other guy wouldn't be able to cum at all or even get it up in a lot of cases.
Posted Sat May 22, 2010 11:17 AM
Posted Sat May 22, 2010 02:07 PM
As far as your performance, I agree with Bod. Cumming too soon doesn't sound like a symptom of jealousy. If you want to say it's psychological then it actually sounds like the thought of your SO with another guy turns you on a bit (which is apparently more common than I thought after seeing all of the threads in this forum). I would lean more towards the physical though. Your two months out of practice - you can undo that with just a few fucks. Give it time. Ask her to be patient. And give yourself a bit of practice in your off-time. When you jerk off, try to stay for a bit before you finish. See if after another couple weeks things aren't better.
Posted Sun May 23, 2010 08:22 AM
I guess from the psychological aspect, i can't see a lack of control/being too excited as being a problem stemming from you thinking about the other cock she had. I'm not a doctor, but, just my opinion.
Not me. Barely ever, i don't know what's wrong with me!
All the rest of his advice was fantastic for fixing the problem.
This post has been edited by LyricalOne: Sun May 23, 2010 08:23 AM
Posted Sun May 23, 2010 09:50 AM
Posted Wed May 26, 2010 11:29 AM
Posted Mon May 31, 2010 11:50 AM
Your penis size; does, not, matter. 4-8 inches is normal, above and below you have to work for it (in different ways.)
Making a girl cum from intercourse - while totally possible - isn't a goal you should feel bad about not achieving. (Referring to the other guy making her cum? I mean, you go down on her, give her the treatment right?) My girlfriend doesn't cum from intercourse, it's happened probably 10 times in 5 years, with the first 5 times in the first month of our relationship. That's what oral is for!
Posted Thu Jun 10, 2010 02:36 PM
first of all, try not to think of her response in regard to the other guy ( which I know maybe hard to do) comparing can be bad, another thing to do, seeing your age considering your recovery time maybe quick, (and I can't believe I'm going to say this) masterbate approximately 1 to 2 hours before the time you think you're going to have sex, it should take about 1 hour to recover after that it should take longer to climax, as far as her orgasming, each person is different as far as what and how long it takes to orgasm, I have read most women don't normally orgasm during intercourse and may need further stimulation (But I also think it depends on her state of mind at the time and how turned on she is) this maybe a case of finding what turns her on the most
This post has been edited by curiousinmo: Thu Jun 10, 2010 02:37 PM
Posted Wed Aug 04, 2010 02:49 AM
When things have broken down and the spark is dead there is no satisfaction in flogging a dead horse.
When my ex walked out and filed for separation I resigned myself to the fact and told her I never wanted to see or speak to her as long as I lived. I then moved on and got on with life.
Life is too short and when you are dead and buried nothing matters anyway.
Posted Sat Aug 07, 2010 12:21 PM
My situation differs a bit from yours, and I plan on writing on it. Because I need help too . But I think you're to much in your head. And if I figure a way out of that. I'll let you know. Just wanted to let you know you're not a special case. There are more of us.
Posted Wed Sep 08, 2010 07:20 PM
The fact is, very few women choose a man on the basis of his penis size, and performance Very few women can, since people usually connect in public, then decide to go have sex. She won't know what he's got until they're about to do the deed.
If men spent as much time focusing on their partner as they do on their equipment, their performance would improve dramatically.
The suggestion about you masturbating before sex with your partner is a good one- I used to do that when I was too quick on the trigger. It also helps to put more energy into her orgasm in other ways besides intercourse- kissing and massage, bathing together, oral and manual stimulation of the breasts and clitoris, toys such as vibrators and beads, if she's comfortable using them. If you can help her to two or more orgasms before you even enter her, two-minute intercourse won't seem like such a problem- unless you spend your time inside her thinking about him instead of her.