Posted Wed Jul 14, 2010 06:07 PM
Right after my ex wife left in August 09: I went through the common emotions a person goes through in that situation. I left her, because the relationship was dying. I am 26 and married young so dating again was a mystery to me. I live in a big city and dating here is competitive and women have a lot of options. So I started off slow, had some random affairs to make myself feel better but instead it made me feel worse because I suffered from premature ejaculation all of a sudden. So here I was, separated and cumming in 10 seconds of insertion. Through all this I knew the inside was broken. I spent a lot of time on self help, meditation, following tantra and other stuff such as karezza. Over time my personality changed and I finally let go and came back to a new version of me.
Sex, now changed completely for me. Once I learned to keep my mind calm and blank, I went from 10 seconds to 30-40 minutes of intercourse. I ran with this and experienced sex in a whole new light. I was in control for once or so I thought. Now it just consumes my life.
I have a very high sex drive. I am always horny and willing for some reason. Two months ago I pierced my penis and got an apadravya piercing. Its still healing but I can have sex now somewhat. Its out of the ordinary for a guy like me that is not into pain or piercings/tatts. Something has definitely changed in my head (the one upstairs). My problem is I don't want to commit or be stuck in a relationship (even though I like having a girlfriend and someone to depend on). I want all the perks, without a title. So I met a girl in March and we have hit off and she's in love with me and I am in love with her as well. Although she doesn't want to be exclusive, we are. The problem I face now is while she is nice and keeps me happy but she has many issues such as insecurities and low confidence. Some similar things that ruined my first marriage which is why I know in the back of my mind this isn't what I truly want but I am enjoying the companionship and our personalities/likes mesh well together. She is the nicest person I have met, literally, the care for strangers type. She's the first real relationship since the divorce.
I have been sleeping with women on the side. I find them on dating sites, talk to them, take them out and then sleep with them. Right after, I feel uncaring and callous towards them. I avoid them and don't call them back because I don't want to deal with the hassle. I am looking for the one that I could see myself with but women after women they all bore me. Sometimes, I even feel guilty. My current gf gives me as much sex as I want as well. I am unsatisfied inside perhaps, that's the conclusion or I just love chasing women and playing the game. The dilemma is many of these women I meet get emotional so quick and start telling me they like me, care about me and it makes me feel uncomfortable. In my mind, we hardly know each other and many times I don't even think we are compatible. I feel no shame to look a girl square in the eyes and lie to her to get my way, mainly sex. How I feel after is different of course mainly uncaring. I would be lying if I said I enjoyed doing these things. I still clean up hairs and other stuff so my gf does not find them and feel hurt even though she knows we are not exclusive. I am not even living the life or doing what I claim I want to be doing?
I am just not sure what I have become now. Maybe this is the real me, I don't know but I do know something is amiss here. I can't afford professional help.
Posted Wed Jul 14, 2010 06:53 PM
Posted Wed Jul 14, 2010 07:10 PM
She says its fine but she doesn't want to be. As long as she doesn't hear about it she does not care. Bottom line she wants to be with me regardless even if that's not what she wants. So my guess is its once sided and something she just accepts.
Posted Wed Jul 14, 2010 07:24 PM
If you are being satisfied by your girlfriend then you wouldnt have the need to look elsewhere.
Why can't you and her discuss others if she doesnt feel the need to be exclusive? I thought the whole point of being in a relationship exclusively was so you didnt go elsewhere although i've never done the exclusive,nonexclusive thing.
This tells me that you aren't really in the type of relationship you think you are, otherwise you wouldnt be hiding evidence etc of other women being around.. I must say I wouldnt be shitting on my own doorstep if I was doing it.
If I saw a guy and was seeing him again, then it was pretty much said that we were together to see how things went. I'd have left anyone that saw others behind my back.
Posted Wed Jul 14, 2010 08:55 PM
At that point in my life I was not of the persuasion to have "indiscriminate" sex like you are now doing...so I can't relate to that. But if it is what you want physically then you are going to have to reconcile your mind to it. If you want to orgasm, then just do it....no hurt feelings about yourself afterwards....
If you want to find that special someone, well, I don't think what I term "indiscriminate" sex is going to get you there, but what do I know?
It really sounds like you just want to fuck and have no strings attached. If that is what you want, then there is no reason to feel uncaring afterwards, unless of course you have made some kind of commitment during the tryst. Have you? If you have, especially in order to get them to fuck you, then you should feel like an uncaring fuck - as that is what you are acting like.
So....what do you want? Sex or to feel good about yourself? You can have both....
Posted Fri Aug 27, 2010 05:41 PM
Your question - "I am not even living the life or doing what I claim I want to be doing?" - doesn't make sense. I'm not sure what you're asking exactly.
I recommend not being exclusive and monogamous with your girlfriend. Maybe you could have an open relationship and still be together but also see other people besides each other. The two of you might find that you're happier when you're not exclusive.