Sex (or lack of) ruining relationship...
Posted Tue May 25, 2010 01:29 AM
Just as a little back story-- I claisify myself as BiSexual and the girl I am with is actually the only female I have ever been with intimately, I have fooled around with males and have wrestled with the idea that I may just be gay (but to date I can honestly say I don't think I am). So I have known this girl for about 7-8yrs (since middle school) and when she realized I was a virgin at age 20 she offered to 'de-virginize' me but when it came down to it-- I couldn't... my nervousness took over and I couldn't even stop having ideas racing though my mind to enjoy anything, I didn't get the least bit 'excited' and it was a failure overall.
Ok, so I have been dating her for now 3mo. and the thing is that whenever we are getting intimate when I am really getting into it and I actually get hard (sometimes I don't...) we can continue making out any fooling around but as soon as I am about to penetrate her I being to go limp, I wish I could control it because I DO enjoy sex with her, thing is that although she is my first, I know she has had at least 3-4 other sexual partners, sometimes I get the feeling of anxiety because she is so experienced and obviously I am not, I just can't understand it anymore and even though we have had sex I would say that our 'failures' are beginning to out weigh our 'successful' love making.
Well-- in the end she is always left wanting, and ultimately feeling that it is her fault, and she ends up feeling ugly... I don't want her feeling this way because I truly do care about her I just don't know what to do anymore, I have narrowed it down a little but none of the reasons seem too substantial.
1. She is really not my usual 'type' of girl/guy I go for.
2. I am too insecure about my sexual orientation/her sexual experience to perform.
3. She refuses the use of condoms and claims to be on the pill, but I know she hasn't been taking them. (I don't want kids)
4. She is overweight (not my actual idea, never really bothered me but that's what she says it is.)
5. Somehow I feel as though she sometimes expects me to fail, and I prove her right...
She is very sexually driven and I feel as though our problem is going to ruin our entire relationship. I don't like making her feel ugly because I don't think she is...
Well I don't know what else to add... and comments would be appreciated... seriously lost.
Posted Tue May 25, 2010 10:44 AM
Posted Tue May 25, 2010 11:14 AM
Your never going to have good / great sex if there is always this pressure to preform up to a set standard and it will get worse the first, second, third, etc time you (two) fail to hit that standard.
Not what you or anyone else wants to hear, but take the pressure off. Talk to her and tell her how you feel, get her feedback and then think of a creative personal way to improve the situation.
I know I'm not much help (haven't had my morning coffee yet) but just remember pressure |= a good time.
Posted Tue May 25, 2010 02:58 PM
Posted Tue May 25, 2010 08:47 PM
The only thing you can do is communicate. Tell her it's not her. Pleasure her, get her off, before trying to penetrate her. When you're about to have sex with her, think about anything else. Waffles. Bunnies. Whatever.
I dunno, but good luck.
Posted Tue May 25, 2010 09:16 PM
Very good advice and wise counsel ...but waffles and bunnies LOL LOL LOL LOL.
I love it!!!!!!!!!