Posted Tue Aug 31, 2010 12:50 AM
Posted Tue Aug 31, 2010 01:05 AM
Posted Tue Aug 31, 2010 01:11 AM
Posted Tue Aug 31, 2010 01:11 AM
Yeah...I don't quite understand that. And I don't personally think I am a great looking guy. I think I am average guy who could maybe use a little work. I have been listening to this....Tom Leykis guy. Kinda stumbled across him on YouTube.
Posted Tue Aug 31, 2010 08:39 AM
Maybe you are looking for some magical formula? Some sort of Sexual Buddha figure here on the forum will suddenly, in one sentence, grant you the secret of getting any woman you want, anytime and anywhere you want? I`m sorry but I don`t think that`s very likely.
I have been following some of the threads you created. They have been very good ones with interesting discussions, opinions and advice in abundance. Why not try to look a little closer at them?
Don`t misunderstand me, by all means continue to create threads about these things you are curious about/ need help with, but don`t forget to be courteous enough to pay some attention to the people who are sharing their thoughts and ideas with you along the ride. If they show you respect by seriously trying to help with your situation then you should at least repay them with the same respect. In other words: Read and consider what they say.
Don`t think impossible, too uncomfortable, too much work, too critical etc. It seems to me that your attitude here is the same that I get the impression you have when you are out there in the world looking for a woman. You give up way too fast. Just move on to the next project, not ever really giving any "project" your full attention and effort.
Maybe try a little humility on for size? I don`t think that would hurt your "case" at all, quite the opposite.
Well, sorry for this sounding like me giving you a lecture, but I still think it wouldn`t hurt if you for once showed some signs of actually listening to the replies you are asking for...
Good luck still on your quest.
Posted Tue Aug 31, 2010 09:59 AM
Lower your own standards and perhaps they'll lower theirs.
Posted Tue Aug 31, 2010 12:06 PM
Posted Tue Aug 31, 2010 03:34 PM
Being intimidated by women and the prospect of having to approach them is common, KainMalice. Of course it might be even worse when you are not very experienced at it in the first place, but trust me, there are plenty of men out there who have a lot of experience but still feel intimidated by the whole approach scenario. It`s not something one can fix by learning a few "lines" and such... The reason why many suggest alcohol is because it may cause you to act more couragously/ confidently with strangers when under the influence than what you would in a state of soberness. Like you say, though, it might create other issues in it`s own right as well. BUT you don`t know until you have tried, right? And should you be unsuccessfull initially that is not uncommon and it`s certainly not a valid reason for giving up.
Don`t try to act like someone you are not, don`t lie and don`t go in with the attitude that you have already lost. The trick is to be confident about who you are, act naturally without obsessing over yourself or your possible female target. Have a positive attitude even when someone on the dating scene rejects you. It`s not a tragedy. It`s how the world works.
In one of your earlier threads, the one called "women", there were many very good suggestions from SF females on what to do, how to behave, dress etc. Take a look at it again. Some very good advice there, I guarantee you.
Let yourself go a little, KainMalice, don`t take yourself so seriously when dealing with this matter. Loosen up.
Good luck again with your quest.
Posted Tue Aug 31, 2010 06:52 PM
Well, the fact of the matter is that a woman is not going to fall out of the sky into your lap. You have two choices.
- Don't change anything you are doing and live with knowing that you made the choice to be alone.
- Get over your insecurities and face a little rejection. You might be surprised by what happens.
Now, knowing you as well as I can through your posts, I'm guessing that you'll go with the first option, and we'll just starting skipping over your threads altogether since we know that we'll just be telling you the same thing we've been telling you all along and you'll still be ignoring our advice. Good luck with that.
This post has been edited by wouchgirl: Tue Aug 31, 2010 06:52 PM
Posted Tue Aug 31, 2010 07:29 PM
*beep* *beep* Source of the malicious code detected.
Posted Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:40 AM
What does that mean?
Posted Wed Sep 01, 2010 07:17 AM
What helped me was about small steps - so that I could reduce the fear of "total" rejection:
1. make a small step and see how she reacts
2. if she refuses the small, insignificant step, you can stop the process and forget about her (or try again in order to make sure that the refusal is real and definite)
3. if she accepts, then you can make another small, but a little bit bigger step.
4. go to 2.
What can be the "small" steps? Whatever you feel comfortable about - e.g. phone call, email, small conversation with attempt to include some more private or intimate things, invitation to a drink, party, some activity done together, non-verbal small steps may include touching her, touching her hand or other body parts in an innocent way or "by accident", getting physically closer (e.g. sitting closer and closer to her in certain situations, while talking, having a drink or two...), dancing (I never do that but it works for many people, but it is just not my case but may be good for you, who knows?). Needless to say, some ammount of alcohol - when applied in a suitable way - may be helpful too but it is highly individual (depends on you and on her reactions to alcohol, situation etc...)
Posted Wed Sep 01, 2010 07:01 PM
I hadn't posted on this thread because what you describe there has never been my reality. First of all, I don't date "assholes", my first requisite is that the guy be decent and polite. I admit that I may have ended up with a bad experience here and there, nothing major, but that usually stops on the first meeting. I am not paranoiac, but people lie sometimes to get what they want. If I ever find someone fake or insincere, I simply don't see the person anymore and don't give second chances.
Now, about being punched around, it's never happened to me, but if it had, that would be considered asault, the person would certainly sit in jail for a period of time, and get a restraining order after he leaves. Having a criminal record in Canada is a rather big deal, so that better doesn't happen. I detect anger towards women in the way you express yourself, and my guess is that that anger is the cause of the interaction problems you have with women.
I am sorry to say, but you need to modify your attitude if you really wish to find a woman with whom you can relate romantically, sexually, or just as a person. I don't say this only based on your question above, but on the other questions you've been posting. Keep in mind that nobody can really make you happy... That power lies completely on yourself and in the way you approach things every day.
This post has been edited by Olive: Wed Sep 01, 2010 07:07 PM
Posted Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:04 PM
It's because you said you couldn't understand why your ex stayed with you for as long as she did. Don't you see how that is problematic? If you don't see the good stuff about you, how do expect someone else to?
I was being silly trying to conjure the idea of finally detecting a piece of malware on a computer that won't let the user do what he of she wants to do. You've been writing a lot of posts about your issues, but really that line you said, to me is the problem. Fix that and then I promise things will be better.
I know it's easier said than done, but at this point, you won't even be able to pull off being the kind of asshole that you think will attract women. You'll be the asshole who gets a beat down or worse; don't be that guy.
This post has been edited by cocoa70: Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:05 PM
Posted Mon Sep 06, 2010 03:44 PM
Posted Mon Sep 06, 2010 07:13 PM
-Women are people to! They have all the insecurities, fears, hangups, self esteem problems, issues, blah blah blah that men do, they just smell better.
-You are worthy of women! Stop putting the pussy on the pedestal. Believe it or not but you have qualities that women like. Play up your strong points when out around them and work on the weak ones.
-Go out and have fun regardless of whether or not you find someone. Having the enjoyment of the night hinge on that adds up to a lot of pressure that will scare women off. Enjoy yourself.
-Being the bad boy gets old fast. You might get hot sex, but so do the nice guys who respect and appreciate women. The difference is the good guys stick around much, much longer. That said, don't be a pushover. Stand up for yourself when needed.
-A good sense of humor is your strongest weapon in getting women. Learn it. Master it. Being hot will win her eyes, but making her laugh will win her heart.
-Be brutally honest...are you ready for a gf right? If you not or are going through your own turmoil it will show and turn women away. Spend some time thinking about this.
Posted Tue Sep 07, 2010 01:03 AM
And I don't consider a guy that slaps a woman around a "bad boy", he's a POS. Break some of societys little rules, that can make you a bad boy with out laying a finger on a woman. Some women consider me a bad boy because I ride a motorcycle, or that I do some "anti social" things..like getting kicked out of Victoria Secret. Some if my practial jokes, that don't involve any physical injury. Do something or shut up.
i agree, rejection is meaningless because the end result doesnt effect anything. if a woman does reject you (which happens to the best of us lol) youre left in the exact same position. could you imagine if everything in life had that kind of risk/reward?