Posted Sun Jun 13, 2010 06:18 PM
What are your opinions on a girl being vocal in bed?
I have never ever had the urge to make a noise in bed so I haven't. Sex feels really good but all I seem to do is breathe heavier. I'd like to try and moan but I just don't know how to :S (Probably sounds silly). 2 of my exs weren't phased by me being quiet, but my new boyfriend finds it really off putting. I know its ruining it for him.
Any tips on how to just let go? I am always totally comfortable and relaxed.
I feel so weird and stupid >_>
Posted Sun Jun 13, 2010 06:47 PM
If you are not comfy making noises, dont try to fake them, try talking dirty in his ear or whispering things you'd like to try.
That way he will know you are into it and you may feel less awkward
Posted Sun Jun 13, 2010 06:56 PM
Posted Sun Jun 13, 2010 07:01 PM
But not every woman is extremely vocal. I agree that if you don't really feel comfortable making a lot of noise you definitely shouldn't try to fake it just to please your guy. Faking it and being uncomfortable will cause your enjoyment to suffer because you'd be self-conscious about how you sound.
You could try something simple. Just make sure he knows that he's doing things right. Tell him, "That feels good," even if you can't be more specific (by saying things like, "I love when you lick my pussy," which might be too much).
It seems like your guy might be a little unnerved because he doesn't have really any other obvious way to know whether or not you're liking what he's doing. You don't have to go nuts and scream like a porn star. Just give the guy a sign.
Posted Sun Jun 13, 2010 08:26 PM
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 12:54 AM
i have to really concentrate to be quiet (but that's fun too). i tend to think that the reason i make a lot of noise is because i had such a fucking epic time having my first orgasm, and moaning was really central to getting me over the edge that time, and i guess i've kind of stuck with it ever since.
anyhoooo ... i really have no idea but my first thoughts are:
- you can only really do these things for you. don't ever feel like you're ruining your partner's sexual experience by not making noise. you just be yourself. if you want to experiment with making noise, do it because it might be a fun adventure for you and your partner to go on, not because you feel you haaaaave to. burdens never make good sex, in my opinion.
- if i'm keen to experiment with something new but am a bit unsure, i find it's often fun to start it while masturbating.
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 02:07 AM
I see by your profile that you are 21, and I’m assuming your boyfriend is around the same age. Therefore, he’s probably pretty inexperienced with sexual relationships. In today’s society, we are bombarded with images portraying how life should be. And we all buy into it to some degree and it causes us to feel that something is wrong if things in our life don’t measure up to those ideals. This also applies to sex. If your boyfriend has had some exposure to porn, it’s likely his expectations of sex will mirror what he’s seen. Don’t be too concerned, as most people have little or no exposure to what sex is normally like until they enter a strong relationship. Most of us are uncomfortable talking with family and friends about the intimate details o four sex life, so he, like most people, entered adulthood with a void in his understanding of what sex is really like. So it’s normal and natural for him to form his expectations from the only knowledge he has…porn. Adult films are a commercial enterprise. They need to sell to make money, they need to entertain to sell, and to entertain they need to demonstrate that the actors and actresses are enjoying their ‘work’, hence the cum shot for the man, and the violent thrashing and loud vocalizations for the woman. And this is prevalent through most mainstream adult films.
Your boyfriend maybe interpreting your silence as a lack of pleasure on your part due to poor performance on his part. You are new to each other, and it might take him a while to understand the way you express yourself. I’d suggest talking to him soon after having sex, either later that day/night if possible or the next day, to reassure him that you enjoyed being intimate with him. Tell him you had an orgasm, and tell him how it made you feel (that’s assuming you had one, which would be a whole other thread if you didn’t). Show him you are eager to have sex with him again soon. Pretty soon he will understand that his ability to please you cannot be measured by how loud you scream.
That addresses his concerns, now I’ll try to address yours. As said above by Miss C and Pandora, you shouldn’t do something which makes you feel uncomfortable. It will take away from your enjoyment. But if you want to try to be more vocal, then there have been a few great ideas suggested already by Miss C, Pandora and meow. I’ll offer one more; watch and learn from the professionals. Rent a few adult films and when making love, simply pretend you’re a porn star. To get over the hurdle of feeling stupid, after you’ve tried to be more vocal, simply ask your boyfriend what he thought. If he tells you it really turned him and it made him feel great, then I think you’ll get comfortable with it pretty fast.
As for moaning, I think you know how to do it. The problem, more likely, is that you listen to yourself moan and that’s why you think it sounds silly. My wife and I will sometimes engage in dirty talk while making love. It usually take the form of one of us saying something and then the other responding. We sort of build off each other and it’s a great turn on when we do. But usually we are both fairly quiet, except for the breathing, and a few gasps at the moment of truth. Either way is enjoyable for us, and pleasing, but we’ve been together a long time and can read each other quite well.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with expressing yourself vocally during sex. And remember, there is nothing wrong with not expressing yourself vocally during sex. You are who you are, and that’s that!
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 07:33 AM
Too much sound though is a turn off. By that I mean obvious exagerrated pornlike screams and the likes of that. That is a real turn off. If the sounds or the vocalization isn`t genuine then please just keep quiet.
It`s also a turn on when a woman tells you what she wants during sex. Little directions followed by joyful sighs and moans as you successfully "hit her buttons".
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 09:02 AM
nope ... can't find the bloody thing, as per usual!!!
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 09:41 AM
I've always talked during sex though even if I don't scream... I usually say things about what I'm feeling, and yes, I'm prone to giving directions...